Has No Meat Between Their Ears

| Milwaukee, WI, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Pets & Animals, Top

(I wear a leather duster, leather hat, and leather boots. I am working a booth for my employer and am approached by a customer.)

Customer: “Leather is murder.”

Me: “Well, the animal died for its meat. Might as well use its skin.”

Customer: “Meat is murder.”

Me: “Okay, so is eating anything else.”

Customer: “I am a vegan. Nothing I eat or wear is alive.”

Me: “Plants are alive.”

Customer: “But they do not feel and are not really alive.”

(I spot her leather boots.)

Me: “What about your boots?”

Customer: “They are made from vegan-friendly leather.”

(I look again at the obvious cowhide name-brand boots.)

Me: “They look like cowhide to me.”

Customer: “But they are VEGAN friendly. The salesperson told me. I think they come from a leather tree. You know like a rubber tree.”

Me: “There are no leather trees. They came from a cow.”

(The customer is getting really mad and shouting at me.)

Customer: “This isn’t about me wearing vegan leather! This is about you wearing non-vegan leather!”

Me: “I am sorry, but there is no such thing as vegan leather.”

Customer: “The salesperson told me it was vegan friendly. I bought them from [Major Boot Chain] and they wouldn’t lie.”

Me: “Sorry, but the only place you get leather is the skin of an animal.”

Customer: “Well, then cows must shed their skin like a snake and they used that. But this IS vegan leather.”

Me: “If a cow sheds its skin it dies. That is how you get the meat out.”

Customer: “LEATHER IS MURDER!”

(The customer walks off pointing at me and yelling ‘murderer!’)

Me: “Next?”

Following Customer: “Did that just happen?”

Me: “I would love to know what happened at the leather store that sold her the boots.”

Not Happy About The Bright Future

| KY, USA | Books & Reading, Technology

(Finishing just this year, our branch underwent a three-year-long, multi-million dollar renovation. It was much needed as the original building was from the 1970s and no longer met building safety codes. We have received nothing but compliments on the updates until…)

Woman #1: “Oh, my god! This is horrible!”

Woman #2: “Isn’t it?”

Woman #1: “Why is it so bright? Where are the dark corners for me to hide? Where’s the history? There’s no history here! I want my exposed brick! I want the busts back on the tables! Where are the busts?”

Coworker: *to me* “Have we ever had busts on the table?”

Me: “Not that I’m aware of.”

Woman #1: “My taxes are not paying for this! This is awful!”

(Woman #1 storms out with Woman #2. Neither actually looked at the books.)

Over-spilling With Irresponsibility

| Scotland, UK | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(We sell hot drinks in takeaway cups. We serve them without sugar, and direct customers to the end of the counter where they can add it if they wish. My colleague has just served a woman her coffee:)

Colleague: “Okay, that’s your latte there. Sugar is at the end of the counter if you need it. Enjoy your movie.”

Customer: “Thank you.”

(The customer takes the drink, and goes to the end of the counter, where she puts her cup on an uneven pile of napkins. When she then takes the lid off, the cup tips, and covers the counter and the customer. At this point, my colleague goes over to help clean up.)

Colleague: “Don’t worry. We will get this cleaned up, and I will get you another coffee.”

(After he gets the coffee, the customer asks for a supervisor.)

Customer: “I think you should take responsibility for this accident. I don’t think it’s anyone’s fault, but you should take responsibility.”

Supervisor: “We should take responsibility for you placing your drink on the napkins instead of the counter, and then spilling it on yourself?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Disturbingly Dense, Part 3

| USA | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging

Customer: “I’d like to make a complaint. I’ve been here for two nights already, and not once has my room been cleaned! What kind of hotel is this?”

Me: “I’m sorry for the trouble, ma’am.” *checks with housekeeping* “Ma’am, the housekeeper says that there was a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on your doorknob.”

Customer: “What? I thought that meant don’t disturb me, not no housekeeping!”

(I calmly explain it, while she screams for a refund from for not making things clearer. She didn’t get it.)

Related:
Disturbingly Dense, Part 2
Disturbingly Dense

A Photo Perfect Finish

, | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Crazy Requests

(I work in the photo processing department of a large retailer. A customer comes in and starts thumbing through the 2×2″ square frames suitable for passport photos, etc. displayed on the processing counter.)

Customer: *abruptly* “Excuse me, can you print photos at this size?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but the smallest square size the printer will allow us to produce is 5×5″ – that paper is the smallest paper we have available.”

Customer: “Well, what good is that? This is ridiculous.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “It’s disgusting; this is false and misleading advertising! How dare you stock a product if you won’t stock the supplementary parts!”

Me: “Using that same flawed logic, ma’am, you could argue that it’s false and misleading advertising insofar as we stock baby car-seats, but not cars – or babies!”

(Customer blinked, stared blankly, and then stormed off.)

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