Waiting For The Muffin (Little) Man

| TX, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(Our chocolate chip muffins are coveted by kids as an after-school snack. We recommend that people call ahead and have us set one aside if they want to make sure we aren’t out by the time they arrive, since we stop baking muffins around midday. We will also warm up the muffins on request, but only if they will be eaten immediately, as they will be tough once they cool off.)

Me: *answering phone* “Good afternoon, [Store]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “THIS IS GEORGE.”

Me: “Hi, what can I do for you?”

Caller: “…”

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “THIS IS GEORGE.”

Me: *making the connection between the high-pitched voice and the name of one of our regular second-grader customers* “You want me to save you a muffin, George?”

Caller: “CHOCOLATE CHIP MUFFIN. HEATED, PLEASE.”

Me: “I’ll wait and heat it up when you get here. See you soon, buddy.”

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Making Universal University Assumptions

| USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, School

(I am in college and working full-time as the receptionist for a car repair shop to pay my way. Because I don’t always have customers calling or coming in, the management allows me to bring my homework with me, provided I can put it down immediately when someone phones or comes in. I am 21 and look very young for my age. One older customer walks in and looks down at the book on the desk while I’m pulling her file.)

Customer: “Does your teacher know you’re skipping class?”

Me: “Well… this is just my homework. Now, about your car—”

Customer: “What? High schools don’t have class at night. Is it even legal for you to be here?”

Me: “Actually, I’m in college. I’m 21; I just look a lot younger than I am.”

Customer: “Do not lie to me, young lady. You should be ashamed of yourself. Skipping class and lying. Does your manager know this?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but I’m not in high school. And I’m working on my schoolwork here, so I’m obviously not trying to ditch schoolwork. Now, if I can get you to sign these papers here, we’ll get the estimator to come and—”

Customer: “Nonsense! You’re just trying to get out of responsibility, and now that I’ve caught you, you’re trying to distract me by talking about my car! You young people dropping out of school is what is causing the economy issues we’re having!”

(I quietly flip over the book to show her the cover, which lists the state university name, as well as a college-level class name.)

Customer: “What forms did you need me to fill out?”

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The Non-Voice Of Reason

| Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. Please tell me your policy number?”

Headset: “BEEP-BEEP-BOOP-BEEP-BOOP” *as the policyholder punches in the policy number*

Me: “Please use your voice to tell me your policy number.”

The Only Way To Stop The Call Going Down Under

| IA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Technology

(I work at a well-known electronics store in the computer department.  I am at the customer service desk finishing up with another customer when the phone rings. Seeing that the customer service reps are all busy I take the call.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I would like to speak to someone in computers.”

Me: “I can actually help you. What questions do you have?”

Caller: “Oh… I thought I called the customer service desk.”

Me: “You did. I just happened to be up here and answered the phone.”

Caller: “Well, I would really like to talk to someone in computers.”

Me: “I do work in the computer department. I was just up here…”

Caller: “Could you please transfer me to computers so I can talk to a computer salesman?”

Me: “Okay… please hold.”

(My manager is standing close by and asked what is going on. I explain the call to him and tell him I am going to go to the computer department to take the call. My manager decides to follow me since he knows my sense of humor and is sure this is only going to get better. Once in the computer department I pick up the call.)

Me: “[Store] computers. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Aren’t you the guy I just asked to transfer me to computers?”

Me: “Yes. I am in the computer department. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I WANT SOMEONE WHO WORKS IN COMPUTERS!”

Me: “Sir, I do work in computers and I am fact in the computer department. How can I help you?”

Caller: “DON’T LIE TO ME. YOU WORK IN CUSTOMER SERVICE AND I TOLD YOU I WANT TO SPEAK TO A COMPUTER SALESMAN NOW OR I WILL TAKE MY BUSINESS ELSEWHERE!”

Me: “Okay, sir, please hold.”

(I hang up the phone and get the grin on my face that my coworkers as well as my manager know means I’m thinking up something good. After a few seconds I pick the phone back up.)

Me: *in an obviously fake Australian accent* “G’Day, sir! How can help you?”

(My manager and coworkers are covering their mouths to hide their laughter.)

Caller: “Finally. I have a question about the computer in your ad.”

(I answered all the customers questions still with an Australian accent, and tried hard not to laugh myself. The customer thanked me and stated that he will be in later to pick up the computer. My manager told me the next day that the caller came in after my shift and asked to speak to the nice Australian man that helped on the phone. It was all he could do to keep a straight face.)

Not So Fast Food

, | TX, USA | Food & Drink, Time

(The district manager of the fast food chain is in the building making sure everything is up to standards, so the store manager is a bit tense. I am working on the drive-thru window, where we have a target time of 90 seconds from starting the order to delivering the food. A driver pulls up to the order box.)

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Uh… I’d like a… hmm, number… three? And… uh, no pickles on that.”

Me: “All right, number three with no pickles. What would you like to drink?”

Customer: “Umm, make it… a, uh… Sprite. No, wait. Uh, do you have… diet Sprite?”

Me: *eyeing my timer and wishing he’d hurry up* “No, sorry. Is regular Sprite okay?”

Customer: “No, change it to… a Coke.”

Manager: “[My Name], timer’s ticking.”

Me: “So I have a number three, no pickles, Coke to drink. Will that be all for you today?”

Customer: “No, no, I’m not done. I also want… a number…” *trails off and starts talking to someone else in the car* “…a number nine.”

Me: “And the drink with that?”

Manager: “You’re usually good on the drive through, but if you don’t hurry this up you’ll be in trouble.”

(I mouth ‘sorry!’ at him.)

Customer: “A milkshake to drink.”

Me: “Yes, sir, which flavor?”

Customer: “Uh… chocolate? No, not chocolate… Umm… Strawberry. Yeah, strawberry.”

Me: “Anything else?”

Customer: “Uh…”

Manager: “What is taking you so long?!”

(He grabs a headset to listen in on the order.)

Customer: “I want a… uh… kid’s meal. With… uh… hmm… chicken nuggets.”

Me: “And the drink for that one, sir?”

Customer: “Ummm…”

Manager: *with his headset muted* “…Oh. Carry on.”

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