Raspberry Lie

| Manchester, England, UK | Right | December 7, 2015

(I am restocking cones when a man comes in with his little girl and starts looking at the ice creams with her, trying to help her decide. A minute or so later this happens:)

Dad: “Ooh, look at this one. Do you want this? ‘Raspberry ripple,’ that’s vanilla with strawberry in it!”

Me: “…”

Needs A Medium To Understand This Order

| Detroit, MI, USA | Right | December 7, 2015

(I’m order-taker at the drive-thru.)

Customer: “I’d like a small-medium [Drink].”

Me: *puzzled* “A small-medium [Drink]?”

Customer: *getting really irritated* “YES. A small-medium [Drink]!”

Me: “What size would you like? Small, or medium?”

Customer: “Yes.”

What A Bunch Of Oxy-Morons

| USA | Right | December 7, 2015

(A woman and her husband come up to the customer service counter.)

Woman: “Where is your non-fiction section?”

(Since ‘non-fiction’ ranges from cookbooks to field guides to history and beyond, I have no idea how to respond, so I stare at her for a moment before answering.)

Me: “Well, most of the store is non-fiction. What kind of book are you looking for?”

Woman: “It’s a non-fiction book about some people.”

Me: “Yes. What kind? Is it a biography or maybe true crime?”

Woman: “No, it’s just a non-fiction book about some people. My friend told me it was good. I’m in a book club.”

Husband: “Don’t you just have a non-fiction section?”

Woman: “It’s a non-fiction novel about some people!”

(‘Non-fiction novel’ is an oxymoron. I have to explain what nonfiction is, and she continues to insist that she just needs me to point her to the non-fiction section. She doesn’t have a title, author, or even a general description beyond it being about some people. She is convinced that if I take her to the ‘non-fiction section,’ she’ll find it. Finally, I try to politely end the conversation, because this is pointless.)

Me: “Well, I’m really not sure where to point you, since we’re already standing in a non-fiction section. Do you have any idea what or who the book is about?”

Husband: *looking confused and defeated* “It’s just a non-fiction book… it’s about people.”

Woman: “Maybe I should go get more information from my friend.”

Think Before You Speak About What You’re Thinking

| PA, USA | Right | December 7, 2015

(I work at a store in a mall, and I’m commonly stationed right at the store’s entrance so that I can greet customers, give samples, and tell them about ongoing sales. A male customer walks in.)

Me: “Hello, sir, would you like to try a sample of our [new flavor]?”

Customer: *seemingly saying his thoughts aloud while looking right at me* “She’s pretty…”

Me: “…Please let me know if you need assistance.”

Customer: “I wonder if she has a boyfriend…”

Me: *smiles uncomfortably*

Customer: “Maybe I should ask her…”

(I edge toward the back room of the store, pretending I need to straighten some merchandise.)

When you’re fooling yourself with that diet…

| Right | December 7, 2015
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