Bored To Death At School

| Long Island, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month

(I’m working as a cashier when a man and his young daughter (about nine or ten) come in. The girl looks upset.)

Me: *to the girl* “Hi, there! How was school?”

Girl: “I HATE school!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. What don’t you like about it?”

Girl: “Everything, except for lunch and recess.”

Me: “Well, what DO you like? What interests you?”

Girl: *looking me right in the eye and smiling* “DEATH!”

(Needless to say, I was speechless.)

This Caller Has No Hang Ups

| USA | Rude & Risque, Spouses & Partners, Theme Of The Month

(I work in retention for a major credit card company. One of the strictest rules in our department is that, while you can suggest strongly that a customer hang up or call back, you cannot drop the call.)

Customer: “I was wondering if we could talk about my interest rate. I was noticing on my last- OH, GOD!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “OH! OH, GOD!”

Me: “Ma’am, are you all right?”

Customer: “I’m fine. My husband just fondled my breast.”

(I turn bright red and her breathing becomes heavy.)

Customer: “OH, GOD, YES!”

Me: “Ma’am, if this is a bad time…”

Customer: “NO! I was saying, on my last statement, I noticed that my APR… OH, OH, OH, GOD, YES!”

(From the grunting and moaning on the other end of the line, I deduce that this is not just… um… a fondle. All this time, the woman keeps telling me that she wants to know if we can lower her APR. I finally had to mute the phone, turn down the mind-blowing orgasm that my customer was having and then answer her questions when she could focus again. Most awkward moment ever.)

Dilate It Down A Little

| Aurora, CO, USA | Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging, Theme Of The Month

(I’m nine months pregnant, on literally my last week before maternity leave, working the front desk. I have just checked into his room an older man, about 55 to 60 years old.)

Guest: *turning to go fetch his suitcase from the car* “Oh, and, are you pregnant?”

Me: “Yup. I’m due March 6th.”

Guest: “So, are you dilated yet?”

Looking For Excitement In The Workplace

, | Scottsdale, AZ, USA | Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

(A young man comes into the store and approaches the counter. He is probably about 17 or 18, dressed all in black, with hair down to his waist and fingernails that are about two inches long.)

Customer: “Hi. I’d like to apply for a job.”

Me: “Okay, just fill out this application.”

(He takes the application, fills it out, and leaves. I immediately look through it. Under ‘tell us about yourself’ he wrote: ‘I am a gothic semi-pantophile. The smallest things excite me.’ We has to look up pantophile. It means someone who is sexually aroused by anything. We didn’t hire him.)

Fickle Over A Nickel

| PA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Money

(The store where I work has a coffee booth near the express lane, where I am working one day. Customer #1, an elderly man, comes to my register with a small coffee. He puts a dollar, two quarters, and four pennies on my counter.)

Customer #1: “It should be $1.54 for this coffee, right?”

Me: “I think so. Let me check.”

(I ring it up and with tax it comes to $1.59.)

Me: “Oh, sorry. Looks like it’s actually $1.59. You were close though!”

(The man frowns and pulls out a wad of bills. He has twenties, tens, fives, and several more dollar bills.)

Customer #1: *muttering* “I might as well give you a twenty to get a nickel!” *stuffs all his money back in his pockets* “You can just keep the d*** coffee!”

(He storms off, leaving me speechless. The next customer stares after him.)

Customer #2: “Goodness! What was his problem?”

Me: “He was a nickel short for his coffee and didn’t want to give me another dollar instead.”

Customer #2: “Is that what all the fuss was about? Shoot, I could have given him a nickel!”

Me: “I have some dimes in my pocket, but I don’t think he would have accepted that either.”

Customer #2: *shaking her head* “Shame. It seems like he really could have used that coffee!”

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