Brought Her Baggage With Her

| Sacramento, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

(I am currently checking out a customer with a $130 order. Another customer comes up behind her with one item and I tell the first customer that I will check the second customer out first before I continue to help her. Big mistake.)

Customer #1: “Why? That doesn’t make any sense! I was here first!”

Me: “It will only take a moment, ma’am. She only has one item.”

Customer #1: “Whatever.” *rolls her eyes and scoffs at me*

Customer #2: “No, really it’s okay. I can wait.”

Me: “It’s not a problem. Once I help you, I can focus on helping this customer bag.”

Customer #1: “Help me bag? You WILL bag!”

Me: *speechless*

(I keep quiet at this point so I don’t say something I regret. I help Customer #2 out and she leaves. Things are tense now between me and Customer #1. I am already bagging her items. My manager comes over to try and defuse the situation’)

Customer #1: “I’m glad you’re here, since apparently SHE needs help.”

(My manager and I bagged her items and got her out of there. She was the worst customer I had ever had to deal with since I had been working at that store.)

The Purple Flower Eater

| USA | Bigotry, Extra Stupid, Home Improvement, Pets & Animals

Manager: *answering phone* “[Complex Manager]’s office. This is [Manager].”

Resident: “Someone dug up my flowers! The purple ones! It’s because purple is the gay color. They think I’m gay, and they hate me, so they dug up my flowers!”

Manager: “Slow down, [Resident]. Who dug up your flowers?”

Resident: “People who hate me because they think I’m gay!”

Manager: “O… kay. When did you plant these flowers?”

Resident: “Yesterday. I had that row of white flowers, and I planted the purple ones in between. It went white, purple, white, purple. But they only dug up the purple ones!”

Manager: “Did you do anything special when you planted the purple ones?”

Resident: “Well, yes. I put some fish pieces in the soil because I heard that it was supposed to help the plants grow.”

Manager: “… [Resident], I think that raccoons dug up your flowers to get at the fish.”

Resident: “What? No, that can’t be. Raccoons are very respectful of nature. They wouldn’t do that.”

Look Out For The Always Looking

, | Chicago, IL, USA | Bizarre

(It is 10 minutes to closing time on a Saturday night. I am the only one in my department tonight, and I notice a customer walk in to the store.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Company]! What brings you in today?”

Customer: “Just looking around, thank you.” *starts to walk over to our tool chest section*

Me: “Was this your first time purchasing or were you looking to upgrade your tool chest?”

Customer: “No, thank you. Just looking.”

(I leave the customer so they can look around a bit while I make sure there are no other customers are in my department.)

Me: “Alrighty, then. If you need anything, please let me know.”

(I help and ring up the other customers that were in my department, and I notice the customer is still looking around the same section.)

Me: “Hello again. Were you able to make a decision?”

Customer: “No, still just looking.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I give them some useful product information about the various tool chests before walking away again. I go to prep the registers for closing time, and lock the doors. Immediately after locking the last door, I turn around and see the customer staring at me with wide eyes and planted feet. I open the door and greet the customer.)

Me: “H… Hi there, were you able to make a decision?”

Customer: “Yes. Where were you?”

Me: “I do apologize. It is 20 minutes after closing time, and I had to start locking up. Which one were you looking at purchasing today?”

Customer: “Oh, I wasn’t going to purchase today… I just needed to know if this was in stock.”

(I check stock on the register, and we have several available.)

Me: “Yes, sir. We do have them in stock.”

Customer: “Will they still be here on Tuesday?”

Me: “Unfortunately, since it’s Saturday, I cannot guarantee that it will be in and I can only place items on hold to be picked up on the same day of inquiry.”

Customer: “Okay, well, I’ll be back on Tuesday.”

Me: “Certainly. Here’s my card, and make sure to let them know you spoke to me when you pick it up. Also, feel free to ask them any more questions.”

Customer: “Thank you!”

(I unlock one of the doors, let the customer out, lock it back up. I start closing down the registers, and see one of our cool supervisors walk up to the one I’m counting.)

Supervisor: “Hey, you all right?”

Me: “Yeah. Hey, do me a favor.”

