Off-Color Customer

| AZ, USA | Bigotry, Food & Drink

(I am changing out the coffee urns by the entrance when this exchange happens. It’s a very slow part of the day so the restaurant is empty but for one person.)

Customer: “Hey, where do I order a sandwich?”

Me: *pointing to the counter not 15 feet away where the only other customer is ordering* “Right over there, sir.”

Customer: “Where? I don’t see it.”

Me: “Just give your order to that employee right there.”

Customer: “Who? Do I order with you?”

Me: “…no. That guy standing behind the counter right there.”

Customer: “Where?”

Me: *pointing* “Okay, do you see that large sign suspended from the ceiling that says ‘Order Sandwiches Here’?”

Customer: “Where?”

Me: *pointing again* “Do you see those two people standing right there? It’s just above them. Just walk over there.”

Customer: *looking directly at them* “I don’t get it. Where’s the sign?”

Me: “Sir, just walk over to where that other customer is standing and the employee will take your order next.”

Customer: *staring in that direction* “Who?”

Me: *starting to wonder if his eyesight is very bad* “Sir, do you see that person standing at the counter right there?”

Customer: “Oh, you mean that BLACK GUY? He’s a customer?!”

(This was loud enough that the other customer heard and turned around.)

Me: “….yeeeahhh. He’s at the front of the line. Just go over there and stand behind him.”

(The customer still looked confused, and still seemed to have some trouble finding it as he wandered over. I apologized to the other customer as he was leaving, while my poor coworker had a deer-in -the-headlights look while he was trying to get the other guy’s order (which took over five minutes). Thank goodness he came in while it was slow!)

The Last Trip He Takes You On

| San Antonio, TX, USA | Bizarre, Liars & Scammers, Tourists/Travel

(We have a ‘regular’ customer who only calls at night, and only speaks with young sounding, female representatives.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Travel Company]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: *sounding stuffed up throughout the call* “Yes, I need to book a trip from Chicago to Detroit for [date that is always two weeks away from date he calls].”

Me: “Great, and how many will be traveling?”

Caller: “Just me.”

(I check for age and military discounts when all of a sudden, he sneezes.)

Me: “Bless you. Now did you have a time of day in mind?”

Caller: “Oh, thank you. My cat just came in the room. I am allergic. Could you read me the time you have at the lowest prices?”

(The call goes almost normally accept for these ‘allergy’ interruptions, which involve opening the window, dusting, going in the attic, and so on. He gives the name of John Sneed for the reservation and we get to the credit card payment. He gives 8 of the 16 digits, and then hangs up. After having this happen twice, I ask around and confirm he is not a legitimate customer. A jewel of information is given to me, so I’m prepared the next time he calls.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Travel Company]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: *sounding stuffed up* “Yes, I need to book a trip from Chicago to Detroit for [date that is two weeks away].”

Me: “Wonderful! How many will be traveling this time, Mr. [Caller´s Real Last Name]?”

Caller: *hangs up*

Consoling Himself With Lies

| MI, USA | Funny Names, Technology

(An older man comes in, looking perplexed.)

Me: “Sir, was there something I could help you find?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like to get a PS3 but don’t have enough money. How much would I get for my Xbox?”

Me: “Is it an original Xbox, or an Xbox 360?”

Customer: “It’s just an Xbox 2.”

(I show him what the original Xbox and the Xbox 360 looks like.)

Customer: “I’m telling you, it’s the Xbox 2!”

Me: “I’m sorry but I don’t know what that is, so we cannot accept it on trade.”

(At this point he is clearly getting frustrated.)

Customer: “Well, do you take the PS2 or the Wii on trade?”

Me: “Yes, right now the original PS2 goes for $15 and the newer, slim model goes for $20. The Wii’s currently go for around $70.”

Customer: “Well good, ’cause you ain’t gettin’ mine!”

(He snickered to himself and left, convinced he had an Xbox 2.)