His Shopping Trip Came Crashing To The Floor

| Agadir, Morocco | Extra Stupid, Home Improvement

(My dad had heard from a few friends of ours that it’s a good idea to wax the outdoors brick floors so they don’t absorb water. They gave him the name of the brand they use. He’s the slightly moronic customer in this one. We don’t speak French, and they rarely speak English in this area.)

Dad: “I need [Brand] so I can wax our brick floors.”

Employee: *points to bucket*  “It’s for preparing walls before you put on tiles.”

Dad: “No, no, it’s for waxing floors!”

Employee: “Nnnnno, it’s for preparing walls before you tile.”

Dad: “No, it’s not! I need to talk to your expert.”

(An expert comes over, and tries to explain repeatedly what my dad is trying to buy.)

Expert: “This is for preparing walls before you tile.”

Dad: “You’re ALL clearly very wrong.”

(My dad marched out of the store with a five-litre bucket. The bad news: My dad painted the entire roof terrace with sticky stuff meant to help tiles stick to the wall. The good news: He did a really neat job, and it _almost_ doesn’t feel like you’ve stepped in dry soda anymore.)

It’s A Grey(hound) Area

, | Calgary, AB, Canada | Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month, Transportation

(I was working in the call centre for a well-known bus company named after a type of dog. An ad was running at the time for a companion fare (buy one, get one) and it featured images of the type of dog the company is named after. One afternoon I get a call in regards to the pricing and rules for the fare. After giving this info the caller has one last question:)

Caller: “So, to use this companion fare, does my companion HAVE to be a dog?”

They Have It Made

| ON, Canada | Geography, Health & Body, Transportation

(I work night shift at a very popular Canadian coffee chain. Four drunk customers walk into the store, barely able to stand. I spot a white limo outside and these customers are dressed like they’ve been out clubbing.)

Me: “Hey, there. What can I get you ladies?”

Drunk Customer: “Hey, um, I have a question?”

Me: “Yes?”

Drunk Customer: “Um, what city are we in?”

Me: *stammering* “P-pardon me?”

Drunk Customer: “Oh, my God. Are you deaf? What CITY are we in?”

Me: “Erm… you’re in between [City #1] and [City #2].”

Drunk Customer: *turns back to her friends* “OH, MY GOD, GUYS! WE MADE IT!”

(It turned out that the ladies had been gambling in Niagara Falls, about three hours away. After asking for the address of the place and reassuring me that they lived in City #1 and they were headed home (they thought), they left without asking for anything and I was left to wonder exactly how intoxicated one had to be to be that lost and that un-phased by it.)

Out Back Fishing

| Nanuet, NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

(I’m the manager on duty. At the time I’m back in the aquatics department feeding the fish when a customer approaches.)

Me: “Hello. Can I help you with anything, Ma’am?”

Customer: *points to one of the tanks* “Do you have any more of these in the back?”

Me: *I assume she’s gesturing to the fake plants, which we sell* “Possibly, but we also have them out on the floor. I can show you the aisle.”

(I take her over to the decor aisle.)

Customer: “No, not those!” *walks back over to the tank, jabbing her finger at the glass*  “Those!”

Me: “The… fish?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “I’m… sorry. But, ah… no. These tanks are the only place we keep the fish. I don’t put them in the stockroom.”

Customer: *huffs and walks away*

Heed The Words Of Wisdom

| WA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Technology

(Our libraries offer self-checkout stations in addition to staff-assisted checkout. The self-check consists of a touch-screen monitor and barcode scanner. Using the scanner can take some practice. If it doesn’t get the entire item barcode an error message appears on the monitor. There are also several other error messages a customer can get regarding late fees, exceeding the checkout limit, etc. Because the monitors face customers and not the staff, we don’t know what error someone has unless we run around the counter to look. Some customers aren’t great at articulating which error message they’ve received or for asking for assistance at all.)

Customer: *scans an item* “There. Are. Words.”

Me: “I’m sorry? Did you get an err—”

Customer: “THERE ARE WORDS ON THE SCREEN!”

Me: “Let’s take a look. It’s asking you to tap the ‘OK’ button and scan the item again because it misread the barcode.”

Customer: *she jabs at the screen and re-scans the item aggressively*

Me: “Yay, it worked!”

Customer: *grunts and walks away*

Coworker: “If she couldn’t handle reading the screen, how will she manage with the book she’s checked out?”

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