Been Reading To Him Since Way Before He Was Born

| Seattle, WA, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid, Family & Kids

Customer: “Can you recommend a book for my son?”

Me: “Sure, how old is he?”

Customer: “Three.”

Me: “Okay. What’s he into?”

Customer: “I don’t know. I haven’t seen him in five years.”

Me: “Um, he’s three?”

Customer: “That’s what I said.”

Me: “But… you haven’t seen him in five years?”

Customer: “Yeah, messy divorce. I just moved back to Seattle. I used to read him bedtime stories.”

Me: “How old was he?”

Customer: “You know, like a toddler.”

Me: “I think you’re missing something. He was three when you left, but it’s five years later. Your son is eight now…”

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Can’t Keep Account Of The Year

| NB, Canada | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging, Time

(I work at the front desk of a hotel and I take a call.)

Customer: “Yes, I’d like to make a reservation for this Monday for three rooms.”

Me: “Absolutely! Have you stayed with us before?”

Customer: “Yes, I have, and I am set up with a direct billing account as well. It’s under [Company Name].”

(I search but find nothing in the system for this company.)

Me: “Hmm, I can’t seem to find you here. Have you stayed with us recently? As in, the last 12 months?”

Customer: “Ugh, YES! Why does this happen every time I make a reservation with you all?! We were here a couple months ago and we went through this same ordeal and I’m not re-sending any information!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I’ve probably just spelled it wrong. [Company Name] is an acronym, yes? I’ll find it one way or another.”

Customer: “You’d better!”

(I look under every possible spelling of the name and find nothing. I attempt to find her most recent reservation, hoping that the company profile info is attached to it but find nothing at all. The entire time she is sighing heavily and telling me how angry she is with our company for never having her account on file.)

Customer: “This is unacceptable! Every time I call you guys I have to re-send all the information! I keep telling your manager to keep my account open until further notice. Yet you people keep closing my account. This is unbelievable!”

(I know for a fact this is not the case. Our system is set up to automatically delete any profile or account after 12 months of inactivity due to the large volume of company accounts we have being created all the time. Also, we can only access accounts created at our own hotel, not others within our chain. I try gently to explain all this but she insists none of this applies to her situation.)

Customer: “Ugh, fine. Just make sure I have three rooms, all under [Customer] for Monday at the corporate rate. I should get them free though for all this trouble! Is your pool actually working this time?”

Me: “Um… yes, of course. Everything here is always in good working order.”

Customer: “Well, it wasn’t the last time! The pool was out of order the entire four days we were there. My employees asked me to make sure it was working this time. Also the time before that the restaurant was closed for renovations. You guys just don’t seem to be with it, EVER!”

Me: “Are you absolutely certain that the last time you stayed here the pool was out of order?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “You never stayed here after that time, and the restaurant was definitely closed the time before that?”

Customer: “Yes, why? Am I being compensated now?”

Me: “Okay… Ma’am, I think I see the problem here and I know why you’ve had to reopen your account with us. Our pool was out of order two and a half years ago. We did some major renovations to prepare for the summer season. That is nearly 30 months ago which is much more than 12 so the system definitely would have deleted your AR account and company profile.”

Customer: “Well, I didn’t realize it was so long ago. Well, fine! But the time before that was just a couple months…”

Me: “Also, we don’t have a restaurant. The only hotel in the our chain in this province that has a restaurant is in [Major City Four Hours Away]. I remember they had a kitchen fire around Halloween 2011 and had to close for a few weeks for repairs. We wouldn’t have been able to access your profile or account at your next visit. ”

Customer: “Uh…”

Me: “Hey, at least we know this wasn’t the result of our employees incompetence though, right? Would you like our fax number so you can forward us your information to set up an account and profile?”

Customer: “Yes. Yes, but you should have been clearer! It felt like we were just there, and how should I know 12 months is less than two years?”

Me: “There are 12 months in a year—”

Customer: “YOU SHOULD HAVE A RESTAURANT!” *click*

A New Form Of Pest Control

, | UT, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I am working at a popular fast food restaurant on a weekday. We are not extremely busy, but did have a fairly large drive-thru line. A man comes into the dining room and places his order wearing his work uniform. He is the only person in the dining room but he only waits about three minutes before coming to the counter to complain.)

