Happiness Shield

| Right | August 18, 2015

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Must Be Using 2% Of Their Brain

| USA | Right | August 18, 2015

Me: “Thank you for choosing [Company]. My name is [My Name]. May I have your name and account number, please?”

Customer: “God d*** it, not this again. Look, I just need you guys to send me a god d*** technician to fix my Internet! It’s been three days since it was installed and it still doesn’t work!”

(At this point I take a deep breath and grab my stress ball.)

Me: “Oh, well, that’s no good. Newly installed and not even working? I definitely understand the concern, but I’d be more than happy to help figure out what’s going on and see if we can get you online.”

Customer: “Yeah, whatever. Just fix it.”

Me: “Okay, well, let’s start off with what exactly isn’t working? Are you not connected to the wifi? Is the—”

Customer: “Look, I’ve already typed the d*** wifi password in 10 times and it doesn’t work. I just need a technician.”

Me: “If we need to set you up with a technician we will, but we could probably fix this over the phone pretty quickly. Now, this might seem like a silly question, but what wifi password are you using? By the way, the password is on the si—”

Customer: “Yeah, yeah, it’s on the side of the modem. I already know.”

Me: “Okay, well, read it off to me so I can make sure we’ve got the right one.”

Customer: “TWO-ZERO-SLASH-ZERO-B-F-THREE-….”

Me: “Okay, thank you. Now, I noticed you said you were putting in ’20/0′ for the first four characters, right?”

Customer: “YES, that’s what I just said!”

Me: “All right, the correct password is ‘2%BF3. That’s a percent sign, ma’am.”

(Three minutes later…)

Me: “Did it work?”

Customer: “…Yes.”

Me: “All right, it looks like we didn’t have to send that technician after all!”

Related:
Must Be Using 1% Of Her Brain

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My Name Is The Law(rence)

| Kent, England, UK | Right | August 18, 2015

(I’ve always had trouble with people mishearing my name “Lawrence” on the phone, even getting mistaken with my dad’s one-syllable name when I was at home. In my job, fewer than half of our callers get it right the first time. I try to politely correct them where I can as we are a small company and I’ll likely deal with them frequently by phone and email.)

Me: “Good morning, [Company]. Lawrence speaking. How may I help?”

Customer: “Hi, Aaron, I—”

Me: “Sorry, it’s ‘Lawrence.'”

Customer: “Sorry, Florence—”

Me: “Lawrence.”

Customer: “…Warren?”

Me: “LLLaaaawrrreeeennnnsss”

Customer: “Terrence, I’m so sorry—”

Me:Lawrence of Arabia.”

Customer: *laughing* “Lawrence! Got it. I’ll remember that. You must think I’m so thick.”

Me: “Well, you didn’t try ‘Tony’ like the last guy…”

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“I Hate You” Face

| Right | August 17, 2015

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A Cent-less Amount

| St. Clairsville, OH, USA | Right | August 17, 2015

Customer: “How much is it to copy something?”

Me: “Is it in color or black and white?”

Customer: “Black and white.”

Me: “It’s eleven cents.”

Customer: “How much is it for two copies?”

Me: “Twenty-two cents.”

Customer: “How much is it for five copies?”

Me: “Fifty-five cents.”

Customer:” How much is it for 10 copies?”

Me: “It’s still going to be eleven cents per copy.”

Customer: “Well, is there a break in the price after so many copies?”

Me: “Yes. After 1001 copies, the price goes down to ten cents a copy.”

Customer: “Oh, no! I just need two copies!”

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