Their True Colors Are Off-Color

| Kansas City, MO, USA | Bizarre, Home Improvement

(I work in a custom shirt shop. We have a lot of variety in our shirts that we keep in stock, trying to have two-three shades of all the basic colors. However, more unique colors don’t have a high turn over, and we try to keep our overstock as low as possible to keep down costs. This customer had had shirts designed by us before on a basic light brown but now wants some brighter, spring colors.)

Customer: “There’s this really pretty coral that’s popular right now. Do you have anything in a coral?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We just have a few shades in the more basic colors. I have a couple shades of pink I could show you.”

Customer: *pointing to two shirts on the wall* “Well, that shirt over there is more of an orange, but the colors on this fox here is more of an umber. Do you have any shirts closer to an umber?”

Me: “Again, we tend to have just a couple shades in the basic color palette. I could show you our two oranges.”

Customer: “No, no, that’s more of a rust! I don’t want another fall color. I want something brighter.”

Me: “Well, that’s called ‘Tennessee Orange,’ and that one is ‘Safety Orange.’ Those are the only oranges we have.”

Customer: “What about something in more of a fuschia-y salmon?”

Me: “I have pink. I have neon pink and dark pink. Would you like to see the two shades of pink?”

Customer: “Well, I also like purple, but I don’t want a royal purple. What about something in like a mauve?”

Me: “I have purple. I have dark purple and light purple. I can bring out two samples and show you our shades of purple.”

Customer: “Well what colors DO you have?!”

Me:  “Basic colors, two-three shades of each. Red, yellow, blue…”

Customer: “Let me see your blue.”

(I FINALLY bring out the three shades of blue we have, hoping she likes one.”

Customer: “Is this ALL you have?”

Me: “Yes, we have three shades of blue. These three shades. Royal, turquoise, and light blue.”

Customer: “Fine. I will take the BABY blue.”

Me: “You mean this one… the light blue, right?”

(All I can think is someone had the big box of crayons as a kid and felt like showing off!)

Ballooning Demands, Part 2

| TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

(Our store closes at 7 pm on weeknights, so we lock our doors at 6:55. A customer bangs at the door at 6:58 with the promise that she needs just one thing. I let her in and tell her we’re closing the registers in two minutes. Two minutes pass and she’s not at the register.)

Me: “Ma’am, you told me that you only needed one thing when you came in here. It’s seven and we have to shut our registers down.”

Customer: “I know, but I forgot I also need…” *lists off a dozen items*

Me: “There’s no way you’re going to have time to get all of that. If you want, we can gather this for you and bag it, then you can pick it up in the morning and pay.”

Customer: “NO! It needs to be tonight! It’s an emergency.”

Me: *sighs and realizes she’s going to be a problem* “I’ll ask one of the registers to stay open five more minutes, and then we have to shut down.”

(Luckily, the customer is up there in three minutes with her arms full. My co-worker is checking her out when the woman says she needs to put in a balloon order for her son’s first birthday party. I hurry and grab a slip of paper to fill out with the information.)

Customer: “Do you have any specials on your balloons?”

Me: “No. We stopped doing specials on them months ago because of the helium shortage. We do offer balloons at a cheaper price if you buy 20 or more.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t really need 20. Can you do the order in multiple colors?”

Me: “We can do them in as many as you like.”

Customer: “I want them to match the theme of the party.”

(She starts naming colors, which I write down, but she can’t decide on the blue. I go grab four different blue balloon colors.)

Customer: “Give me the aqua, no powder blue. No, island is better. No, I’ll just go with aqua. Can I have just twelve balloons at the cheaper price?”

Me: “I’m afraid we can’t do that. It’s in the system at a set price and I don’t have the authority.”

Customer: “I just don’t need 20. I guess I’ll get 20, though.”

Coworker: “I’m glad we could help you with your son’s first birthday. That’ll be [high amount].”

(The customer hands over her card and it’s declined.)

Customer: “Ugh, I know there’s money on that card. It just won’t go through because my check is still pending. Can you stay open just a little longer so I can run to the ATM and withdraw some money?”

Me: “We can’t. We should have already closed over 10 minutes ago. As I suggested before, why don’t we bag this up and you can come for this in the morning when you come to get your balloons?

Customer: “I guess so. Are you sure you can’t let me run to the ATM?”

Me: “I’m positive, ma’am.”

(I help to write her name and information on one of the bags, staple it shut and put it behind the main counter.)

Customer: *as she’s walking out* “Oh, do me a favor? I don’t know if I want those balloons. Will you make sure they don’t fill them until I call?”

Me: “… Yes, ma’am.”

Coworker: *after the customer has left* “So we just wasted 15 minutes for her to walk out empty handed and she’s probably going to call and cancel that balloon order tomorrow.”

Me: “Yep.”

Ballooning Demands

Honesty Unplugged

| Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology

Caller: “Hello, my— Oh, s***, wait. Never mind, I forgot to plug it in. I swear I’m getting dumber every year.” *click*

Me: “… Well, all right, then.”

(Wrong numbers notwithstanding, that was the shortest call of my career.)

One Man’s Chocolate Is Another Man’s Poison

| Clearwater, FL, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(My boyfriend and I are walking through a store when he notices a chocolate fountain on display.)

Boyfriend: “Who would actually buy one of these? You can just rent them.”

Me: “Probably someone who entertains a lot.”

Boyfriend: “But if you owned one then your guests would never leave!”

(Another customer has overheard us and butts in.)

Random Creepy Customer: “Poison! If you poison them then they’ll never come back!”

Boyfriend: “… I guess that’s true.”

(At this point, my boyfriend quickly leads me to another aisle.)

Boyfriend: *whispering* “If you ever see that customer again, don’t eat anything she offers you!”

How To Kiss Problem Customers Goodbye

| IN, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Rude & Risque

(I normally take my lunch break when my husband gets off work. Today is a really busy day and I’m not getting my lunch break, so my husband has approached me at my checkout line. I give my husband a hug and quick peck on the cheek and say goodbye. I turn to my next customer.)

Customer: “Where’s mine?”

Me: “Your what?”

Customer: *very serious* “My hug and kiss. He got one. I want one, too.”

Me: “Oh! I only hug and kiss the customers I’m married to.”

Customer: *disgusted* “Well, that’s not good customer service. I wanted a hug and kiss!”

(A coworker then decides to step in. He’s a big guy about 6″ tall and very heavy.)

Coworker: “Well, it would be a shame to let you leave unhappy.”

Customer: “I know. It’s not fair that she kisses other men but won’t give me one!”

Coworker: “I’ll take care of that for you.”

(My coworker walks towards the customer with his arms out.)

Coworker: “Let me show her what customer service is. I’ll take care of that hug and kiss.”

Customer: “Uh… No, thanks!” *walks quickly to the front register*

Coworker: *to me* “What about my hug and kiss?”

Me: *smirks* “What about that marriage proposal?”

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