Customer Jokes

| Right | November 21, 2015

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These Donuts Are A Little On The Insecty-Side

| VA, USA | Right | November 21, 2015

(My coworker and I work in the bakery section of a well known retail chain. During certain times of the year fruit flies are a problem in our department. It is store policy for the bakery to remove the self-serve donuts from the case if the fruit flies are too numerous. This exchange happens to my co-worker while I’m on break.)

Customer: *indignant* “There’s a whole bunch of fruit flies in here.”

Coworker: *checks the case* “You’re right. Sorry about that, sir.” *leaves to get cart to load trays on. comes back. starts loading trays*

Customer: “What are you doing?”

Coworker: “Getting rid of the donuts. We’re supposed to pull the donuts when there’s too many fruit flies.”

Customer: “Can’t you spray some poison in there or something? I really want one!”

No Money, More Problems

| Mississauga, ON, Canada | Right | November 21, 2015

(I work at the call center for a small company that does promotional gift cards in the US. Recently, one of our cards has gone on the fritz, and the money was removed from a good number of the cards, and put back into the company’s account. Because of this, my manager has been working tirelessly to load each of the cards manually.)

Me: “[Company], how may I help you?”

Customer: “My card is not working!”

Me: “I’m very sorry to hear that, ma’am. May I have the card number so I can take a look at it?”

(She angrily gives me the number, and I can tell just by the set of digits used that it’s one of the affected cards.)

Me: “Unfortunately, ma’am, due to a malfunction in our system, the funds are temporarily unavailable. If you provide us with your name and number, we’ll be happy to call you back as soon as the card is working again.”

Customer: “I’m not giving you my name! And I’m definitely not giving you my phone number! Can’t you just fix it now?!”

Me: “Unfortunately, ma’am, I’m not authorized to work with card balances, but I’d be happy to transfer you to my manager so that we can get things straightened out.”

Customer: “NO! I DON’T WANT TO TALK TO YOUR MANAGER! JUST FIX IT!”

(She continues to harass me for approximately 15-20 minutes; meanwhile, a crowd has begun to gather around my cubicle. Finally, my manager comes to my rescue, and just nods to me to signal that it was okay to transfer her without her permission.)

Me: “Ma’am, my manager would like to speak with you. I’m transferring you now.”

Customer: “I TOLD YOU I-”

(I transfer her over quickly, and my manager wastes no time answering. Knowing what kind of customer she is dealing with, she answers firmly, and from where I’m sitting in my cubicle I can hear the customer go quiet. I take the next call, somewhat frazzled, and fortunately the person is much more gracious about the trouble they are experiencing. Halfway through the second call, my manager comes to my cubicle again, looking like she’s about ready to quit.)

Manager: “The nerve of that woman. Do you know what she asked me as soon as I fixed it? ‘What am I supposed to do with all this money?'”

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Your Keyboards Days Are Numbered

| NY, USA | Right | November 21, 2015

User: “Hi, I’m having an issue entering in the numbers in this field.”

Me: “Okay, let me proxy into your computer and I’ll see what I can do.”

(I proxy into the computer, click in the field, type with no issues:)

Me: “It looks like this is working okay for me; can I have you try to enter that in again?”

User: *typing* “It’s not working.”

Me: “Hmm, okay, you’re typing in numbers there?”

User: “Yes, but it’s not working.”

Me: “Can I have you press the Num Lock button on your keyboard? It should be on the right side, directly above the 7 key.”

User: “I don’t see it.”

Me: “It’s on the keyboard, on the right side. It’s near the 7 button, on the number keypad, all the way on the right of the keyboard.”

User: “I don’t see a 7.”

Me: “…Okay, so on the keyboard—”

User: “I don’t see anything like that.”

Me: “So, you’re looking at the thing you’re typing on, correct? Not at the screen?”

User: “I just don’t see a 7 anywhere here.”

(I notice that the mouse is moving on the screen, tracking back and forth across the taskbar at the bottom of Windows.)

Me: “I think you’re looking at the screen; I need you to look at the keyboard, the thing you are typing on.”

User: “I was typing in this text box…”

Me: “Oh, no, not on the screen there, but on the keyboard. The hardware under the screen, that you type with.”

User: “But I don’t see anything like that.”

Me: “Okay, so when you place your hands in a position to type—”

User: “Oh, on the KEYBOARD.”

Me: “…Yes, do you see the 7 button on the keyboard?”

User: “…”

Me: “…”

Me: “Directly above the 7 button is the Num Lock button. It’s on the far right side.”

User: “I just don’t see that.”

(10 minutes later, I discovered that the issue was a disconnected keyboard.)

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Something Fishy About That Meat

| Traverse City, MI, USA | Right | November 21, 2015

(A couple sit down at a table in my section:)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Restaurant]. I’ll be taking care of you tonight. Our dinner feature is our Friday night fish fry. Tonight we have cod.”

Man: “Your special, what exactly is that?”

Me: “Our cod is four flaky fillets that comes with fries and coleslaw, but if you would like you can exchange that for any two sides.”

Man: “Where is that listed on the menu?”

Me: “Right here, sir.” *I point to the menu, where it says “Friday Fish Fry” in large letters and the man starts looking over where I had showed him*

Woman: “I’ll have the roast beef dinner.”

Man: *to his wife* “Did you get fish?”

Woman: “No, I got the beef.”

Man: *to me* “That beef, is it meat?”

Me: “Uhm, yes.”

Man: “Are you sure it’s meat, not fish?”

Me: “Yes.”

Man: “Why don’t you have fish?”

Me: “We do. The cod I told you about right here is fish.”

Man: “Are you sure that it is fish and not meat?”

Me: “Yes.”

Man: “All right. I’ll have that, as long as it’s not meat.”

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