Trying To Pull A Shady Deal

| USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

(I work at company that sells stone to go on houses. All of the stone is outside, and our location is surrounded by trees.)

Customer: “All of this is the same rock?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Everything in this row is the same material.”

Customer: “Why is this side so much darker?! You said it was the same!”

Me: “…ma’am, that side is in the shade.”

Not-So-Smartphone, Part 12

| Boise, ID, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

(The phone rings and the pre-recorded “Hi, this is [My Name]. Thanks for calling,. What can I do for you?’ goes off.)

Caller: “I WANT A FREE [Extremely Popular 4G Smartphone] IN EXCHANGE FOR MY [Not So Popular Slide-Out Phone] BECAUSE IT’S A PIECE OF CRAP AND IT’S FROZEN AND IT WON’T TURN OFF!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, I can certainly see how that would be frustrating! Let’s see if we can get it fixed for you today.”

Caller: “I doubt you can fix it! This phone is stupid! I want a [4G Smartphone] instead!”

Me: “Well, if I could do that for you I certainly would, but our system actually won’t let us process exchanges like that in the first place. And definitely not before troubleshooting! So, let’s go ahead and get it fixed up for you instead. Would you take the battery out for me, please?”

Caller: “NO. Didn’t you understand me?! I SAID, it’s FROZEN!”

Me: “I did understand, but you don’t have to turn the phone off first to remove the battery.”

Caller: “…oh. IF THIS DOESN’T WORK I WANT A F****** [4G Smartphone]!”

Me: “I’m sure this will help your phone, ma’am, but like I said, even if I wanted to, I couldn’t physically process the [4G Smartphone] for you. Our system will not allow it.”

(The phone reboots, and everything is just fine and her phone works.)

Me: “Okay! I’m so glad your phone is working great for you now. Can I help you with anything else?”

Caller: “Hmph… NO. AND THE NEXT TIME THIS PHONE BREAKS, I’M JUST GOING TO SMASH IT!”

Me: *laughing* “Well, you certainly—”

Caller: *click*

(She totally hung up on me, but I was going to tell her she could definitely smash the phone if she wanted, and we still couldn’t replace it with a 4G model! I had to get off the phones to laugh for a minute after that.)

Related:
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 11
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 10
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 9

Should Have Maintained Radio Silence

| USA | Awesome Workers, Criminal & Illegal, Technology

(I work in a stereo shop in a not-so-savory neighborhood. We see stolen radios A LOT. It’s really obvious when one is stolen. We also log EVERY serial number sold, just in case.)

Customer: “I just bought this from my friend. I need it installed.”

Me: “Okay, what kind of car is it going into?”

Client: *gives car info: an older Nissan pickup*

Me: “Well, this is from a Toyota, so we can’t reuse the parts still on it. We’re going to need new install parts. It also looks like the main radio harness is missing, as is the faceplate.”

(Faceplates are removable as a security feature. They basically cost as much as the radio does, just to prevent theft. Harnesses are almost always left behind when stolen because they unclip and thieves think ‘how much could it be?’)

Me: “Check with your ‘friend’ if he has them. Otherwise it’s $150, plus $65 for the install and install parts.”

Customer: “$150!? Are you f***** kidding me!?”

Me: “No, sir. $40 for the harness, $110 for the faceplate. I can have them here in three-to-five days; it’s a special order.”

Customer: “Well, how much is this radio?”

Me: “They’re on sale right now for $129.99. Install is the same price; I still need the same parts.”

Customer: “That’s f****** crazy! I just paid $50 for this. You’re telling me the parts cost more than a new one!?”

Me: “Well, that would be a great deal if you bought a radio with all the parts. For half a radio, it sounds like you got scammed by your friend. The parts cost so much as a deterrence to theft.”

Customer: *just stares; I struck a chord with those words*

Me: “So would you like me to order the parts? Or would you like to just get the same one installed, brand new, with a warranty, for less?”

Customer: “I’ll take the new one.”

(The customer hands me his keys and gives all his info: name/address/phone number.)

Me: “Great, I’ll give you a call as soon as it’s done.”

