Thru Drive Me Crazy

| Orange County, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Top

(I am a customer in line in a drive thru. I only have about five minutes as I am already late to class. I listen to the exchange between the person ahead of me and the cashier.)

Customer: “Okay, I want a #4, with extra cheese. Last time there wasn’t enough cheese on there. I want a #9 with cabbage instead of lettuce. I want a #2 with no tomatoes. I want a #1 with no cheese. I want 5 orders of fries, and a cookie.”

(I am thinking to myself how this could possibly take any longer. The customer finally finishes, and I order and pull up to pay.)

Customer: “So you made sure you took all of my requests right? You people are so stupid sometimes! You really just need to listen to what the customer wants.”

(At this point, I’m feeling bad for the poor young soul behind the cash register. She looks like she is about 18 years old, and about to cry. Also, I’m getting mad because I’m getting held up. I lean my head out of the window.)

Me: “You know what? Maybe you should realize that this is a fast food place. Not only that, you are in the drive thru. Customizations require extra work, and sometimes people mess up. Also, this girl didn’t do anything to mess up your order yet, so why are you getting mad at her?”

Customer: *to the cashier* “I… I… I’m sorry…”

(The customer takes the food and speeds off. I proceed up to the window. The cashier and about five other associates who have heard the exchange all come over to the window.)

Cashier: “Thank you so much for sticking up for me. This was my second day on the job, and I only took it because my dad is ill, and can’t support my family.”

Me: “It’s okay; some people can just be so mean!”

Manager: “As a special thank you, we’d like to give you your meal for free.”

Me: “Thanks anyway, but I’d rather you give the money to this young lady here. Keep smiling sweetie, and remember that for every jerk in the world, there is always a compassionate stranger.”

Does Not Pass With Flying Colors

| Augusta, GA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(Working with a brand of wireless router and walking a customer through power cycling it, I am waiting to see if the status light comes on either green or red to determine its status.)

Me: “All right, ma’am, could you please tell me what color the status light is?”

Customer: “Orange.”

Me: “Orange?”

Customer: “Or blue. I can’t tell; I’m not computer literate!”

Saving Souls And Money

| Buena Park, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month, Top

( One late night, a customer comes up dressed in very stereotypical goth attire and makeup.)

Me: “Okay, sir! Your total comes to [total].”

Customer: “Look me in the eyes.”

Me: “Um… okay?”

(I look the customer directly in the eyes. He starts speaking in a steady voice.)

Customer: “You will give me a discount.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I can’t just give you a discount.”

Customer: “Yes, you will. I am a vampire lord, and you are under my mental control.”

Me: *in the same type of steady voice* “You are a vampire lord, and I am under your mental control.”

Customer: “Very good. Now give me a discount or I will consume your soul.”

Me: “But master, as you can clearly see, I am a ginger, and it is common knowledge that gingers have no souls.”

(The customer stares into my eyes silently for a few seconds, and then breaks eye contact.)

Customer: “D***, you’re right. It was worth a try.”

(The customer pays and leaves.)

Supervisor: “Um…”

Me: “Yeah?”

Supervisor: “You’re blond.”

Me: “Really? THAT’S what you picked up on?”

Playstation Four-Ever

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Crazy Requests, Technology, Wild & Unruly

(It is late 2012, and rumors are flying about exactly what the new Playstation and Xbox would be like. A customer walks up to the counter. He looks about 20-25, with his cap on backwards and his pants low with a singlet.)

Me: “Hi, what can I do for you today mate?”

Customer: “I’d like to pre-order the new Playstation.”

Me: “I’m sorry; they haven’t actually announced it yet.”

Customer: “So? I just want to make sure I get one. How much do I need to put down?”

Me: “I’m really sorry mate, but I can’t take your money. We can’t do any pre-orders until the console is at least announced by the company.”

Customer: “Really? Well do you know when it will be released?”

Me: “Nope, but all the rumors are saying not until the end of next year.”

Customer: “That’s bull-s***! I don’t want to wait that long! They should just hurry up.”

Me: “Yeah, there’s a lot of people looking forward to it. Was there anything else I could help you with?”

Customer: “Well since I can’t get the Playstation, can I put a pre-order down for the new Xbox?”

Me: “Sorry again mate, but that hasn’t been announce yet either. But I’d say it will probably be released around the same time as the Playstation.”

Customer: “F*** off! This is bull-s***! Why can’t the f****** company just release the new consoles when I want them?! Stupid a**-holes! They should be doing what I want; I’m the paying customer! They’ll never have my money again!”

(The customer wanders around the store swearing and muttering to himself before he walks out the front and starts yelling.)

Customer: “DON’T BOTHER GOING IN THERE! THERE’S NOTHING NEW, AND THERE NEVER WILL BE! THE WHOLE PLACE IS A LIE!”

Not The Greatest Heights Of Intelligence

| Seattle, WA, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

(I’m working a helpline with a woman to take her information so she can sign up for help to quit smoking. She’s clearly not the brightest berry in the bunch, and I’ve had to explain nearly every question in super-easy terms.)

Me: “What is the highest level of education you’ve had?”

Caller: “Five foot nine.”