To Be, Or Not To Jollibee

, | Quezon City, Philippines | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Top

(I’m in line at a very well-known chicken fast food place. It’s lunch hour, so the place is fairly packed.)

Cashier: “Hi, what can I get you today?”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t know. Do I want a one-piece or two-piece meal?”

Cashier: “Well, people usually order the two-piece at this time, since it’s supposed to hold them for a few more hours.”

Customer: “Okay, a two-piece meal then.”

Cashier: “Would you like that ‘Original Recipe’ or ‘Hot and Crispy?'”

Customer: “I don’t know. What’s the difference?”

Cashier: “Um, the ‘Original Recipe’ tends to have softer skin and a tangy flavor, while the ‘Hot and Crispy’ is spicy and crunchy.”

Customer: “Oh, I’m not sure which one of those I want. The ‘Hot and Crispy’ might be too spicy for me.”

Cashier: “Don’t worry, our ‘Hot and Crispy’ isn’t really that spicy. It’s just enough for a kick in the taste buds, no more.”

Customer: “Maybe, but I might want extra mashed potatoes with it.”

Cashier: “If you order the full meal, you get a large side dish with your food.”

Customer: “What if a large is too big? I don’t want to eat all that much.”

Cashier: “Well, ma’am, the containers are behind me, so you can decide for yourself if large is too big.”

Customer: “Hmm… wait, what if I don’t want chicken for lunch?”

Customer Somewhere In The Back: “WELL YOU’RE IN THE WRONG F****** RESTAURANT, AREN’T YOU?! STOP HOLDING UP THE LINE!”

Yaoi Got To Be Kidding

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Bigotry, Books & Reading, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month

(I work at a comic shop that has a high number of female employees, with most of my coworkers having a specialty in knowledge; i.e. comics, figurines, card games, etc. A pair of very obnoxious customers walks in, and heads straight to me at the back of the shop.)

Customer #1: “Hey, I need to know if you have a [specific arc] of X-force?”

Coworker #1: “Do you mean [arc] of the third series, or that old one done by Loeb?”

Customer #2: “Hey b****! Butt out! I’m asking the only real nerd on your staff a question.”

Me: “I’m not sure, however [coworker #1] organizes our older comic collection and probably knows if we have it or not.”

Customer #1: “Quit trying to give the b**** fake nerd cred, yo. Everyone knows the only girls who work here are a bunch of Yaoi-fangirls.”

(Customer #1 points towards our manga and anime section. Coworker #2 walks over due to all the commotion.)

Coworker #2: “You do realize that [my name] is the only one of us who reads manga? H***, it’s why we hired him in the first place.”

(Both customers look pretty embarrassed, and quietly ask Coworker #1 if we have the comic arc in question. They won’t even look at any of us as they pay for their purchase. After they leave, Coworker #1 comes up to me.)

Coworker #1: “So, apparently you’re a Yaoi-fangirl?”

Anatomy Of An Idiot

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | Books & Reading, Health & Body, Math & Science, Movies & TV

(A customer comes to the register and puts a leather bound copy of ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ on the counter.)

Customer: “Yes, I would like to return this book; it wasn’t what I expected.”

Me: “Okay, I can do that for you.”

Customer: “It was terrible; it’s not at all like the television show.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “It’s my favorite show, and I was really excited to read this, but I don’t know what they were thinking with this book.”

(I am dumbfounded, but I finish the transaction and send the customer on her way. The next customer in line approaches.)

Next Customer: “How is it you manage to get through a full day of that sort of bull-s*** and not punch yourself in the face?”

Me: “No idea, sir.”

Too Much Gravy For The Brain, Part 2

| Scotland, UK | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Customer: “Could I get the whisky gravy without whisky please?”

Me: “Of course, I’ll ask the chef to make your dish with plain gravy.”

Customer: “No! I don’t want plain gravy! I want the whisky gravy without the whisky!”

Me: “Sir, the whisky gravy without whisky is just plain gravy.”

(This goes on for a minute or two. The customer’s wife turns and whispers to me.)

Customer’s Wife: “Just bring him plain gravy; it’ll take him a while to figure it out.”

Related:
Too Much Gravy For The Brain

No Produce Reduce

| TX, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Money

(The customer in question is our grocery store’s former produce manager. She was encouraged to ‘retire’, because she was caught raising the prices of the produce so her sales would be better. She has a return and a few items, so I do her return and scan her items to balance out the difference in which she only owes me one cent.)

Me: “Okay, your total is one cent.”

Customer: “That’s not right. The onions are ringing up wrong.”

(I look at my screen, and the onions she bought were ringing up 68 cents a pound.)

Me: “They’re only 68 cents.”

Customer: “They are supposed to be 99 cents a pound! That’s what the sign says.”

Me: “Those are for large onions. You bought medium ones.”

Customer: “Well… I guess I’ll take them for that price, but your new produce manager needs to learn how to price things right.”

(She storms out in a huff, and my manager walks over.)

Manager: “Did she just… want to pay the higher price?”

Me: “Yes… and while you’re here, I’m reaching into my pocket to get the penny that she forgot to pay me for her stuff.”