Doing Them A Flavor Favor

, | Ireland | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

(I work as a waitress and am waiting on a table of a really nice family with three kids. It is an unusually hot day and each of the children has one of those really tall, exaggerated slushies with in-built straws.)

Me: “Where did you get those slushies? They look pretty cool!”

Father: “Oh, just next door.”

Me: “Oh, I didn’t realize they sold them. I’ll have to get one next time I’m in. It’s been so hot recently.”

Father: “What’s your favourite flavour?”

Me: “I don’t know. All of them, I guess! So, are you guys ready to order?”

(I proceed to take their order. Their food is served and they have their meal, pay, and leave with no hassle or problems and nice chit chat all the way through. They’ve left after their meal for about 20 minutes when the father enters back in. I’m behind the bar at this point.)

Father: “Hey, I got you this. It is really hot today!” *hands me one of the slushies, with all the flavours mixed together*

Me: “Oh, thank you!”

(He smiled and walked out again. It made my day! Sometimes, the customer is the good guy!)

Mothers In Disguise

| OH, USA | Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

(I am shopping to get some polos for my mom and my little brother, who are at a concert. I am a 20-year-old woman; however, my voice makes me sound younger. I also love a particular robot franchise. I am searching the toy aisle for a figure that I don’t have, when I approach another customer in the aisle.)

Customer: *huffs, turns to her husband* “Look at her. Can’t keep them together.”

Me: *looks at her*

Customer: “Yes, I am talking about you! You shouldn’t be having children at your age!”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “And how can you afford to spoil your kid? You can’t get a decent job like that!”

Me: *realizing what she is implying* “Actually, I can spoil my kids.” *reaches into my shopping basket to pull out a can of cat treats* “See?”

Customer: *crosses her arms*

Me: “This…” *pulls a buildable figure off the rack* “…is for me.”

Customer: “So immature!”

(I am used to getting criticism for liking the robot franchise, which is aimed at younger boys.)

Me: *shrugs* “So?

(Just then, the woman’s son peers from another aisle.)

Customer’s Son: “Mommy, I can’t find them with the Legos.” *looks at me* “Is that [Character]?”

Me: “Yes, it is!”

Customer’s Son: “That’s the one I want!”

Customer: *turns to face away*

Me: *kneels down to hand it to her son* “Do you have [Other Character]? He goes with [Character].”

Customer’s Son: “Really?”

Me: “Yep! They and [Third Character] make a group known as a trine. They’re best together.”

(The woman’s husband grabs the other character’s box as the woman sulks away.)

Customer’s Son: “Thank you! Sorry Mommy was mean. She said [Franchise] is for little kids and I’m a big boy, but now I know it’s for big girls, too!”

Bored To Death At School

| Long Island, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month

(I’m working as a cashier when a man and his young daughter (about nine or ten) come in. The girl looks upset.)

Me: *to the girl* “Hi, there! How was school?”

Girl: “I HATE school!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. What don’t you like about it?”

Girl: “Everything, except for lunch and recess.”

Me: “Well, what DO you like? What interests you?”

Girl: *looking me right in the eye and smiling* “DEATH!”

(Needless to say, I was speechless.)

This Caller Has No Hang Ups

| USA | Rude & Risque, Spouses & Partners, Theme Of The Month

(I work in retention for a major credit card company. One of the strictest rules in our department is that, while you can suggest strongly that a customer hang up or call back, you cannot drop the call.)

Customer: “I was wondering if we could talk about my interest rate. I was noticing on my last- OH, GOD!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “OH! OH, GOD!”

Me: “Ma’am, are you all right?”

Customer: “I’m fine. My husband just fondled my breast.”

(I turn bright red and her breathing becomes heavy.)

Customer: “OH, GOD, YES!”

Me: “Ma’am, if this is a bad time…”

Customer: “NO! I was saying, on my last statement, I noticed that my APR… OH, OH, OH, GOD, YES!”

(From the grunting and moaning on the other end of the line, I deduce that this is not just… um… a fondle. All this time, the woman keeps telling me that she wants to know if we can lower her APR. I finally had to mute the phone, turn down the mind-blowing orgasm that my customer was having and then answer her questions when she could focus again. Most awkward moment ever.)

Dilate It Down A Little

| Aurora, CO, USA | Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging, Theme Of The Month

(I’m nine months pregnant, on literally my last week before maternity leave, working the front desk. I have just checked into his room an older man, about 55 to 60 years old.)

Guest: *turning to go fetch his suitcase from the car* “Oh, and, are you pregnant?”

Me: “Yup. I’m due March 6th.”

Guest: “So, are you dilated yet?”

Page 974/2,948First...972973974975976...Last