She’s Going To Have Kittens

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Pets & Animals, Wild & Unruly

(I volunteer at a cat shelter and am usually on care duties, but I manage adoptions when there isn’t a more experienced coworker available. On this day I’m one of only two people working, so when someone interested in adoption enters, I take care of them.)

Customer: “I’m looking for a cat that’s docile and easy to care for, but isn’t scared of everything or so shy you never see it. Y’know?”

(There are many cats that match this description, so I introduce them to the first three that stick out in my mind and invite them to take a look around the shelter on their own while I take care of the other units. They thank me and I leave for ten minutes. I later catch up with them as they’re exiting the kitten unit.)

Customer: “I found the perfect one!”

Me: “Oh, really? That’s great! Which one?”

Customer: “The little black and grey one just in there.” *points*

(There are two matching that description, so I invite them back into the unit with me and they show me the kitten they want. To my horror, it’s one of the worst-behaved cats we have, deceptive in that it will purr and cuddle you before it pisses all over your clothes and tears up the blinds.)

Me: “Oh… this one? I feel like I should warn you that she’s had behavioural issues in the past. She’s the reason this room doesn’t have any cushions in it and she has a bad track for urinating on clothes. I wouldn’t recommend her over the other cats I showed you.”

Customer: “What?! No! You must be thinking of that one.” *gestures to the other black and grey kitten, with distinctly different facial markings, sleeping in a bed* “This one’s so sweet. She just came right up to me and cuddled me the entire time I was in here.”

Me: “No, I’m positive it’s this one. She is very loving, but she’ll shred all your furniture. I’m afraid that if you adopt her you’ll have to spend a lot of your time working through her destructiveness, if you can at all. Since you’re looking for an easy to care for cat, I really don’t think she’d be a good match.”

Customer: “Blah! This is the one I want. I’m sure of it. Don’t you want them to get adopted?”

(We argue back and forth for a short while. I’m reluctant to put their application through to the shelter owner, but they’re insistent, and I don’t have the option not to, anyway. Three days later they pay and pick the kitten up. They arrive at the shelter again in two weeks and catch me as I’m emptying litter boxes.)

Customer: “You! You’re the person who let me adopt that s***-brained f****** cat! I should sue this place!”

Me: *remembering them* “You adopted the black and grey kitten that I specifically warned you not to adopt?”

Customer: “Yes! She f***** up all my drapes and pissed on everything in my f****** closet! I should make you pay for the damage!”

Me: “I’m sorry for your belongings, but I told you this would happen before you even placed your application. There’s nothing we can do to reimburse you.”

Coworker: *approaching the shouting* “I can help you in the office. If you would follow me?”

(They follow her, ranting about their drapes and my incompetence. Turns out the kitten did more than $500 worth of damage, but we’re in no way liable to compensate their loss. The kitten was returned to the shelter and was later adopted by a woman who was able to rehabilitate her.)

Having A Multiple Light-Bulb Moment

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Bigotry, Technology, Transportation

(I am the manager at a very busy convenience store that also sells fuel. One particularly quiet afternoon, a customer pulls up and starts to remove every single light bulb from his car. I watch for a little while then go outside to see if I can be of any help.)

Me: “G’day. A problem with your lights?”

Customer: “Yeah, they all stopped working so I need new ones. You sell bulbs don’t you?”

Me: “Yes, we do, but instead of removing them all may I make a suggestion?”

Customer: “You? I doubt it, love. Girls don’t know anything about cars.”

Me: *not the first time I have heard this* “No problem, I’ll be inside when you need the globes.”

(The customer removes every light globe, indicator globe and even all the internal globes, puts them in a bag and comes inside to the counter.)

Customer: “I’ll have one of each of these.”

Me: “No problem.”

(I proceed to get all of the globes he needed, including the not so cheap headlight globes. He pays for them, totaling approximately $45, and then goes back to his car and spends the next hour or so putting them in, with me watching from inside with a huge smile on my face. After he installs them all, he turns on the car, tries the lights, and none of them work. By this stage I have let it go far enough, so I grab a $0.45 blade fuse, go to his car, pop the bonnet, change the fuse, got him to try his lights, and wouldn’t you know it? They all now worked!)

Customer: “…”

Me: “Have a great day!*

(Then I skipped back inside!)

Calling About Calling

| Canada | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

(I work at a customer service desk. I answer the phone with my usual greeting. The customer on the other line starts screaming.)

Customer: “WHY DID YOU CALL ME?!”

Me: “Ma’am, you called us… Was there anything I could help you with?”

Customer: “WHY. DID. YOU. CALL. ME.”

Me: “Did someone leave a message on your machine?”

Customer: “Yes. It was you. Why did you call me?”

Me: “Well, it wasn’t me personally. What did the message say?”

Customer: “It said I had an order ready for pick up. Why did you call me?”

Me: “It would appear you have an order… for pick up…”

Thinking Way Outside The Box

| USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(It was getting to the end of the day at the bank. One of my tellers and a banker are in the drive-thru, starting to pack things up, when a customer pulls into one of the farthest lanes from the building.)

Customer: “I need to get into my safe deposit box.”

Teller: “Sure thing. I can let one of the bankers know that you will be coming in to get into your box.”

Customer: “No. I’m not coming in. I just want to get into my safe deposit box.”

Teller: “Well the safe deposit boxes are inside. They are inside the vault. The only way to get in the box is to go in the vault.”

Customer: “I know. I told you I am not coming inside. I just need to get into my safe deposit box.”

Teller: “How are you going to get your box out of the vault that is inside if you don’t come inside? Bank employees don’t have access to the safe deposit boxes because they contain your property. YOU have the key.”


Teller: “Seriously?”

Crazily Honest

| USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

(The store I work at is about a block from a mental health services office. We often see their clients in the store and know that some can be a bit eccentric.)

Me: “Hi. How are you today?”

Customer: “Not bad for a crazy guy but as long as I take my meds, I’m okay.”

Me: “Well, there’s something to be said for honesty…”

Page 944/2,942First...942943944945946...Last