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| MO, USA | Language & Words, Transportation

Me: *on the phone with my mechanic* “Do you do body work?”

Mechanic: “I’m afraid not.”

Me: “Could you recommend someone?”

Mechanic: “Recommended?”

Me: “Yes.”

Mechanic: “Okay.” *long pause*

Me: “So, do you know anyone?”

Mechanic: “Recommended?”

Me: “Yes.”

Mechanic: “They’re out on Highway 24.”

Me: “Who?”

Mechanic: “Recommended?”

(We go back and forth until he finally spells it for me: Wreck-a-mended.)

Coming In For War Paint

| Bethesda, MD, USA | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

(I’m a manager at a popular home supply store in the paint supplies department. I’m filling orders for paint, because the work is getting so backed up, when a clearly angry customer approaches the desk. One of the employees talks to the lady for a while before she starts screaming for a manager. The employee points in my direction and waves at me to come over. I drop what I’m doing and walk over.)

Customer: “HELLOOOOOO!”

Me: “Hello there! How can I help you?”

(She lifts a nearly empty can and slams it on the counter.)

Customer: “You dip-s***s sold me the wrong color! My living room is RUINED!”

Me: “Ma’am, I understand you are frustrated, but please refrain from using coarse language. What color were you trying to get?”

Customer: “A DIFFERENT ONE! YOU gave me a MUCH darker color than what’s on this swatch!”

Me: “Here, let me see what you have.”

(The customer hands me a paint swatch with a honey-color circled in marker. I look at the paint and it matches exactly.)

Me: “Is this the color that’s on your walls now?”

Customer: “YES! How many times do I have to say it?! It’s hideous and YOUR fault!”

Me: “By chance, did you try a sample of the paint first? To see what it looked like with the normal lighting in your room? The samples are quite inexpensive and allow you to try out a few different colors to make sure you like something before—”

Customer: “WHY would I spend money on a SAMPLE?! SAMPLES are FREE!”

Me: *glazing over* “This is paint we’re talking about. We give you enough to cover a small area. It’s not like the sample has noth—”

Customer: “You need to fix this mess you made NOW!! You ruined my living room! Now you’re going to fix it!”

Me: “We are not responsible for you not liking the paint you picked out. I CAN mix up some samples for you to take ho—”

Customer: “And YOU need to come to my house to paint my living room!”

Me: “That’s not going to happen.”

Customer: “And you’re going to do it for free to make up for the distress you’ve caused.”

Me: “That is DEFINITELY not going to happen.”

Customer: “And you’re going to refund me the price of the paint!”

Me: “That is also not happening.”

Customer: “AND I want a gift certificate to show me how sorry you are for the headache you’ve caused!”

Me: “In that case, that will definitely never happen.”

Customer: “Then give me my next room’s worth of paint for free!”

Me: “Absolutely not.”

Customer: *shrugs* “Oh well, it was worth a try.”

(She then turned around and left without her empty paint cans.)

About To Get Charged With Battery, Part 5

| State College, PA, USA | Bigotry, Transportation

(I am the only female in the auto shop so I am used to people questioning my knowledge and judgment.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir. I need you to pull your car over to the parking spaces right over there. You can then come in and we will happy to wait on you.”

Customer: “No! I am not moving my car until you give me a free battery! You sold me a bad battery!”

Me: *thinking this could be quick* “I am so sorry to hear that, sir. I would be happy to test the battery. They are warranted for two to four years depending on the battery. If it is under warranty, a new one will be free. May I see your receipt, please?”

Customer: “I don’t have the d*** receipt! It was too long ago! I want a battery now!”

Me: “Well, I cannot do anything without a receipt. But I bet you do have it. There is a plastic pocket on the side of every battery we sell. We always put a duplicate receipt in that pocket. Let’s just take a look.”

(I look at the battery.)

Me: “Sir. This is not our battery. [Retail Store] has never sold this battery in any of its thousand chains across the United States. This is an economy battery that is sold at [Different Store]. We can do nothing for you except sell you a new battery.”

(The customer lets out a litany of swear words. I warn him about it so he agrees to look at batteries but refuses to move his car until I install it. We look at batteries and the cheapest one is $45. He goes nuts on this how we sell crap batteries that never last. I remind him we never sold him that battery. He also lets slip it is six years old.)

Me: “What I can do is charge up your battery for free. Now, that will only last a day to a week, depending. But that will give you time to gather money to get a new battery.”

Customer: “That would be so great! Thank you! Thank you! You are so nice!”

(It is policy that when we charge a battery, we check to see if it is good. The battery is good. It needs to be charged but it will hold a charge. So, I test the alternator. Sure enough, the alternator is bad.)

Me: “Sir. Good news is your battery is fine. Bad news is your alternator is bad.”

Customer: “What are you talking about? I just bought a new alternator! You guys sell crap junk! I don’t believe this! I want a new alternator. You do this just to rip people off.”

Me: “Well, sir. We don’t touch alternators except to test them, so we are not ripping anyone off. Go to any mechanic and they would charge for these tests I just did for free. My suggestion is, I will charge the battery but you need to get a new alternator.”

Customer: “No, I need to talk to a man who knows his business. You think because you have t**s you can rip people off. Get me a real mechanic. Alternators have nothing to do with batteries.”

Me: “Well, my t**s know more about alternators than you do. See the battery starts the car up but then it runs on the alternator. The battery is 12 volts and every time you start the car it drains it a little. A good alternator puts out 14 volts or more but you need at least 12 to keep the battery up. Yours is putting out 9 volts.”

Customer: “I just bought that alternator two years ago! I am getting ripped off!”

Me: “Sir, this car is possibly older than I am. So, you bought a reconditioned alternator. They usually only last two years if it was a cheap one.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I can’t afford… Wait a minute! I know! Let’s put some of those batteries from up in front of the store in it!”

Me: “What batteries?”

Customer: “You’re the expert, right? Well, you said if the battery was good and charged it would last for a little while. So I want to put those cheap batteries I saw up front when I came in.”

Me: “We don’t have any car batteries up front. They are too heavy to be constantly dragging back here. Can you show me what you mean?”

Me: *after following the customer up front* “Sir, which batteries? I don’t see any.”

Customer: “Right there!” *pointing*

Me: “Sir. These are 9-volt batteries meant for electronics.”

Customer: “Well, miss car expert, YOU said a car battery is 12 volts. So I want you to put two of those in my car and then it will be 18 volts and then maybe with the extra, it will charge my alternator up!”

Me: “I… I don’t even know how to respond to that.”

Related:
About To Get Charged With Battery, Part 4
About To Get Charged With Battery, Part 3
About To Get Charged With Battery, Part 2