Big Brother Is A Big Bother

| FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Politics, Technology

(Our company sells high-tech gadgets for use with RC planes and helicopters, such as GPS locators and infrared sensors.)

Customer: “Hello. I’m trying to order your GPS unit, but I don’t want to put my credit card number online.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I don’t have a way to take a credit card order over the phone. The only thing I could do is bring up the website and enter it there myself.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not putting my credit card number out on the Internet!”

Me: “Sir, I can assure you that entering your credit card information on our encrypted website is much more secure than reading it off to me over the telephone. But we also take PayPal, if you don’t want to involve your credit card at all.”

Customer: *grumbling* “Okay.” *hangs up*

Coworker: *overhearing the conversation* “Did someone have a security issue with the website?”

Me: “No, he just wants military satellites to be able to track his model airplane’s precise location… but he’s afraid of e-commerce.”

Some Customers Will Even Pull Your Hair Out For You

| TX, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Health & Body

(I am trying to fix the printer on a self-check out machine. I am a girl with long hair pulled back in tight braids and a bun. A loop of hair has snagged on a lag screw on the raised portion of the screen.)

Me: *calling coworker on the phone* “Hey, I got myself stuck in the self-check. Can you come help me?”

Coworker: “Sure.”

(A customer pulls up to her station with a large order. I can’t see her and she can’t see me, so I wait patiently, bent completely over.)

Customer: *walks up to me* “Can you check these out for me?”

(The customer hands me a bunch of bolts.)

Me: “I would be happy to, sir, just as soon as I get unstuck from this machine.”

Customer: “Have you called anyone to help you yet?”

Me: “Yes, sir. She should be here in a moment.”

(There is a very long awkward pause, while the customer just stands there looking at me.)

Customer: “Well….she’s not here yet. I guess I could help ya out.”

Me: “I would appreciate that. Thanks!”

(The customer proceeds to yank violently on my hair. A few strands come completely out of my head. Finally, the loop of hair comes off the lag screw.)

Customer: “There. Will you ring me out now?”

Didn’t See That (Second) Coming

| Detroit, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Religion

(I run an independent coffeehouse on the main drag in a small town. A regular walks in, doing her usual purposeful strut to the counter.)

Me: “Hey [Name], how’s it going?”

Customer: “Good. You know what I want?”

(I nod as I begin making her nonfat, no carb latte with extra ice.)

Customer: “You know, I like Criss Angel…”

Me: “Yeah, he’s… something all right.”

Customer: “You know…” *drifts off for a second before coming back down to earth with the rest of us* “I really think he’s the second coming…”

(I stop what I’m doing to look at her as I wait for the punchline. Turns out it’s not coming.)

Customer: “He can do everything Jesus could do.”

(I’m still waiting for the ‘HA! Funny huh?,’ but I see she’s dead serious and waiting for commiseration.)

Me: “Criss Angel is a magician.”

Customer: *nods smiling*

Me: “An illusionist. He does tricks.”

Customer: *her smile slowly fades to a look of total desolation* “Oh.”

(I finished her latte and rung her up. She didn’t say anything else and walked out looking much less sure of herself. I almost felt bad.)

Girls In Love Will Always Be A Mystery

, | Toronto, ON, Canada | Books & Reading, School

(I am at a school fund raising fair. At one table they are selling books and they have a category of ‘mystery books’ where the books are wrapped so you can’t see what you were getting until after you had paid your dollar. I am standing beside the table when I hear a voice:)

Customer: “Oh, jeeze!”

(Looking over, I saw a teenage boy holding a mystery book that he had just bought and opened. The title of the book was ‘Girls in Love.’)

Dethroning Assumptions

| NY, USA | Books & Reading, Geeks Rule, Movies & TV

(During a quiet moment at work, I overhear a college-aged guy snickering as he watches a woman in her mid-twenties at the next table. She’s reading ‘A Game of Thrones.’)

Woman: *finally sets down the book and smiles politely at him* “Can I help you?”

Guy: *still snickering a little, gesturing to her book* “Let me guess. You’re reading those because of the show, right? And the hot guys on it?”

(This is so out of line that I consider intervening, but before I can, the woman the guy the most condescending smile I’ve ever seen in my life.)

Woman: “I’m sorry. How old are you?”

Guy: “What? Why?”

Woman: “This book came out in 1996. I’m curious to see if you were even alive when it was first published.”

(The guy gapes at her, then scowls, mutters a sexist slur, and gets up to storm out. The woman notices me watching and grins.)

Woman: “This is my fourth time through these books, and I bet you anything I was reading the first one before he even knew how to read. Plus I’m gay, so I actually watch the show for the hot ladies!”

(Faced with this, I do the only thing I possibly can and bow deeply to her.)

Me: “Khaleesi!”

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