He Could Also Do With Less Hot Air

| MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

(I am working as a balloon artist and have a very long line. The balloons I ordered for this event weren’t in on time, so I have to buy some balloons of poor-quality at a craft store. Due to the heat of the day, the balloons are popping frequently, and I am getting super frustrated.)

Me: *to the next kid in line, who already has at least three balloons* “And what would you like?”

Kid: “A blue sword!”

Me: “All right!”

(Being one of my quicker patterns, I quickly pump it up and make it. When I give it the final twist, it pops.)

Me: “Oh, shoot, sorry about that!”

(I pump up another balloon, which again pops. At this point the kid’s dad has come over.)

Kid’s Dad: “You’re putting too much air in the balloon.”

Me: *trying to smile* “Oh, it’s not that. I’ve recently switched balloon brands, and these don’t like the sun as much.”

(The third balloon again pops, which rarely happens.)

Me: “Shoot, sorry about that! Third time’s the charm, right?”

Kid’s Dad: “No, seriously. You’ve got to put less air in it, otherwise it will pop.”

Me: “Oh, okay.”

(Having done balloons since I was 10, and having made hundreds of swords, I of course already know this. I make the balloon, with just as much air as usual, and it doesn’t pop.)

Me: “There you are!”

(The kid grabs it without saying thanks.)

Kid’s Dad: “See? I told you.”

(The dad walked away, also without saying thanks.)

A Dashing Hero

| ME, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(I worked at a Chinese restaurant where many people would dine and dash on the owner, who they knew couldn’t catch them due to having bad arthritis in both hands. This happens one day when I have just come into work.)

Old Lady: *comes in with her granddaughter and granddaughter’s best friend*

Me: “Just three, miss?”

Old Lady: “Yes.”

Me: *takes them to a table* “Anything to drink while you decide what you would like?”

Old Lady: “Pepsi.”

Granddaughter: “Sprite.” *giggling*

Me: “We have Sierra Mist. Is that all right?”

Granddaughter: “Yes!” *laughs*

Me: “…and you, miss?”

Granddaughter’s Best Friend: “I’ll have the same.” *smiling in an odd way*

Me: *nods and gets their drinks*

(They take another 10 minutes whispering before they ordered. They take a half hour ordering food which costs over $100.00. By now I’m suspicious.)

Me: *comes out of the other dining area in time to see them leaving without paying* “HEY!”

Granddaughter: *laughing and running*

Me: *grabs her by the upper arm* “Oh, H***, no! You will NOT dine and dash on MY shift, LADY!”

Old Lady: *comes in and hits me with her bag* “LET HER GO, YOU B****.”

Granddaughter: “OWWW! YOU’RE HURTING MEEE!”

Me: “I’m only squeezing enough to hold you! Now, lady! If you don’t stop hitting me, I will call the police!”

(An officer just happens to come in and I know him.)

Officer: “[My Name], are you having trouble?”

Me: “Can I do it just once?”

Old Lady & Granddaughter: *both pale and stop what they were doing*

Officer: *laughs* “Yes.”

Me: *I grab both women and yank them outside where I swing the granddaughter out, and release the old lady* “Your choice.”

(The old lady gave me the money for the bill, and a tip! The officer was laughing and my boss gave me a gift certificate for a free meal for my entire family!)

Bellowing, Not Belling

| MN, USA | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging

(I work at the front desk of a large resort in a small town. This is late at night so I am in the back room working on some nightly tasks. I have set the bell out on the counter in case a guest comes and I don’t see them.)

Guest: “HELLOOO!”

Me: “Hello! How can I help you?”

Guest: “I just want to get checked in! I have been waiting here for five minutes!”

Me: “Oh, I am very sorry about that! Can I just get your last—”

Guest: “I demand to speak to a manager about having to wait! That is ridiculous!”

(I call the night manager up from helping another guest.)

Manager: “How can I help you?”

Guest: “This girl kept me waiting out here for five minutes before helping me!”

Manager: *to me* “Is this true?”

Guest: “Yes, it’s true! She didn’t even notice me!”

Manager: “And you tried ringing the bell?”

Guest: “Well, of course not!”

Manager: “May I ask why not?”

Guest: “Well, that would have been rude!”