When Larry Met Crazy

| Mt. Vernon, IL, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

(I am working in the afternoon as a board operator at a local country music station. At the top of every hour they play a five-minute feed from CNN news.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Station Name]. How may i help you today?”

Caller: “I DEMAND TO SPEAK TO LARRY KING!”

Me: “Okay, sir, I’m afraid I cannot do that. We are a—”

Caller: “I KNOW D***-WELL WHAT YOU ARE! LET ME SPEAK TO LARRY KING!”

Me: “I understand, but Larry King doesn’t work here. We only air CNN news, which comes in via an automated service.”

Caller: “YEAH! CNN! THAT’S YOU GUYS! CNN! LARRY KING IS ON CNN! LET ME TALK TO LARRY NOW!”

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid I cannot do that. He is not here in our studio. We are not CNN.”

Caller: “YOUR MANAGER, NOW! YOU’RE FIRED!”

Me: “Okay, please hold.”

(I transfer him to my manager. 10 minutes later…)

Manager: “I just dealt with the most angry man who thinks Larry King works here.”

Me: “I tried to explain to him that we only play CNN news on the top of the hour and that we are not CNN news.”

Manager: “Yeah, I told him the same.”

Me: “So how did you get rid of him?”

Manager: “I told him that Larry King traces all his calls before taking them and he hung up really quickly after that.”

Utah Is Not Her Calling

| UT, USA | Health & Body

(I used to work in a very different kind of call center. People who lived in California would call us in Utah to make an appointment for their doctors. But we weren’t allowed to tell them we were in Utah, so we had to act like we were actually in California, at the front desk of the doctor’s office.)

Me: “[Company]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yes, I need to talk to the nurse right away!”

Me: “Okay, no problem, ma’am. I’m just going to need to open up your file real fast. Can I get your last name and birth date?”

Customer: “No. You’re in f***** Utah. I don’t want to give you s***. You’ll steal my identity.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I am unable to transfer you over to your nurse unless I have your information.”

Customer: “F*** you!” *hangs up*

(About five minutes later I get the same lady again and go through the regular routine.)

Customer: “I’m going to call the police and the newspapers and let them know that you’re stealing our jobs!”

Me: “I’m sorry you’re upset, ma’am. I can try to get you to a nurse, but that means I have to put you on hold”

Customer: “You’re going to go to jail because you stole our jobs! You will not put me on hold or I will press charges!”

(I tried to work with her more but she was not having it. She ended up just hanging up on me. I finally was able to open her file, because I guess I wasn’t the only person she threatened that day. She never called me back, but I later found out that she stormed into the doctor’s office and they ended up having to call the cops to escort her out.)

Needs To Learn About Togetherness

| WI, USA | At The Checkout, Underaged

(Two customers come up to my register together with a bottle of brandy; both look young so I move to card them both.)

Me: “Can I see your IDs, please?”

Customer #1: “Oh, she’s not buying anything.”

Me: “It doesn’t matter. If you’re together, I need to see both of your IDs before I can sell this brandy to you.”

Customer #1: “We’re not together.”

Me: “Then how do you know she isn’t buying anything?”

Customer #1: “Well, she’s not holding anything, so I just assumed… We’re not together!”

Customer #2: “I’m just his ride!”

Me: “I’m sorry, that doesn’t matter. I cannot sell to you since you are together.”

(At this point they exchange a look that makes it very clear that they’re trying to pull one on me and that Customer #2 is, in fact, underage.)

Customer #1: “But we’re not together!”

Me: “She just said she’s the one who drove you here.”

Customer #1: “This is complete garbage! I have never heard of this stupid f***ing rule! No one’s ever done this to me before. We’re not even together!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. It’s state law that I can only sell if I have IDs from everyone in the group.”

Customer #1: “But we’re not together!”