Customer: “I have been waiting for my order for f***** ever, and want to speak with your manager, and I want my meal for free.”

(The manager comes over after hearing the customer.)

Manager: “How can I help you, sir?”

Customer: “I’ve been waiting here for f****** ever, and I expect my food now, and I expect it for free.”

Manager: “I’m sorry but we serve on a ‘first-come, first-serve basis’ and have a long line in the drive-thru. I can give you a discount on your order, but we can’t give it to you for free.”

Customer: “Your corporate offices are going to hear about your s**** service and you’ll be fired.”

(The customer storms out and I ask my manager what happened. He said this customer comes in about once a month to do this, but never wore a uniform before. It turns out the customer worked for a pest control company which our restaurant uses for routine sprays around the building. My manager calls the number on the customer’s uniform and tells them what has happened and that we’ll be using a different service from now on. A couple of days later the customer comes in again.)

Me: “Hello, sir. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m very sorry for how I acted the other day. Will you call my boss and ask them if I can have my job back?”

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Total Recall

| WI, USA | At The Checkout, Math & Science, Money

(Whenever a customer hands me actual cash, I always recount it and repeat the sum back to them to ensure they have given me the right amount, The customer is in a rush and not listening to me.)

Me: “With your coupons, your total is $12.34.”

(The customer hands me $21 and some change while looking at the display.)

Me: “Out of $21.46?”

(She ignores me so I enter the amount into the computer, take out her change and close the drawer.)

Me: “Your change is $9.12. Would you like your receipt with you or in the bag?”

Customer: “What? I didn’t want change back! That’s why I gave you exact change! I should be getting $5 back!”

Me: “No, Ma’am. I told you the total was $12.34 after your discounts and repeated how much you gave me back to you.”

Customer: “But the display says $16.46! Give me the right change back; I’m trying to lighten my purse and I don’t want coins!”

Me: “That was before the discounts. The display shows the amount due after discounts on this side of the display.” *I reach over the monitor to point*

Customer: “Open the register back up and get me the correct change! NOW!”

Me: “The register will only open for a cash transaction.”

(The lady continues to yell at me, disregarding her own stupidity until another customer eventually pushes in front of her while giving her a dirty look.)

Next Customer: “She told you the correct total and you didn’t bother paying attention.”

Complaining To Have Nothing To Complain About

| MI, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(At the restaurant all ‘extra’ items are served on the side, such as lemons for water or extra dressing, as well as a few of the sides. One of the customers has ordered a water with lemon, and this occurs after I set down her glass.)

Customer: “I said I wanted water with lemon. Why are you incapable of doing anything right?”

(I set out down the dish of lemons that was on my tray with the remaining drinks.)

Customer: “Oh, usually people forget them.”

Me: “Okay, well, are you ready to order?”

Customer: “Yes, I will have [Food], with a side of ranch, ketchup, and [several other extra items]. And you better not forget anything, I am so tired of having to ask six times for everything.”

Me: “I won’t forget anything.”

Customer: “Yeah, right; you people always forget something.”

Me: “Okay, I will do my best.”

(Since it this is a larger table, when the food is finally ready it takes three servers to carry out the food. I set the customers food down first.)

Customer: “Where is my ketchup, ranch, and [several other items]? I knew you would forget them. You are completely worthless!”

Me: “I have them but they are on the next few trays.”

(I gesture to the two servers behind me waiting with the rest of the order.)

Customer: “No, it’s not. You’re just making excuses for your incompetence.”

(The customer continues to yell at me the entire time I am passing out the food while watching me to be sure I don’t sneak back to get items that I forgot. After I am done I look at the customer.)

Me: “Is there anything else you need?”

(The customer looks at the food and starts to pout. Her husband, who has been silent this entire time, finally speaks, obviously somewhat annoyed.)

Husband: “Well, I don’t think she forgot anything did she, honey? It looks like she brought everything you wanted.”

Customer: “Well, yeah, but she only got everything so that she could make me look bad.”

(The customer did not say another word the rest of the time the were there. Instead she just glared angrily at me!)

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