The best of our most recent stories!

The Magical Back Room

, , , , | Right | July 13, 2021

A woman and her apparent partner walk over and completely intrude on a safe social distance, which immediately throws me off. The woman is chewing gum loudly with her mouth open, with a general sneer fixed to her face. She holds up her phone showing an image of a product.

Customer: “Excuse me! I’m looking for [product]; can you show me where it is?”

Me: “Sure, it’s just over there.” *Takes her to the location*

Customer: “No, I already saw that it’s not there. Are there any more in stock?”

I know for a fact that the product she’s looking for is out of stock, then, because I’d personally seen its absence in the stockroom.

Me: “No, sorry. Whatever’s on the shelf is what we have.”

Customer: *Glaring* “Can you get someone else to help us, then?!”

I page my coworker and asked her for a “second opinion,” all while this lady pointedly glares at me. My coworker comes over and clearly shows the customer her process as she looks it up. 

Coworker: “Sorry, we’re all out of stock.”

Customer: *Staring daggers* “Oh, fine.” *Walks off*

What was my coworker meant to do, pull a spare out of her ear?

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13 Timely Stories About The Most Impatient Customers Ever!

| Right | August 2, 2021

Dear readers,

No one wants to be stuck in the store forever (this applies to both customers and employees!) so it’s understandable to want to get through the whole process as quickly as possible. There are some customers, however, who are so impatient that they seem to want everything sorted and processed before they’ve even stepped into the place! Talk about unrealistic!

We’ve rounded up thirteen stories about the most impatient customers ever, where even a second of delay deserves their outrage!

 

I’ll Have The Bacteria, Lettuce And Tomato – Time moves at a different rate on each side of the counter. It’s like the retail version of Interstellar.

Having A Hussie Fit – Simple Karma is the best kind.

If You Can’t Beat Them, Annoy Them – She folded like a newspaper in a rainstorm.

(more…)

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What Part Of “LOL. NO.” Did You Not Understand?

, , , , | Right | July 10, 2021

I’m selling a computer on a buy/sell app. I get an automated message containing the buyer’s offer.

Buyer: “I would like to buy your 12 Core Mac Pro, 48GB RAM for $125.00.”

Me: “LOL. NO.”

The buyer sends a shrugging emoji.

Buyer: “It’s outdated. If you change your mind, let me know.”

Me: “Maybe for a 1,1/2,1. Not a 4,1/5,1.”

Buyer: “How much would you really take?”

Me: “$500. Go find another dual CPU model for less.”

Buyer: “Stop it. Give me a realistic number that you would actually take.”

Me: “$500, dude. There isn’t another dual CPU 4,1/5,1 for less than $800 on the market. It’s priced low to move quickly.”

Buyer: “I’m trying to work with you here. I’ll do $300.”

Me: “Lol, no, you’re not. Do some research. Let me know when your budget increases.”

Buyer: “Yes, I am. We’re at a $200 difference. You can work with it.”

Me: “I take a $200 loss because some dude on [App] can’t increase his budget? I’ll make you a deal. You find another dual CPU 4,1/5,1 for $300 and I’ll consider it.”

Buyer: “It’s not a loss. You’re already selling it for less than market. I need you to decrease your budget. I have cash ready. Life is all about negotiations. It’s not a defeat on your side if you accept less than what you posted for.”

Me: “Yup, $500 is less than market, but it’s as low as I’m willing to go. I could ask even more for it, but I want it gone sooner. If you think you’re the only interested party, you’re mistaken, buddy. Go find $200 more and we will talk.”

Buyer: “[My Name], stop it. I’m trying to work with you here. Nobody ever said I’m the only interested party. They obviously offered you less than your $500 price; otherwise, it would be gone, right? Think about it, man. It’s not that bad. You get cash and you move on.”

Me: “Clearly, you need what I have since there aren’t many around, and there are zero priced anywhere near mine. I don’t have to accept less just because YOU think it’s worth less.”

Buyer: “I’ve asked twice for a number that you would actually take, other than the inflated $500 price.”

Me: “I actually have someone meeting me tomorrow around lunch to pick it up, and another when I get off work if they pass on it. You want it today? $500. Inflated? Dude, f*** off. It’s worth what it’s worth. Sorry your tiny budget can’t afford it. Go buy someone else’s.”

Buyer: “[My Name], you’re having a meltdown. There’s no need to get mad about it. I offered a price and you’re flipping out about it. Get a grip.”

