Ballooning Out Of Control

| Greenwich, CT, USA | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids

(I am doing some community service the other day, handing out balloons at an adopt-a-dog fair. I have been working for a few hours when a family of three approaches.)

Me: “Hello, would you like a balloon?”

Woman: *snatches her baby away* “How dare you offer a balloon to a child? Do you realize how dangerous those are? Are you trying to kill my baby? Call your manager right this instant!”

Me: *taken aback* “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I don’t actually work here. I’m doing community service.”

Woman: *huffs* “Don’t lie to me, missy! Do you think I’m stupid? You’re just lying to get out of trouble! Now, call your manager. Now!”

Me: *starting to get really fed up* “I don’t work here! I’m just here to I hand out balloons, and clearly you don’t want one, so I would suggest moving on to some of our other attractions.”

Woman: “Why, of all the disrespectful—”

(She has started to get pretty loud, so one of the managers running the fair wanders over to see what’s going on.)

Manager: “Is there a problem?”

Woman: “Finally! This young lady tried to give my child a balloon! Those can strangle kids! I demand to have her fired immediately!”

Manager: *bewildered* “Sorry, what?”

Woman: “She tried to murder my child! I can press charges!”

Manager: “Right… Well, why don’t you go off and do that now…”

(The woman’s storms off, taking her child with her. Her husband, who has been silent throughout the entire conversation, stays behind.)

Husband: “Well, I don’t know about her, but I’d like a balloon…”

Plenty Of (Full) Room To Hone Your Skills

| USA | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging, Politics

(I enter the lobby of a hotel I’m staying at to find the receptionist face to face with a very red-faced woman.)

Woman: “Look, stop with the bull about being full! I KNOW you always have a few rooms that you keep open for emergencies!”

Receptionist: “Ma’am, while I am sincerely sorry, we are located at the hub of a major metropolitan area that draws over three million tourists per year. Typically we get reservations non-stop from Memorial Day to Labor Day. If we were to examine this from a logical and an economic perspective, wouldn’t it make more sense to give every room we have to those who wish to reserve them, rather than keep one or two open and thus deny ourselves the profit from them?”

(The lady gawks and sputters, turning redder by the second.)

Woman: “Well… what if President Obama came in and asked for a room, huh? What if one of his family came in? Would you turn them away?”

Receptionist: “Yes, we would.”

Woman: “Exactly! So why can’t you… wait… what?”

Receptionist: “With all due respect, Ma’am, the President would have the sense to plan ahead so neither he nor his family would need to ask for a room. What’s more he doesn’t stay at this hotel when he comes to the area; he stays at [other hotel].”

Woman: “But…”

Receptionist: “FURTHERMORE, I don’t think the President would want the bad publicity from asking us to throw someone out of their room so he could take it. Therefore, why should we do that for you?”

(The woman sputters some more, then finally just screams, loud enough that I have to cover my ears, and runs out the door to her car.)

Receptionist: “I apologize that you had to be witness to that, sir.”

Me: “I… uh… no, I think the apologies should go to you, as well as the congratulations for the way you handled that. Never seen someone get driven away by the force of logic.”

Receptionist: “Yeah, well, don’t be too impressed. I’m only able to do that because I’ve had plenty of customers just like her to hone my skills on.”

Not A Regular Response

| TX, USA | Health & Body, Movies & TV

(I’m at the ticket booth ordering my ticket for the movie. I happen to be 57 years old.)

Me: “One for [Movie], please.”

Ticketer: “Senior or regular?”

Me: “Uh, ummm… uh… regular.”

Ticketer: “Seven dollars, please.”

Me: “You know, when you ask a senior if he’s regular that has a different meaning. I may be a senior but I’m regular.”

Ticketer: *smiles*