(He left. I ran the serial; it was sold by us. I called the client. He confirmed his car was robbed, even faxed a police report. We called the police and informed them we recovered stolen property. Moral of the story is, we called him down, he paid for the work, walked out, sat in his car (with the stolen radio still in it) and was arrested in our parking lot. Caught a thief, and sold him a radio at full price, with install. Customer who got robbed gave me a $100 tip. Not a bad day.)

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Trying To Encourage Independent Thought

| Paradise Island, The Bahamas | Holidays, Tourists/Travel

(I’m decorating our storefront for Independence Day, which is July 10th. In 1973 we gained independence from Britain, though we are still part of the British Commonwealth. The glass doors are decorated with American colours for July 4th and the whole front of the store is decorated with Bahamian colours for July 10th. An American tourist walks up with her husband.)

Tourist: “Miss! You’ve got the date wrong, and why are you using those colours?”

Me: “Oh, yes, ma’am. Bahamian Independence Day is the 10th. These are the colours of the Bahamian flag. I’ve decorated the front door with red, white, and blue for Americans like yourself!”

Tourist: *looks puzzled for a moment* “But Independence Day is on the 4th…”

Me: “Yes ma’am, in the US it is, but here it’s the 10th.”

Tourist: “But it’s July…”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. A strange coincidence that they are both in July, isn’t it?”

Tourist: *finally looking resolved* “No! This isn’t right; you should have the right date and colours like every other state, even if you’re on an island!”

Me: “But we aren’t a state… We aren’t even part of your countr—”

Tourist: “State, member, province, whatever, that is no excuse to act un-American! Darn islanders…” *she walks off as her husband glares at me over his shoulder*

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The Mother Of All Nice Gestures

| Fort Collins, CO, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Family & Kids

(I am just about to clock out from work when a teenage girl walks in to return a shirt that was paid for with credit card. My coworker handles the transaction.)

Coworker: “So, you’ll be getting $13.94 back for this. Do you have a credit card to put that on to?”

Girl: “No.”

Coworker: “Well, I can give you a voucher to the store instead.”

Girl: “Okay, that works.”

(My coworker finishes the transaction, and gives her the voucher. The girl’s mother then comes in and becomes furious when her daughter gives her the voucher instead of cash. So she stomps over to my coworker.)

Woman: “Excuse me, but I wanted cash back for this, not a voucher.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry; you only get back your return how it was originally paid for.”

Woman: “Fine, I’ll put it back on to my card.”

(Unfortunately my store cannot put money from a voucher back onto a credit card. It’s final once it becomes a voucher. My coworker explains this, the woman gets mad and demands to speak to a manager. My manager comes over.)

Woman: “You have to put this back onto my card. I need to get gas for my car.”

Manager: “I’m sorry, but once it’s been put onto a voucher there’s nothing we can do.”

Woman: “You have to.”

Manager: “I can’t.”

Woman: “You HAVE to!”

Manager: “I can’t!”

(This unpleasantness goes on for awhile, until my manager has had enough.)

Manager: “I don’t have to do anything. Especially something that’s impossible.”

(The woman finally gets it through her head and leaves with her daughter. Then after a couple minutes her daughter comes back in, tears streaming down her face, and goes back over to my coworker and manager.)

Girl: “Is there anything you can do?”

Manager: “I wish I could but it’s impossible.”

(The girl looks to be on the verge of tears again.)

Girl: “Please…”

(I’m finally clocked out now, and after watching this whole situation and feeling terrible for the girl, I walk over.)

Me: “How much is on the voucher?”

Coworker: “Uh…$13.94.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I pull out my wallet and get $14.)

Me: “I’ll give you this for the voucher.”

Girl: “…really?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Girl: “Thank you. So much.”

Me: “Of course.”

(The girl takes the money and leaves. My coworker hands me the voucher.)

Coworker: “Thank you, [My Name.]”

Me: “Yeah, no problem.”

Manager: “That was amazing, [My Name]. Thank you, I appreciate it.”

Me: “Just to be clear: I did it to help out the poor girl, not her f****** mother.”

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