Me: “LOL, I’m fine. More amused that you keep going on about it.”

Buyer: “Let’s do some business. Dude, nobody tells someone to f*** off if they are a normal person. At this point, I’m here offering you advice, which is worth way more than $500. You should be paying me. Dude, all I did was offer a price and you flipped out over it. I’m not even angry. I’m still trying to do business and get a realistic number. You basically melted down into a puddle of mush. Get a grip, regroup, and let’s figure this out. How about we meet in the middle? You’re at $500; I’m at $300. $400, we shake hands and call it a deal.”

Me: “I’m not haggling with you. You want it, $500. Take it or leave it.”

Buyer: “You’re only not willing to haggle because you’re going to take it as a personal defeat. Sad stuff, man.”

Me: “LOL. I’m not willing to haggle because it’s already well under market value and I’ve got two other people who want it. I’m in no rush, I ain’t desperate for money, but it’s worth what it’s worth.”

Buyer: “$400 and it’s a deal. Tonight.”

Me: “No deal. Good luck hunting!”

Buyer: “Ah, personal defeat. It’s not like that, [My Name].”

Me: “No. We are done here. Good luck.”

Buyer: “I hope you get help, man, honestly. Never seen someone flip out this hard.”

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Certifiably, Positively Unintelligent

, , , , , | Right | June 29, 2021

I work at a computer store at the returns desk. It often functions as a customer service desk, but technically there is no customer service desk as the members of staff are expected to be able to help with every aspect of their respective department; everyone’s customer service. I HATE working the returns desk, but I am allowed to be very flexible with our return policy within reason.

An hour before my shift ends, a teenager comes up to my desk hoping to return some computer parts, including RAM, a motherboard, and a CPU. He doesn’t have the receipts; however, receipts are not required as long as I can find the transactions in my Point Of Sales system. Thankfully, he has an account, and I am able to find the RAM and motherboard. I am able to give him a refund on the RAM with no issue. However, the motherboard is about fifty days old. Our return policy is thirty days, but I am feeling nice. He’s a kid, after all, and I remember how confusing I found the world when I was his age.

Me: “I can’t give you your money back, but you can exchange the motherboard for a new one or get a gift card.”

Teen: “Well, I can’t have a gift card. My dad will get mad.”

Me: “Okay, but I can’t give your money back. You are well over the return period, so it’s either a gift card or an exchange.”

Teen: “I guess I’ll get a new motherboard, then.”

Me: “Which one do you want?”

Teen: “The same one, I guess.”

At this point, I realize that I have forgotten why he wanted to return it. It isn’t required anymore, as any open product returned is sent back to the distributor for inspection, anyway. Turns out his computer wasn’t working after he put it all together, so he needs new stuff.

Teen: “Yeah, I don’t know why it’s not working.”

Me: “Okay, did you want to go look around for other stuff, or did you want me to call a salesman over to grab you another motherboard?”

Teen: “Just give me a new one. Now, are you going to refund me for the CPU?”

I haven’t gotten to the CPU yet, as I am still pretty new to returns and I am doing them one at a time to make sure I don’t mess up. Of course, I have to be careful about returns, making sure the item is the correct one and all that, but I have to be EXTRA careful with CPU returns. So, I open up the package to do my checks and I instantly realize why this customer’s computer isn’t working.

For those not in the know, the CPU is a small square chip that essentially acts as a computer’s brain. It’s a super important and extremely fragile piece of equipment. Depending on the brand of CPU, there may or may not be pins on the bottom that are essential for the functionality of both the CPU and the rest of the computer. They are extremely easy to bend and break. However, it’s also extremely easy to NOT bend or break them, so there really isn’t a good reason for someone to damage a CPU. This kid’s CPU looks like he took a hammer to it.

Me: “Well, this is why your computer isn’t working.”

Teen: “What?”

Me: “The pins are smashed. Nothing in the computer can work with damage like this.”

Teen: “Oh. Well, can I return it?”

I don’t want to say anything yet because I feel bad for the kid, but we are unlikely to take it back due to the damage and because he clearly bought it over thirty days ago as I have yet to find the receipt for the CPU. It is a pretty expensive CPU, so I am hoping that management will make an exception and let him exchange it.

Me: “I’m not finding the CPU under your account. Is there another name it could be under?”

Teen: “We could try my dad’s; his name is [Dad].”

