Bus Fuss

| Wales, UK | Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

(I work in a train station ticket office which has two main entrances: one directly from the platform and one from the street. There is no pavement outside the street entrance and the door opens straight onto the bus stop. The pavement is a good 20 feet away in any given direction.)

Customer: *walks in through street entrance* “Hiya. Where’s the bus stop?”

Me: “You actually walked over it. It’s just outside the doors there.”

Customer: *heads for platform doors*

Me: “Sir, stop! I meant the street doors. You know, the ones you entered through?”

(The customer stops, pauses, looks at me, looks at street doors, looks at platform doors, starts again towards platform doors.)

Me: “Sir, NOT THOSE DOORS! You need to turn around and walk back out the way you came in.”

Customer: “The way I came in?” *turns to face the street entrance*

Me: *encouragingly* “Yes, sir. Those doors right ahead!”

(The customer does another 180° and starts off AGAIN for the platform.)

Me: “Sir, please wait right there. I’ll lock up my booth and come show you.”

Customer: “Sorry, thanks. It’s not very obvious.”

(I quickly lock up my booth and come around to help the customer. I lead him physically by the arm outside. I only stop him when his feet are on the ‘B’ of ‘BUS STOP’ which is painted in four-foot-high letters on the floor).

Me: “There you go, sir. Now, can you read the floor by your feet?”

Customer: *looks* “Bus stop?”

Me: Yep. So all you gotta do is wait here until one shows up!”

Customer: *incredulously* “Do the buses come to here?”

Me: “They do at that, sir.”

Customer: *looks painfully unsure* “So this is the bus stop?”

Me: “Yes indeed, sir. It is.” *checks timetable* “The next bus is to [Town] at 13:54, about two minutes from now.”

(I ended up waiting at the bus stop with him until the bus came. He was a repeat visitor for about a month, during which time I learned that his car was broken and he was using trains and buses in the interim, and that in all his 32 years he’d never once used a public bus! He worked as a teaching assistant in a nearby primary school – I fear for our nation’s children!)

Making The Feathers Fly

| MN, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

(I am a chef. The server is fairly new. This is one of her first solo shifts. This couple comes in at the very end of lunch. They are the only customers in the building.)

Male Customer: “Are the chickens fresh?”

Server: “Yup. We pull the feathers in the back.”

Male Customer: “Okay. I’ll take the chicken sandwich and some feathers.”

Female Customer: “I’ll have the cheeseburger.”

(The server enters their order in the computer. She then grabs their drinks and drops them off at the table.)

Male Customer: “Where are the feathers?”

Server: “I just rang them in.” *laughs*

(I cook the food and call out for the server. She picks up the order and brings it out to the table.)

Male Customer: “Where are my f****** feathers? If you don’t bring me my f****** feathers I am going to punch you in the face.”

Server: “I’ll be right back.”

(She goes and gets the manager who goes up to the table.)

Manager: “Is there a problem?”

Male Customer: “I want my feathers. She said you had chicken feathers. She said you had them. If she doesn’t bring them out I am going to punch her.”

Manager: “You need to leave. Now.”

(As strange as this whole situation was, looking back on it now the thing I found the weirdest wasn’t the chicken feather guy. It was his girlfriend that didn’t say a thing through the entire ‘WTF’ conversation the guy had with the server and the manager.)

Left Their Brain In Their Other Lifestyle

| Brea, CA, USA | Bizarre, Language & Words

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I would like to order a replacement statement.”

Me: “Okay, sure thing. First to access your account, I’ll ask a couple of verification questions.”

Customer: “Okay!”

Me: “May I have your address please?”

Customer: “Address? What you mean like, where I live?”

Me: “Yes, sir?”

Customer: *gives address*

(After verifying my customer I then proceed to his request.)

Me: “Okay, sir. I have your statements ready to be sent. Would you like it sent to the address on file or an alternate?”

Customer: “I don’t live an alternative lifestyle.  I  just want my statements.”

A Major Minor Mishap

, | Wales, UK | Criminal & Illegal, Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

(I am 15 years old, and I work in my cousin’s burger van or cafe during the school breaks. Often I will be in the kiosk late at night when all the clubs close while my cousin is still working. One night a group of guys in their 30s comes up, slightly drunk, and ordered a bunch of food.)

Customer #1: “You having fun tonight?”

Me: “Uh, yeah. Sure.”

Customer #2: “Oh, god, leave her alone, dude!”

Me: *laughs nervously*

Customer #1: “Oh, come on… Hey, you see that sausage on the hotplate?”

Me: “Uh, yeah?”

Customer #1: “I could give you double the sausage on that hotplate if you come back with me.”

Me: “Oh, is that so?”

Customer #1: “Oh yeah, totally.”

(I laugh and let him carry on, his friends just laughing at him.)

Me: “So, I’m curious. Do you always talk to minors like that?”

Customer #1: “What?!”

Me: “Well, I’m 15.”

(Customer #1 runs off in a hurry without his order, red faced.)

Customer #2: “Well, he won’t live that down any time soon!”

Can Give An Inch In A Pinch

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

(I’m a barista at a well known coffee chain. I only work the opening shift, which means I’m at the store at 5:30 am. This customer comes in around 6:15 am.)

Me: “Morning. What can I get for you?”

Customer: “Americano.”

Me: “Sure. Do you need room for cream?”

(I think he answers no. I make the Americano, and fill the cup to the top, leaving no room for cream.)

Me: “Here’s your Americano. Have a great day!”

Customer: “You call this room?”

Me: “Sorry! I must have misheard you. I can pour some out for you, if you’d like.”

Customer: “Yes, please. Pour out about an inch.”

(I pour out a good inch of the beverage and hand it back to the guy.)

Customer: “You call this an inch? Clearly men have been lying to you your whole life, dear.”

(He immediately walks away, while I stand there, suffering from shock.)

Manager: “Did he just say what I think he said?”

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