Putting You In The Hot Seat

| Paris, France | Crazy Requests, Transportation

(I am on the bus home when a middle-aged woman gets on. The bus is far from empty, but there are several free seats left. Nonetheless, she approaches a teenage girl sitting down towards the front.)

Lady: “I need that seat.”

Girl: *in halting, heavily-accented French* “I’m sorry, I don’t…”

Lady: “I NEED that seat. I need it now. I have a pass. I need it.”

Girl: “I… there are other…”

Lady: “BUT I NEED THAT SEAT.”

(The girl apparently gave up, and decided to move to one of the free seats nearby. The woman sat her bag down on the vacated seat and proceeded to stand next to it with a faint air of triumph for the rest of her journey – all of three stops down the road.)

Needs A Room For Improvement

| Laughlin, NV, USA | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging, Wild & Unruly

(I work in a hotel/casino on graveyard and I am all alone on a busy night. One guest at the end of the line is obviously very upset as she has to wait for about 15 minutes. Another guest, one of our VIPs I’d checked in earlier, walks up and the guest tells her she is been waiting for over an hour and it takes me 30+ minutes to check in one person. The VIP guest defends me, further aggravating the guest.)

Me: “Hi. Sorry for the wait. What can I do for you?”

Guest: “It’s about d*** time! I’ve been waiting over an hour and all I need is a f****** room key!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. As you can see, I’m all alone tonight—”

Guest: “I don’t care if you’re alone! You should have more people here, then! It’s not my fault if you’re understaffed! I just want a f****** key!”

Me: “Once again, I’m sorry for the wait. Now what is your room number so I can make you a new key?”

Guest: “I don’t know! 17-something-something.”

Me: “Do you have your ID?”

Guest: “You’ve gotta be f****** kidding me!” *flashes her ID from her wallet* “What’s taking so long?! All I need is a f****** key!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m having a hard time finding you in the system. Is there some other name it could be under?”

Guest: “What? NO! It would be under my name!”

Me: “Are you sure you’re in the right hotel?”

Guest: *obviously unsure of herself* “Yeah. Well, I’m pretty sure…”

Me: “Are you sure you’re not at [Hotel Next Door]?”

(The guest stomps off without a word, embarrassed.)

VIP Guest: “She made all that fuss and wasn’t even in the right hotel? She should probably stop drinking.”

Just Made Her (Mother’s) Day

| Milford, CT, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Money

(I am a hostess, and this story happens the Friday before Mother’s Day. I am standing at the register at the entrance to the restaurant when a gentleman in his early 40s who had been dining alone approaches me.)

Customer: “Do I pay up here?”

Me: “Oh! No, sir, you pay with your waitress. Let me grab her for you.”

(I go to the back and bring the waitress up to the front with me.)

Customer: *to waitress* “So, my bill was $18?”

Waitress: “Yes. ”

Customer: “Do you have a family?”

Waitress: “Uh… yes.”

Customer: “You have kids?”

Waitress: “Yes.”

Customer: “Well, then. This is for my check.” *hands coworker a $20 bill* “… and this is for you.” *hands coworker a $50 bill* “Happy Mother’s Day!”

(At this point, the customer leaves before the waitress can even say ‘thank you.’)

Waitress: *to me* “I think I’m gonna cry.”

No Sub-Price For The Sub-Continent

, | Liverpool, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Money

(I’m having my eyebrows threaded at a beauty stand I frequent in the middle of the main thoroughfare of our local shopping mall. The business is owned and run by an Asian family, and they offer very competitive prices. They also offer threading for other facial hair. While I’m there, there are two technicians, both young Asian ladies. An older Asian man approaches Technician #1, who is working on my eyebrows, while Technician #2 is having a conversation with someone on the phone in her native language.

Man: “How much is it to have my whole face done?”

Technician #1: “£22.”.

Man: “I’m Indian.”

Technician #1: “Yes. £22.”

Man: “What? Even for a fellow Indian?”

(At this point, Technician #2 puts the phone down, and says something to Technician #1 in their language. The Indian man waits, expectantly. She addresses him in English.)

Technician #2: “We’re from Pakistan. £22.”

(The man glares and stalks off, before the two technicians burst into laughter. I ask what I’ve missed.)

Technician #1: “We’re Indian.”

Technician #2: “We always get these older guys trying to haggle us down ‘because we’re all Indian.’ India’s a big place, and we have a business to run!”

Sherlock Hemlock Solves The Case

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I am the customer in this story. It’s New Year’s Day and my mom’s family has a tradition where one cooks ham hocks and beans for good luck. I’m at the store and can’t find the ham hock.)

Me: “Excuse me.”

Employee: “Yes?”

Me: “Can you tell me where to find the hemlock please?”

Employee: “What?”

Me: “The hemlock.”

Employee: *pause* “What do you need it for?”

Me: “Oh, my family is coming over today and my mom is going to put it in beans.”

Employee: “Could you describe it for me?”

Me: “Um, it’s a part of a pig, attached to the leg—”

Employee: “Ham hock! Right this way.”

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