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That’s One Woman We Hope Doesn’t Reproduce

, , , , | Working | October 25, 2021

I’m infertile, I’m pretty open about it, and I have a unisex name. I have a coworker who’s pretty transphobic. She goes on a rant about it after an actress comes out as a trans woman.

Coworker #1: “…and, at the end of the day, they’ll never be able to reproduce, so they’ll never be real women. Biological men can’t reproduce and that’s a fact!”

Me: “I’m pretty sure biological men play a key part in reproduction and thus do reproduce.”

Coworker #1: *Splutters* “I meant they can’t get pregnant.”

Me: “Neither can I. Does that mean you class me as a man?”

Coworker #1: “I didn’t say that!”

Coworker #2: “You most definitely said that people who can’t reproduce aren’t real women and can’t ever be.”

Me: “Good thing my name is so versatile.”

Coworker #2: “And here I thought I was going to start calling you Bert.”

Me: “Bert is a good name. But still, I’m not sure I like being a man.”

Coworker #1: “I wasn’t trying to say you were a man.”

Coworker #2 & Me: “But you did.”

Me: “Guess I’m Bert now.”

Even after [Coworker #1] decided to leave — following a transwoman being hired — [Coworker #2] still calls me Bert.

Ah, The Royal “We”

, , , , , | Right | November 16, 2021

I have been working for a businessman who’s selling his mentoring courses, among other tasks.

Being paid monthly while I keep studying, I also host his website, design all his branding, and even prepare some of his talks. I slowly became a part-time assistant for his antics. Suddenly, my client changes his mind the day before an event he organized.

Client: “My wife told me that your work is great, but I want to get the same result… but different. Is there a way “we” can do [a long list of long, vague, time-consuming edits] for free before midnight? I will call you again to give you some creative input in a few minutes.”

Me: “I’m afraid the task you are asking for is lengthy; each one of those edits would take me a while even with automation. Within that time limit, it’s impossible to do it for today, but I could try to give you another close estimate date, or even better, prepare a plan so both of us can—”

Client: “By “we” I mean “you”. Also, don’t tell me we can’t. Tell me what can I do so “we” can do it for today!”

Location, Location, Location

, , , | Right | November 22, 2021

I work for an online shop. The customers make an account, make their order, and get info via email. If they have questions or an issue, they can contact us online or via phone.

My coworker is helping an older customer with an order. They are having issues since it didn’t go through.

Coworker: “Where are you right now?”

They mean to ask where in the ordering process the customer is.

Customer: “Well, I’m at home. Do you think that might be the reason for my issue?”

Yes, my coworker was at fault here for not being clearer, but it was a bit funny that the customer thought their physical location was the reason that they had an issue with their online order. It had nothing to do with the customer’s Internet connection, but they were able to get the order through after a while.

When The Couponator Became Self-Aware

, , , , , | Right | November 4, 2021

I am checking out at a grocery store. The cashier has been polite and professional.

Cashier: “Do you have any coupons today, ma’am?”

Me: *With a big smile* “Yes, ma’am, I have a bunch sitting on my kitchen counter, where they will do me the most good. But thank you for asking! Hopefully, I’ll remember them next time!”

There was a brief pause before we both burst out laughing.

The Couponator 30: Managerial Override
The Couponator 29: A Cents-less Tragedy
The Couponator 28: Panic Attack!
The Couponator 27: Red Friday
The Couponator 26: Father’s Day

Stacks Of Parenting

, , , , , | Right | October 8, 2021

A mother with a four-ish-year-old boy is at the register and wants to check out. While I start to scan the items, the boy starts wandering around.

Customer: “Hey, [Boy], I told you to stay at my side.”

The boy does not listen and finds a stack of shopping baskets.

Customer: “[Boy], come back here! Now!”  

Still, the kid does not listen and starts to climb the baskets. Not surprisingly, the stack tumbles and comes crashing down, burying the boy beneath it. I jump up to look after the kid.

Customer: “No, please don’t.”

I stop and wait to see what the customer is doing.

Customer: *To the boy* “[Boy], did you hurt yourself?”

Boy: “Yes, it hurts.”

Customer: “Does anything hurt badly?”

Boy: “No.”

Customer: “So, pick yourself up and start to stack those baskets again!”

Me: “Oh, there’s no need. I can clean that up once we’re finished. There is no one else in line at the moment.”

Customer: “Thank you, but he has to learn to clean up his own mess and stick up for his mistakes, or else he’ll become spoiled and weak.”

While the boy reluctantly started stacking the baskets, she finished the transaction. Afterward, the customer went to her son, examined him to make sure he really didn’t hurt himself, and helped him to stack the remaining baskets. He was laughing again as they left the store.

This story is part of our Best Of October 2021 roundup!

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