Has Beef With And In The Grill

, | Beavercreek, OH, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(A customer walks up to the register with a [Famous-Name Brand] grill.)

Me: “Is this a return?”

Customer: “Yes, I bought this two days ago and it does not work.”

Me: “I’m sorry; do you want a replacement?”

Customer: “No, I would never buy that product again.”

(I process the return, apologize to the customer, and he walks away. I go through the grill to process the defective merchandise ticket when I notice a funky odor. I open it up, and there is a steak on the grill. My coworker peers over my shoulder.)

Coworker: “Free food!”

Doesn’t Have The Gift(card) Of Foresight

| Miami, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Books & Reading, Money

(I have previously worked for a large bookstore chain that went out of business. I now work at their competitor.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Current Bookstore] in South Miami. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, do you guys accept [Previous Bookstore]’s gift cards?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t. They were a different company, so they’re not valid here.”

Caller: “But when I go to their website it redirects me to yours!”

Me: “Yes. When the company closed, [Current Bookstore] bought their domain, and I believe their mailing lists, but they were never actually affiliated with them.”

Caller: “So you don’t accept their gift cards?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but no. They were a different company. ”

Caller: “So what am I supposed to do with this gift card?”

Me: “I’m afraid there’s nothing you can do. The company went out of business. It’s closed. The cards are worthless now.”

Caller: “But someone paid good money for these cards!”

Me: “I understand that. But I worked for [Previous Bookstore] when they went under. When they announced their bankruptcy, they also made it very clear that as they liquidated they would only accept gift cards through a certain date. There were signs all over the stores. You had two months to come and use the card. After that, even the stores stopped accepting them. [Previous Bookstore] didn’t exist. They were owned by a liquidation company at that point.”

Caller: “But someone paid for this. And you’re telling me that money is gone?! That’s unacceptable! I want my money!!”

Me: “Ma’am, with all due respect, the store closed three years ago. How important could the value of that card be to you if you’ve waited three years?”

(Click.)

Nuts About Clams

| Victoria, BC, Canada | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(An older gentlemen approaches me while I am stocking frozen meats.)

Customer: “Where are the clams that are in the flyer?”

Me: *slightly puzzled* “We haven’t had clams in this store in a long time, if ever.”

Customer: “Well, I saw them in the flyer.”

Me: “Do you have this flyer on you?”

(I ask because half the time the customer produces a flyer from a completely different store.)

Customer: “No, I don’t think so.”

Me: “One sec, I’ll fetch the current one…”

(A few moments later.)

Me: “They aren’t in here, sir.”

Customer: “Ah, there. That’s them!”

(He points to a picture of pistachios. In all fairness, in this photograph, they do look a bit like small clams. Between the resolution of the image and perhaps the old man’s eyesight, it’s an understandable mistake.)

Me: “Sir, those are pistachios.”

Customer: “Oh…”

Me: “…yeah.”

Customer: “Well, do they taste like clams?”

Leaving Your Luggage Baggage Behind

| Kansas City, MO, USA | Bad Behavior, Tourists/Travel

(I work at one location of the world’s largest retail chain. My department carries luggage, furniture, lamps, and photo frames. Although known for a lower-class clientele, my particular store was in an affluent suburb. A woman comes in and approaches for help with duffel bags.)

Me: “I’ll be happy to help you with that. They are right over here with our luggage. Are you looking for any specific features?”

Customer: “It’s going to be an airline carry on, so it can’t be too big, and I’ll need to carry it around a lot, so it has to ride well on my shoulder.”

(I point out the bags that fit the carry on restrictions. There are six. She proceeds to take the paper and inflatable stuffing out of all six and walk up and down the aisle with each. Then she picks one.)

Customer: “I’m going to take this one. Thank you.”

(She looks down at the pile of trash she left littered up and down the aisle.)

Customer: “Looks like you won’t be bored for a while.” *she leaves*

July Theme Of The Month: Animal Madness

Not Always Right | Announcements, Pets & Animals
Introducing July’s Theme Of The Month: Animal Madness!

Entering is easy:

  1. Submit a funny or interesting story about this month’s theme: Animal Madness. Share a story about customers who have no business taking care of animals!
  2. At the end of the month, we’ll feature our favorite Theme Of The Month stories in a roundup!
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