Soft-Selling

| OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Top

(We have got a new mattress, so I put the old one up on Craigslist. It’s free to the first person who comes to pick it up. Shortly after I post the ad, my phone rings.)

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “I’m calling about the mattress. Yeah, is it a pillow-top?”

Me: “No, sorry, it isn’t.”

Caller: “Oh. Well, I need a pillow-top. I’m having surgery next week, and I need a mattress with some support.”

Me: “I understand.”

(There is a long pause.)

Caller: “So what are you going to do?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Caller: *angrily* “I need a pillow-top mattress!”

Me: “Um, well, good luck?”

Unable To Think Outside The Box

| Ireland | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

Me: “Good morning, thank you for calling Tech Support.”

Customer: “Hi, I bought a [brand name] laptop, and I want to get it set up. Can you talk me through it?”

Me: “Sure, when you turn on the computer you’ll be asked to type in the user name you want to use—”

Customer: “I haven’t gotten that far yet. How do I open the box?”

Me: “Really, you want me to talk you through opening the box?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Is this a prank call?”

Customer: “No…”

(The customer actually kept me on the line for 30 minutes asking me how to open the box her laptop came in!)

Stupidity Can Permeate

| Brisbane, QLD, Australia | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(I am working a ten-hour shift in a supermarket, and it’s my job to make sure all the checkouts are running smoothly.)

Customer: “I was just enquiring about my free gift!”

Me: “Free gift?”

Customer: “Yeah, there was a sign next to where I picked up the milk, it said ‘something’ free. I want my free gift!”

Me: “I’m not sure about any promotions with our milk, but let me go to the milk fridge and check for you.”

(I go down to the milk fridge to check the customers query, and notice the ticket says “Permeate Free”. It is this new change to Australian milk, which now is free of a certain chemical that used to prolong the life of milk. I head back up to the counter.)

Customer: “About time you came back! WHERE’S MY FREE GIFT!”

Me: “Uhm, ma’am, the ‘gift’ you were enquiring about was our ‘permeate free’ condition.”

Customer: “I don’t care; give me my free permeate!”

Me: “Permeate is an additive of milk, and not a promotion. I can’t give that to you.”

(The customer doesn’t even acknowledge my response out of embarrassment, and quickly pays for her groceries and flees the store. The next customer has been paying attention to this whole argument.)

Next Customer: “Can I have my free permeate as well? Haha, only joking. What a knob!”

Paying It Forward

| QC, Canada | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Top

(I work as a secretary in a community center where children can attend day camps. They also have to pay in advance if they want to attend a special activity outside of the city. A mother calls.)

Me: “Community Center, how may I help you?”

Mother: “Hi! I know this must be difficult to do, since you have a lot to do with all the day camps, but I have a request.”

Me: “Yes?”

Mother: “Well, my daughter was registered for the activity that will be Friday on next week. I have already paid, but she won’t be able to go because we’re on vacation that week. I would like you to transfer her reservation to another child please.”

(I think that she wants to get her money back, like most of parents when they call.)

Me: “So you are asking me to give you back your money for this activity?”

Mother: “No, no! Of course not! I know it’s a bit complicated, but I would like you to transfer the reservation to another child that would like to go there, but doesn’t have the money for it.”

Me: “Oh, wow! Now I understand, and it’s very kind of you! May I have your name, your daughter’s name and your phone number so I can call you back—”

Mother: “Oh! I don’t need you to call me back; just to know another kid will be happy makes me happy! But my daughter’s name is [name], so you can remove the activity in her file. Thank you very much for doing this!”

Stereotypes Are A Bigot’s Best Friend

| Stewart, BC, Canada | Bigotry, Language & Words, Top

(Born and raised in Donegal, Ireland, I moved to Canada in my late teens. I still carry an extremely thick accent. I am working my first day at a call center and pick up the phone.)

Me: “Hello, my name is Danny; how can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m sorry; what did you say? Your name is Darry?”

Me: “My name is Danny, sir. Short form of Daniel.”

Customer: “Wait, are you a Scotsman?”

Me: “Irishman, sir.”

Customer: “Oh, f***’s sake! Put me on the phone with someone who can help me.”

Me: “Well, sir, I am new to this profession, but I assure you that I’ll—”

Customer: “No, just shut up and get me an American! You can go get drunk off an a**-load of whiskey that you pale f***s live for.”

Me: “Sir, with all due respect, I work in a Canadian call center, and therefore most of the workers here are Canadian, not American.”

Customer: “I can’t understand you! You’re slurring because of how f****** drunk you always are! Go get me your boss, ya f****** Leprechaun!”

(I proceed to put my boss on the phone, who happens to be an African-American.)

Customer: “Sir, my call was just answered by an Irishman.”

(My boss raises an eyebrow at me, and I shrug.)

Boss: “Yes, and?”

Customer: “And I want to make that next time I call, I don’t end up with a n****** on the other end. Real people should be doing this kind of work. I’m sure you’re a respectable man who will think about this.”

Boss: “Actually, sir, I happen to be black.”

Customer: “Oh, s***!” *hangs up*