Smile, And The Whole World Goes Crazy

| Toronto, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre

(I’m in line at a grocery store. The cashier is a girl in her teens, and looks like she’s had a long night. She’s not rude or anything, just not particularly perky. She’s bagging the customer’s items.)

Customer: *leaning towards the cashier with a big creepy smile on her face* “You know, the smiles here are free!”

(The cashier’s eyes widen a little, but before she can decide if this woman is serious, the customer keeps going:)

Customer: “You know, I used to work as a cashier, and I know how hard it can be, but you just HAVE to keep smiling! Smiling is SO important in this job!”

(She smiles even wider, clearly pleased with herself and the ‘wisdom’ she’s imparted. She takes her bags, smiles EVEN WIDER, and skips off.)

Me: “I wonder if she knows that she stole that line from McDonald’s?”

Cashier: *dazed* “No, I think she thinks she came up with it. Thank god I’m off in five minutes!”

Misunderstanding Free Trade

| MI, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Customer: “I want a cup of 2% milk with four pumps of chocolate in it.”

Me: “What size would you like?”

Customer: “The size that’s free.”

Me: *thinking I misheard, or maybe she’s joking* “I’m sorry, what?”

Customer: “Whatever size is free! I want that size!”

Me: “Um, we don’t have a ‘free cup of chocolate milk’ in any size.”

Customer: “Don’t lie to me! I know that’s why you have the milk out on the condiment bar! But I want 2%, not creamer!”

Me: “That’s for customers to put in their coffee. It’s not so you can make free cups of chocolate milk.”

(It took me almost 10 minutes to convince her I wasn’t going to make her a free cup of chocolate milk.)

A Ballooning Crazy Request

| Knoxville, TN, USA | Crazy Requests

(I am working the registers and taking phone calls, when I got the following:)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I was wondering what the most durable balloons you have are.”

Me: “Um… I’m not sure what you mean. Do you mean longest lasting?”

Caller: “No, I mean which balloons are the most durable. You know, so they won’t pop easily.”

Me: “Could I ask you what you’re using them for? Maybe I could give you a better recommendation.”

Caller: “Well, my kids got some BB guns for their birthdays, and I need some balloons that won’t pop if they get hit accidentally.”

Me: “So you’re looking for a balloon that can stand up to being shot with a BB gun.”

Caller: “Exactly! Yes!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we don’t carry any bulletproof balloons…”