Doing A Fat Lot Of Good

| FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(I pick up a double to help out a coworker. I have tables: 16 people total and one really annoying guy running me ragged with all sorts of weird requests and what he thinks are ‘cute’ jokes.)

Annoying Guy: “…and I want them to cook fat and put it on top of my steak.”

Me: “Of course, sir. I’ll bring it out when it’s ready.”

(In between then and his food, he demands several other things, as do my other tables, which is obviously making things take a little longer. Finally, his food is out:)

Annoying Guy: “Oh, you’re here? You were gone so long, I thought you didn’t work here anymore. I lost 10 pounds waiting for you!”

(I finally lose my composure a bit.)

Me: “Well, then it’s a good thing you’ve added this fat to your steak!”

Wise To The Pennywise

| Dallas, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Math & Science, Money, Top

(I am a customer waiting in line. There is only one register open, and the woman before me with her five grown children only has five items. The cashier gives the woman her total.)

Customer: “That’s not right. You didn’t add the coupons.”

Cashier: “I did, ma’am. They were on [item #1] and [item #2]. The coupons do not apply to already discounted items.”

Customer: “But it should be less. You’re cheating me out of $1.20!”

Cashier: “Ma’am, your coupons did apply. You had two of them and they went to the two items not on sale. The other three items were on sale.”

Customer: “This isn’t fair! You see me with these kids?” *she gestures to her five grown children wandering around the aisle* “I have to feed them tonight! I need that money! You are cheating me!”

Cashier: “Ma’am, I can go over the receipt with you to show you exactly how the register calculated your total. Or I can return the items if you need the money.”

Customer: “No! I know I am right!”

(This goes on for 15 minutes, with the line behind me building. A manager is called up to explain that there was no error, but the customer keeps insisting. The manager tries to get the cashier onto another register to help the line, but the customer is refusing to let anyone leave their spot.)

Customer: “You’re cheating me out of my money! I should call your head office. You are cheating a poor mother so she can’t feed her kids. You should be ashamed of yourself.”

Me: *fed up* “Ma’am, if it’s that big of a deal, I’ll give you $1.20 to cover your purchase. In fact, we can start up a collection. Everyone! This poor woman is unable to pay for some of her order, and she needs every penny that she can to feed her kids. Let’s ignore the fact that all of them are holding iPhone 5s and the three young ladies have Coach and Gucci bags that are probably worth more than what any of us make in a month. This woman can’t afford to feed them, and is spending her money on general crafting supplies. Who would like to help me pay for the $1.20 that she can’t cover on her purchase?”

(The customer starts fuming and stomps off without her items; her wide eyed kids walking behind her in shock. I was called up to the register a moment later.)

Cashier: “Thank you…”

Me: “No need. I have dealt with b****es like that for years. I’ve always wanted to do that and not worry about getting fired!”

Texan Bull In A China Shop

| ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Bigotry

(I am Canadian; I was born in Canada and have lived here all my life. I don’t look Chinese at all, though my hair is brown. This day a racist customer decided I was Chinese.)

Customer: “Hey c****! Hurry up; we didn’t let you in this country to laze about!”

Me: *calmly* “Nice accent. Where are you from?”

Customer: “Texas. Now, d*** well hurry up! I have places to be!”

Me: “Well, first off, you’re Texan so you didn’t let me into the country. Second, my mother may have come to Canada 30 years ago, but it was from England where she was born and her great-grandparents were born! Third, my father’s family emigrated to Canada from England in 1926! So, no, I am not Chinese! Now get out of MY country!”

Customer: “Call your manager! Right now! I’m getting you fired!”

Manager: *who heard the whole thing, in his best accent* “You need to tell this c**** something, sir?”

(The customer ran away from my manager: a very annoyed, very big, Chinese man.)