His Place In The World Is An Asylum

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | Right | September 3, 2015

(I’m making a call over the intercom requesting that a customer remove their car from a no parking zone. My coworkers like to make fun of me, since it’s become my personal mission to make sure nobody parks there. My coworker is serving a seemingly normal gentleman at the time.)

Customer: “You know, you ladies should be changing the world!”

Coworker: “Yeah, [My Name], and it starts with you getting that vehicle to move!”

(We both laugh, but the customer goes on.)

Customer: “I’m serious! We all have our place in the world. You know, us white people, we’re supposed to protect the water.”

(At this point, we realize he’s completely serious.)

Customer: “And the Africans? They protect the animals. And the brown people? You know, like the Aboriginals and the, uh, Middle Eastern people? Well, they’re always fighting over land, so I think they’re supposed to protect the land!”

(My coworker and I are speechless. The customer continues.)

Customer: “And the yellow people! You know, the Asians? Well they’re supposed to feed us all!”

(The customer continues on his rant, saying things I can’t quite catch, and then leaves.)

Coworker: *to me* “Why do we only get the weird ones when we work together?”

Needs More Than A Penny For Your Thoughts

| TN, USA | Right | September 3, 2015

(Our cell phone provider has a promotion where you can add a smartphone or open a new smartphone account for one cent. We are in the store to upgrade our account. A woman and her husband come in to get an explanation about their bill. They watch us get a new phone and the sales person ask us for one cent.)

Woman: “Can I get one of those one cent phones?”

Salesperson: “Yes, all you need to do is upgrade to our data plan.”

Woman: “I don’t want any upgrades. I want to get a phone for a penny and give it to my daughter.”

Salesperson: “You really need to have a data plan with a two year commitment in order to get a phone for a penny. We can sign up your daughter if you’d like.”

Woman: “I don’t get it. I just want a phone for a penny.”

Woman’s Husband: *leading her out of the door* “I’ll explain it to you.”

Weighed Down By Your Thumbs Up

| KY, USA | Right | September 3, 2015

Customer: “Do ya’ll sell concrete?”

Me: “Yes, it’s in aisle 32 on the left, about 1/4 of the way down.”

Customer: “I need 80 bags.”

Me: “80 bags of 50lb bags, or 80lb bags?”

Customer: “80 bags, please.”

(I tell him to take the item number to the cashier, and I’d bring it out on the forklift as soon as it’s paid for.)

Me: “Sir, what are you driving?”

Customer: “That little red truck.”

Me: “Uhm… sir, that’ll crush your truck.”

Customer: “No, it won’t. I’ve hauled 150 bags with this truck.”

Me: “Sir, that’s 6400 pounds in the bed of a truck.”

Customer: “Just load it. I’m in a hurry.”

Me: “Sir, I’m going to call our manager and ask him about it.”

(The manager comes and I explain.)

Manager: “Sir, that’ll smash that little truck, but we can load it. All I need you to do is look at the camera and give a thumbs up?”

Customer: “Why?”

Manager: “So when we crush your truck, we won’t be held responsible since you didn’t listen to our advice.”

(The customer gives a thumbs up, and I load the truck. It doesn’t smash the truck. With a smug look, the customer goes to drive away, until the rear end falls out from under the truck.)

Customer: “What the h***?! You’re going to replace the truck!”

Manager: “You gave consent, and the video camera you gave a thumbs up to also records audio.”

Me: *still laughing* “Told you.”

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The Amphibious Ambiguous Government

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | Right | September 3, 2015

(I am ringing a customer out for some products for her turtle.)

Me: “Would you like your receipt?”

Customer: “Ha! And let the government know I have a turtle? No, thank you!”

New Sales Announced On Wikileaks

| Norway | Right | September 2, 2015

(A customer is looking at a particular item, and wants to know the price.)

Me: “That’s 99 kroner.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s a bit pricey I think..”

Me: “It’s a secret but I’ll tell you. This item is coming on half price on Monday, you could come back and make a good deal on it.”

(The customer starts looking around and acting like I just told her a national secret wondering if anybody else heard it.)

Customer: “Okay, thank you! WHOOPS!” *whispers* “T-thank you!”

(She ran out before I could say anything else.)

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