How To Rack Up Brownie Points

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Awesome Customers

(I work at a member-card type box store. Each day a half-dozen staff spend most of their time just walking around and putting away the products customers decided they didn’t want and left randomly in corners, like bloody meat on a stack of white shirts.)

Customer: “I’m trying to decide which of these adorable dresses to buy for my granddaughter. What do you think?”

Me: *gives honest opinion*

Customer: “I agree! Do you mind if I leave my cart here for a minute while I go return this other dress to the rack where I found it?”

Me: “Uh… you mean you’re going to put something back? Would it be inappropriate of me to say that I love you?”

Trying To Cash In On Credit

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

(I’m on the register and call the next customer in line up to my till.)

Me: “Hello. Did you find everything all right today?”

Customer: “I just need to return these sweatpants.”

Me: “Oh, sure. Was there anything wrong with them?”

Customer: “They’re ugly.”

Me: *proceeding with the transaction* “I’m sorry you feel that way. May I see your receipt?”

(The customer tosses the receipt at me, along with her ID. I continue processing the transaction without incident until…)

Me: “Okay, you’re going to get back $49.97 for these sweatpants. Looking at your receipt, I see you paid with your [store credit card], so I’ll just go ahead and put the balance back on your card.”

Customer: “No, I paid with cash.”

Me: *looking at the receipt again* “No, ma’am. It very clearly says here at the bottom that you paid with your [store credit card].” *shows receipt to customer* “See?”

Customer: “Yes, but then I paid cash.”

Me: *a light bulb goes off in my head* “Oh! Did you put the purchase on your [store credit card] and then pay off the purchase with cash in the store?”

Customer: “Yes. I paid cash.”

Me: “Okay. Well, unfortunately, the original purchase was made on your card, so I can only refund this to you on your card or store credit.”

Customer: “No. I paid cash, and I want cash back.”

(The circular argument goes on for several minutes, with the customer becoming more and more irate. Finally, I call a manager over to explain.)

Manager: “Ma’am, what my associate is telling you is correct. You made this purchase on a credit card, and so we can only refund it to you on that card. Our computers won’t let us do it any other way.”

Customer: “FINE!” *throws credit card at me* “I hope you’re both happy to have stolen money from me!”

Three-dom Isn’t Free

| TX, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Math & Science

(I’m a cashier at the local supercenter and I’m working the afternoon shift. We have impulse candy racks at the end of each register that come in both normal and king-sized packages. Under the price tags is a strip that reads “all king-sized candy bars three for $3.” A customer approaches my register.)

Customer: “The candy is three for $3 dollars, yes?”

Me: “Yes, sir. The king-sized candy bars are all three for $3.”

(The customer grabs a few of the candy bars from the candy rack and sets them down on the conveyor belt with the rest of his items. I check them all out like normal and I notice that he had purchased two candy bars for $0.68 and one king-sized candy bar for $1. The customer gives me a strange, irritated look as I hit the total button on my keyboard.)

Customer: “The candy was three for $3. You said it was three for $3.”

Me: “Yes, sir, the king-sized candy bars are all 3 for $3. You bought two candy bars that cost $0.68 and one king-sized candy bar for $1.00.”

Customer: “But your sign says three for $3! Why is it not $3 for these candy bars!?”

Me: “Because, sir, the candy bars that you purchased amount to less than $3.00.”

(The customer went silent for a moment, though his irritated expression never left his face. He paid for his merchandise without another word and left. I stood there for a few moments trying to figure out what kind of math he was using.)

Turning Them Red With Purple

| VIC, Australia | Bad Behavior, Health & Body

(I’m in the shopping centre queuing up to buy something. My hair is dyed bright purple for ‘World’s Greatest Shave.’ There are two customers in line behind me.)

Customer #1: “Teenagers these days. Dying their hair so they can ‘stand out.’ Well, they just look ridiculous.”

Customer #2: “I know! How on earth do their parents let them do this?”

(I turn around.)

Me: “Excuse me, but I have dyed my hair for the ‘World’s Greatest Shave’ because my younger brother has leukemia. My whole family either have shaved their heads or dyed their hair for support. I have not dyed my hair to ‘stand out.’ I have dyed it so I can contribute in helping those in need.”

(The two customers turned red and hurried out of the queue into another line.)   

High On The Milk Of Human Kindness

| ME, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

(I work at a small independent grocery store. I’m helping an older woman check out. The transaction goes smoothly until she gets a look of sudden realization.)

Customer: “Oh! What do I do about unpaid milk quarts?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am?”

Customer: “I was here the other day and I had two milk quarts but I didn’t get them.”

Me: “You didn’t get them? Would you like to get them now? Or did you mean you accidentally left them behind?”

Customer: “Oh, no, no. I… oh. dear. I didn’t see them in my cart and I’d forgotten I grabbed them, so I left without paying for them. I didn’t even think about it until I got home and checked my receipt.”

Me: “Oh! Oh, I understand. Well, I could go grab a quart and ring it in with this order?”

Customer: “Okay!”

(I ask her what brand and kind of milk she got, then go fetch it and add two to her order.)

Customer: “I’m sorry about that. I didn’t mean to not pay for them.”

Me: “Oh gosh. No, don’t be sorry! Thank you for your honesty. Most people would have just been like ‘sweet, free milk’ when they realized what had happened.”

Customer: “Well, I just couldn’t live with doing that! Your selection might not be as big as [Chain Competitor]’s, but I’ve been shopping here since the current owner’s father was running the place. Everyone is always so helpful. I just couldn’t do something so unethical and mean!”

(It’s not a glamorous job, but customers like her make me glad I’m working for a business like that!)

Low On The Milk Of Human Kindness

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