The Art Of Telepathy

| USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

(I do pet portraits for extra money to make it through college. Most of the purchases are mundane, somebody’s cat or dog, but I am eventually approached by a very strange woman carrying a stack of papers.)

Woman: Hello. You’re the one who draws animals, yes?

Me: Found me! So, what do you–?

Woman: Oh, good! Because I have something I want you to do for me.

(She digs through her papers and hands me a printed photo of a taxidermy tree kangaroo. Needless to say, I’m confused.)

Me: Oh? Is this what you–?

Woman: Yes, yes. I went to the Smithsonian and I love that animal. I was wanting to know if you could maybe go out of the way of what you regularly do? I know it’s not a pet, but it’s still an animal…”

(As odd as it sounds, hearing it’s a photo from a trip made it make a little more sense. We discuss pricing and what she wants. She’s adamant that the photo is what she wants, so I work from that, but I keep her updated throughout just to make sure I’m on the right track. When I am finished, I call her to come pick up the piece.)

Woman: “Oh.”

Me: “Something wrong?”

Woman: “Oh. No. Except…”

(She fidgets, then gestures at the finished product.)

Woman: “It’s wrong. The wrong color.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Woman: “There’s another color of tree kangaroo. I wanted the other color.”

Me: “You gave me a photo to work from. You said that’s what you wanted.”

Woman: “Yes, well, that was the pose I wanted.”

Me: “You’ve been approving it every stage of the way.”

Woman: “But this is the wrong color of tree kangaroo.”

Me: “Why didn’t you tell me you wanted a different color?”

Woman: *sighing heavily* I figured it was obvious.”

Me: “I should have just… known?”

Woman: “You’re the artist. I thought you knew those things.”

(She did eventually pay, but informed me that I should learn to ‘sync’ with my clients better, because, as the artist, I should just ‘know’ things. To this day, I still tell all my friends about the tree kangaroo lady who was convinced I should be telepathic.)

Interlocked Into That Price

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Bad Behavior, Criminal & Illegal, Transportation

(A customer comes in who has an “interlock” on his car, which is a system the courts here put on cars of people who get convicted of drink driving. The interlock will only allow the driver to start their car once they blow in a breath test and get a nil alcohol reading. I am nearly finished checking this customer’s car in when he advises me of this.)

Customer: “Yeah, so, my car has an interlock on it, just so you know”.

Me: “Ah, ok. Well, thanks for letting us know and due to this there will be an additional $25 fee on top of your parking total”.

Customer: “What?! That’s ridiculous! Why?”

Me: “Because, sir, due to the interlock you will have to park your car yourself in our facility and our staff will be unable to move your car at all until you return, which does make it harder for us to get to any other cars behind yours.”

(Customers has a grumble about this, and asks to speak to my supervisor, who tells him the exact same thing I have.)

Customer: “Why can’t you just blow in my interlock when you need to move it? Are you afraid you’ll get a positive reading? Do you drink at work or something?”

Supervisor: “No, sir. Not that that is your business but I DON’T drink at work and I will NOT blow into your interlock for OH&S reasons.”

(Customer finally agrees to pay the $25 fee but has to have the last word.)

Customer: “I think this is ridiculous; you guys certainly know how to milk the money out of people!”

Me: “Well, I guess it just doesn’t pay to drink and drive, does it, mate?”

Time To Take A Screenshot In The Dark

| Europe | Extra Stupid, Technology

(Our tech support department has just sent out an email with instructions on how to configure something, complete with screenshots. I overhear the colleague next to me receiving a support call.)

Colleague: “Hello, this is tech support. How can I help you?”

Colleague: “Yes, you have to follow these instructions.”

Colleague: “You see that dialog box?”

Colleague: “Great, click the okay button!”

Colleague: “What do you mean, nothing happens?”

Colleague: “You should really see that other screen after clicking okay on that dialog box!”

Colleague: “You do see the dialog box, right?”

Colleague: “Good, and you do click okay on it, right?”

(After about 15 minutes of trying to figure it out, I see my colleague doing a double face-palm and trying hard not to laugh.)

Colleague: “Okay, so it works now?”

Colleague: “Great, thank you for calling! Have a nice day!”

Me: “So what was the problem?”

Colleague: “You’ll never guess… the person was clicking the screenshot!”