I look up his name and no account shows up.

Me: “Uh, there’s no account under your father’s name.”

Teen: “Oh, he doesn’t have an account. I’m the only one who shops here.”

I realize that I’m dealing with a teenager who is slightly stupider than your average teenager. However, I keep my composure and keep moving forward. In a last-ditch effort, I check the transactions based on the CPU’s serial number. We have to manually attach transactions to accounts, and sometimes the cashiers neglect to do that for any number of reasons.

However, when I scan the serial number, nothing pops up. That is weird.

Me: “Did you buy this at this location or a different location?”

Teen: “Different location.”

I admit I should have asked that sooner so I could’ve pulled up the remote search window from the get-go. However, when I pull it up, it shows that he has never made any purchase at any of our other locations. He has only ever shopped at my store’s location.

Me: “Which [Computer Store] location did you buy this from?”

Teen: “Oh, I didn’t buy this from [Computer Store]. I bought this from [Massive Online Retailer].”

I just look at him silently. I don’t know how I got to this point. Why did he think we would take his CPU that he bought from [Retailer]?

Me: “Why are you trying to get a refund for a product you didn’t even buy from here?”

Teen: “What do you mean?”

Me: “You didn’t give us the money for this. You gave it to [Retailer]. Therefore, we don’t have money to give back to you. That’s at [Retailer].”

Teen: “So? I want my money back.”

Me: “Your money isn’t here. Your money is at [Retailer]. If you want your money, you need go to [Retailer].”

Teen: “So, you can’t take care of it?”

Me: “No. You did not give us money for that CPU. That CPU has no monetary value here that I can give back to you.”

Teen: “Can I exchange it?”

Me: “I’m afraid not. We don’t do trade-ins.”

Teen: “No, I want to exchange it.”

Internally, I’m banging my head against a wall. How could a teenager not understand the concept that a return can only go back to where he originally bought it from?

Me: “In order to do an exchange, you would’ve needed to buy this product here or at one of our other locations, but you didn’t. You bought it at [Retailer]. There is nothing more I can do for you. You need to send this back to [Retailer].”

Teen: “So you’re not going to help me?”

Me: “No.”

He leaves, and I am relieved that he eventually understood. Or so I thought, because not even a minute later, he comes back with my manager.

Teen: “He wouldn’t let me return this and was mean to me! I want a refund!”

Manager: “I’m sorry about that, sir. Do you have your receipt?”

Teen: “No, but I bought last month from [Retailer].”

Manager: “Why would I give you money for something that you didn’t even buy from us?”

Teen: “Are you saying you won’t give me a refund?”

Manager: “There is no refund to give, and there’s nothing I can do for you.”

The teen then storms off to a salesman.

Teen: “They were mean to me, called me names, and won’t give me a refund for my item!”

Salesman: “That’s not my department. It’s their decision when it comes to refunds.”

The teen then storms off and tries this routine over and over again, each time getting more and more upset over the next twenty minutes, until he is quite literally ugly crying to the store’s general manager about how horrible everyone was to him and how we won’t give him a refund for his CPU. The general manager then asks him to wait and comes to me.

General Manager: “Why won’t you give him a refund for his CPU? At this point, I don’t really care how old it is.”

Me: “He didn’t buy from here. He bought from [Retailer]. Ask him.”

The general manager did just that. Eventually, the teen left, tears in his eyes and without a refund. He later left me a survey review saying that I made fun of him, threw his items on the floor, and refused to give him a refund. We have cameras. My general manager had that review dismissed.

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They Read You Loud And Clear

, , , , | Legal | June 24, 2021

I’ve been getting an absurd number of spam calls from “Amazon” claiming I need to reconfirm my payment settings. It’s bad; I’m getting over five calls a day. Though I block the number each time, the number spoofing is good and I keep getting more and more calls from different places each time. Eventually, I get sick of it.

Me: *To my wife* “Ugh, another spam call. Brace yourself; I’m going to be loud.”

Wife: “Are you going to yell at them? That doesn’t work.”

Me: “No. I’m putting my theater and choir kid training to good use.”

I answer the call. The scammer does their spiel.

Scammer: “To speak with our cybersecurity department, press two.”

I press two and inhale deeply.

Scammer: “Thank you for calling Amazon—”

I screamed for a solid ten seconds. The scammer hung up. It seems to have worked; I haven’t gotten a call in weeks.

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