Supervisor: “Yeah?”

Me: “Remind me to never play Silent Hill before coming to work ever again!”

(We both laughed.)

Turned Into A Dog Day Afternoon

| Sacramento, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Pets & Animals

(I’ve been having a really bad day due to a customer I had earlier. An older gentleman comes up to my till and I smile weakly at him.)

Me: “How are you doing today, sir?”

Customer #1: “I’m doing just fine, little lady. How are you?”

Me: “I’m all right. Are you getting the dog food as well?”

Customer #1: “Yes, but I’m going to pay for that with cash, if that’s all right?”

Me: “Not a problem.”

(I continue to check out the grocery portion of it and he pays. I next begin scanning the dog food when a woman behind him in line sees it and flicks her gaze to Customer #1.)

Customer #2: “Excuse me, sir?”

(Both he and I look at the woman. I’m bracing myself for an altercation.)

Customer #2: “I just really love dogs. Would you mind if I buy those for you?”

Customer #1: “Y-you don’t have to!”

Customer #2: “I know, but I want to. I really love dogs and I want to do anything I can for them.”

(With Customer #1’s blessing, she added the cans of dog food to her $30 order. Faith in humanity was restored and my day improved after that!)

This Method Of Customer Service Should Go Viral

| Reno, NV, USA | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Technology

(I am working at the call center of a major bank. Usually we only handle questions regarding savings or checking accounts, but, in order to save customers time and aggravation, we are ‘encouraged’ to try to answer questions that more properly should be answered by a different department.)

Customer: “I’m trying to log onto my account, but it just keeps asking for my username and password.”

(I mute the call and turn to a co-worker who is monitoring the call queue.)

Me: “How bad is the wait for online customer care?”

Coworker: “35 minutes; it’s been climbing all night.”

(I take the customer off mute.)

Me: “Normally I would transfer you to online customer care, but let’s see if we can figure this out without you being on hold longer. Is your caps lock light on?”

Customer: “No.”

(I go through all of the steps, and none of the usual errors seem to be a problem. I then recall an email that had gone around the company a few weeks before, about some malware and phishing attempts going on, and our bank is one of the targets.)

Me: “Sir, do you know what the address bar is on your browser?”

Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “Up near the top of the screen, a long thin white rectangle, with letters inside? The letters should start with ‘http’?”

Customer: *pause* “Yes, I see it.”

(By this time my supervisor has noticed how long the call is taking and has come over to listen in.)

Me: “Can you read off the letters after the two slash marks?”

(As the customer begins to read the letters, I figure out the problem.)

Me: “Sir, that’s not our website.”

Customer: “But it’s got your logo on it.”

Me: “Yes, sir. It’s a website that is supposed to look like our website, in order to steal your information.”

Customer: “But it’s your logo.”

(This continues for several minutes until the customer finally gets it.)

Customer: “So what can I do?”

Me: “You need to run antivirus software to make sure it isn’t a virus or malware. If you don’t know how to do that, I would recommend you get a professional to check out your computer.”

Customer: “Can’t you recommend the software I could use?”

Me: “Sir, we are a bank; I can’t give you advice about which software to use.”

Supervisor: “Send him over to online customer care.”

Coworker: “The wait’s gone up to 75 minutes.”

Me: “Sir, can I place you on hold for a moment?”

(I place him on hold and turn to my supervisor.)

Me: “You want me to get him off the line right?”

Supervisor: “The call’s already too long.”

Me: “You want me to do whatever it takes to get him off the line?”

Supervisor: “Yes! Just don’t hang up on him!”

Me: *takes the customer off hold* “Sir, I’ve just asked our technicians, and they tell me that if you don’t take the computer in to a professional, the virus could infect any children in the house, and they could wind up paralyzed for life.”

Customer: “Oh, my god! Can I take it into [Big Name Electronics Retailer]?”

Me: “Yes, their computer department can scan and fix your computer. They do it all the time.”

Customer: “Oh, my god. Thank you so much! You’re the best customer service guy I’ve ever talked to!”

Me: “I’m glad I was able to help.” *turn to my supervisor as he stares at me in horror* “Happy?”

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