Self(ish) Checkout

| Jacksonville, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior

(I am picking up my friend at the end of her shift. We both work at this retail store but I am off on this particular day. She is running self checkout which starts to close down at 10:00 pm. It is 10:30 pm and customers are finally understanding that self checkout is closed except for those who are slowly finishing their ring up process. A couple walk up to my friend after passing under the ropes that were put at the entrance of self checkout to block out customers.)

Guy: “Hey, we’ve only got, like, three items. Can we use this?”

Friend: “No, I’m sorry; self check-out closes at 10. These people are just finishing up.”

Guy: *getting agitated* “It’s just three d*** items. The lines are too long so we came here.”

(At this point the manager comes over to see why it is my friend is still here.)

Manager: “[Friend], didn’t your shift end at 10?”

Friend: “Yeah…”

Guy: “Your cashier has been rude as h***! I just have three d*** items and I want to use self checkout!”

Manager: “Fine, whatever. Just do it and don’t keep cursing. Self checkout closes at 10 pm every night.”

(The couple then proceed to begin checking out slowly.  It’s then 10:45 and they ring up alcohol so my friend goes over to check ID.)

Woman: “Why in the h*** you gotta be so rude?!”

(At this point I am beyond annoyed and my patience goes out the door.)

Me: “Maybe cause you two idiots have her staying almost an HOUR over just because you’re too d*** lazy to go to a regular line?! Seriously! It takes you 15 minutes to ring up THREE items?! How about this: why don’t you tell me where you work. I’ll come over the night before something big for you and keep you waiting for over an hour while I do everything to keep you from leaving?!”

(At this point the couple’s jaws drop and they continue the transaction without saying a word and rush out.)

Me: “About dang time.”

She’s A Million Miles From Reality

| Clovis, NM, USA | Transportation

(I’m sitting in the back seat as a kid test drives a car, deciding if it would be a good fit for him while he’s at college. His mother is in the passenger seat.)

Mother: “So, this car only has 6,000 miles on it?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Mother: “That seems low for a three-year-old car.”

Me: “I wasn’t here when they took this in trade, so I don’t know its story, but it is pretty low. That’s what makes it such a bargain!”

Mother: “How do we know the odometer hasn’t rolled over once?”

Me: “Um, it’s a six-digit odometer, ma’am.”

Mother: “So?! What does that have to do with anything?”

Kid: “Mom! Someone would have to drive it over a million miles!”

Me: *jokingly* “And if it’s got 1,006,000 miles on it and still running, you know it’s reliable at least!”

(They didn’t buy the car.)

Bringing You Up To Speed About Your State

| ID, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Tourists/Travel

(I am stopped while driving cross-country, going about 95.)

Highway Patrol: “Do you know how fast you were going, Ma’am?”

Me: “About 95. I thought there was no speed limit in Montana.”

Highway Patrol: “Yes, there is, Ma’am. And you’re in Idaho.”

(I got the ticket.)