The Stupid Just Radiates Off Of Him

| Kamloops, BC, Canada | Right | December 31, 2015

(I am an 18-year-old student working at a local grocery store chain, normally as a cashier but occasionally I’m put in the meat & seafood department to clean up at the end of the day. This happens to be one of those days. The phone rings, and I pick it up.)

Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [Store]’s meat and seafood department. This is [My Name] speaking. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, uh, where do you get your tuna from?”

Me: “It’s fished off the coast of BC, close to Vancouver.”

Customer: “Yeah, well I’m calling because my wife saw something on Facebook that said that the tuna there is full of radiation.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “There was a post on Facebook that said your tuna was irradiated.”

(I’m trying as hard as I can not to laugh.)

Me: “I can assure you, there is no radiation poisoning in our tuna.”

Customer: “I don’t know. The post was really detailed.”

Me: “Well, I wouldn’t believe everything I read on Facebook, but I can get a manager for you if that helps.”

(I go and get my manager, who laughs as soon as he hears the situation. He talks to the customer for a bit, eventually coming to a conclusion.)

Manager: “Radiation, oh man. People believe this s***?”

Sales End, But Stupidity Is Forever

| Canada | Right | December 31, 2015

(I work at a clothing store where we had a sale that ended a couple of weeks prior to this day. Customer comes to the register and throws the blouse on the counter. She starts to tell me about her purchase the week we had the sale, and tells me she got a price adjustment, because she bought a blouse just a couple days prior to the sale.)

Customer: “I want to pay the sale price for this.”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “This was cheaper a couple of weeks ago. So, I want to pay that price.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but our sale is over.”

Customer: “You don’t get it. I WANT to buy a new blouse and I WANT pay the sale price.”

Me: “I understand. Like you mentioned before, you got a price adjustment for the prior blouse you bought, but the sale is now over.”

Customer: “No, you don’t understand. I don’t want to pay the regular price. I want the sale price. I want to buy this new blouse for the sale price.”

Me: “I understand, but when our sales are over, the clothing goes back to our regular price. Therefore, I cannot grant you a sale price if the sale is over. As you told me before, you were able to get a price adjustment for the same blouse you bought, but if you want to purchase a new blouse, it must be paid in full price, because the sale is now over. You’re more than welcome to give us a call next week and check with us for any sales, or if this blouse happens to go on sale again, you may get the price adjusted.”

Customer: “No, you REALLY don’t get it. I don’t understand why you can’t give me the sale price. But, I’ll just pay for it.”

Not Exactly Cooking Up A Compliment

| ON, Canada | Right | December 31, 2015

(I’m a late 20s male working at a downtown hotel. This exchange happens between me and a somewhat regular guest:)

Guest: “Are you married?”

Me: *hesitantly* “No… I’m not.”

Guest: “Oh, so you have to cook for yourself, then?”

Me: *relieved* “Oh, yes. Yes, I do.”

Guest: “Oh, well from the looks of it, you’re a good cook!”

Me: *speechless*

A Multi-Directional Question

| Right | December 30, 2015

The Cat’s Last Meow

| OH, USA | Right | December 30, 2015

(Our small animal clinic opens an hour before the doctor comes in, during which time our grooming appointments, boarding appointments, etc. can come in, as well as customers looking for medication or food. We also receive a few calls. Because things are usually quiet, I am the only one answering phones.)

Caller: “Hi, um, I have a cat? It’s having some trouble.”

Me: “What seems to be going on?”

Caller: “Well, is there a reason a cat wouldn’t be able to go to the bathroom?”

Me: “Is he having trouble urinating or defecating?”

Caller: “I’m not sure; he’s straining in the litter box.”

Me: “Well, potty problems can be caused by a lot of things in cats. If he’s not going poo, that could be constipation. If he’s not urinating, that could be something more serious, like a UTI or a urinary blockage, which would require immediate attention.”

Caller: “Can I bring him in right now?”

Me: “Unfortunately, we do not have a doctor here right now. If you do feel this is an emergency, I would recommend Local Emergency Vet #1 or Local Emergency Vet #2. Would you like either of their numbers?”

Caller: “Well, he’s actually a pretty old cat, and I don’t want to spend that kind of money. Can I just bring him in and you look at him?”

Me: “I am not licensed to practice veterinary medicine, ma’am. I’m afraid only a vet can provide medical advice.”

Caller: “Well, I’m not going to have any time later today. Do you have any appointments tomorrow?”

Me: *wondering if she’s heard the part where I said this is definitely an emergency* “Yes?”

(We make the appointment, and she asks to make a grooming appointment for her cat immediately following his examination, which I reluctantly book.)

Me: “And again, if he continues showing signs of pain, do consider calling back or taking him to an emergency vet.”

(The cat did make it to the appointment the next day — by a thread. The vet ended up referring him to the emergency vet for surgical intervention, which they cheerfully accepted.)

Caller: “Nah, he’s old. If he can’t tough it out, he’s had a good life!”

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