The Sad (Pro)State Of Service

| Adelaide, Australia | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Spouses & Partners

(I work as a waitress in a small and very busy beach side cafe which attracts a somewhat pretentious crowd.)

New Colleague: “I’m not sure what that man at table one wanted. He was mumbling a lot.”

Me: “Oh, don’t worry. I’ll ask.”

Customer: “Oi, you! Can I get the bill?!” *does ticking bill sign in air*

Me: “When you’re ready, sir, just come to the front and we can sort it out up there.”

Customer: “Yeah, I know that but I want the bill here.”

Me: *grits teeth* “… Sure.”

(I bring the customer his bill. The customer’s wife waves me aside as her husband exits with a weird waddle in his step.)

Wife: “Don’t worry, dear. No man is pleasant to be around after a prostate exam.”

Silver Linen To Every Cloud

| USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging

(We have multiple very large groups staying with us, so all the extra bed sheets are taken up.)

Guest: “My child threw up on the bed! I need new linens!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we have no more.”

Guest: “Nonsense! You are supposed to help! It’s your job! Now fetch my linens and don’t be lazy about it!”

Me: “Sir, I’m not kidding. We don’t have any more. How am I supposed to get you some more linens when I don’t have what you need?”

(The guest yells angrily, so I bring the manager out.)

Manager: “What’s the problem?”

Guest: “I’ll tell you what’s the problem! This hotel has no more linens! What kind of hotel has no more linens to give!”

(My manager takes the angry guest out and walks with him someplace. When she returns, she is alone.)

Me: “What happened?”

Manager: “I showed him the lobby, which was full of people. I showed him the pool, which was full of people. Then I showed him the hallways, which were also full of people, and told him that every one of them has asked for linens and we ran out. He got real quiet, grunted, and then ran off to his room!”

Meatballs-Out Crazy Request

| CT, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(The building out of which I have operated my shop for the last 2.5 years was originally built as an Italian restaurant. The restaurant went out of business over a decade ago, and my coffee shop is only the latest in a string of businesses that have occupied the property since then.)

Me: *answering the phone* “Good afternoon, [Coffee Shop].”

Caller: “Oh, um, hi… This is going to sound a little stupid…”

Me: “No, don’t worry. What can I help you with?”

Caller: “Well, my name is [Caller], and I just really loved [Original Restaurant]’s meatballs and sauce. I was wondering if you still had any, or if you knew how to get some?”

Me: *speechless*

Caller: “They were just so good! Do you know where they might have opened up again?”

Me: “No… Not at all.”

Caller: “Oh, that’s disappointing. What a shame. They were just so good. I—”

Me: “All right. Well, if that’s all, I—”

Caller: “But they were just so good!”

Should Go Back To Primary Level

| Liverpool, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I work in a small art and bookshop. We get a lot of students coming in to get supplies.)

Customer: “Hi. I’m starting an art course at the college and I need some brushes.”

Me: “Okay. We have lots to choose from over there.”

(I point to huge rack of brushes to my right full of oil, acrylic, and watercolour brushes.)

Customer: “Oh, I’m not quite…”

Me: “I can help you if you like? What sort of brush are you looking for?”

Customer: “Well, what sort of brushes are the other students buying?”

Me: “It’s up to you really. It’s sort of a personal preference. What do you like to paint with?”

Customer: “Primary colours.”

Me: “…”

(Something told me she probably won’t excel at art college!)

A Customer’s Behavior Can Cut You In Half

| WV, USA | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement, Wild & Unruly

(I work as a weekday team member at a home improvement store, mostly in the lumber yard. I am already having a rough day, and a customer asks me if I could cut her a piece of plywood, but our wood cutter is currently out of service. Her pleasant demeanor instantly turns sour.)

Customer: “The fact that your saw is broken is unacceptable! My mother is sitting outside in her vehicle, and she just had open-heart surgery! I don’t have time for this!”

Me: “I’m very sorry that our saw is broken, ma’am, but I could call the store across town for you and see if their saw is functioning—”

Customer: “No! I don’t want to go to the other store! I spent $20 in gas just to f****** get here!”

Me: “Yet again, I do apologize for the inconvenience—”

(The customer obviously does not hear me, and continues shouting.)

Customer: “F*** you! I want my wood cut! I’ll break it in half myself if I have to!”

(At this point, the customer is so angry, I am afraid she will try to physically harm me. Two managers on duty overhear the ordeal and walk over.)

Manager #1: “I’m very sorry, ma’am, but as our associate has already told you, our saw is currently out of service, and is due to be replaced shortly. If you would like, we might have a circular saw in the back that we could use to cut it for you—”

Customer: “This is f****** crazy! I don’t understand why you can’t fix the saw! My mother is still out in the vehicle, and I don’t have time for your bulls***!”

Me: “Ma’am, if you don’t mind waiting here, I could go get the saw for you and cut it.”

Customer: “Are you f****** kidding me?! I’ve been in the store for over two hours, and you expect me to wait while you go f*** around, and probably not even come back!?”

(After more rambling, she finally agrees to wait. She then says she is going to go outside and ‘cool off.’ After I retrieve the circular saw, I then go outside to look for the customer. I find her in her car, with her feet up on the steering wheel, smoking a cigarette alongside her mother, who, for having ‘open-heart surgery’, is smoking as well. Customer recognizes me and then shoos me away, and I go back inside. After 25 minutes or so, the customer finally comes back inside, and this time, her ‘recovering’ mother has come in to do some paint shopping.)

Customer: “Is anyone going to f****** help me, or am I going to have to start shooting people to get attention?”

Manager #2: “Excuse me, ma’am, is that really necessary? Our associate went looking for you, and it has been over half an hour.”

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, but I am ready to cut this wood for you, as soon as you tell me the lengths you want.”

Customer: “I want you to cut it the f*** in half!”

Me: “Would you like me to rip it for you, or cut it in 4×4 sections?”

Customer: “Go ahead and f****** rip it. And stop wasting my time!”

(I proceed to rip the plywood into two foot by eight foot sections, but as it turns out, this was wrong. At this point, the two managers have left me to deal with this customer, because they felt that I had the situation under control.)

Customer: “You f****** dips***! Why did you cut my wood like that?!”

Me: “Ma’am, you told me to rip it—”

Customer: “No, I said in HALF!”

Me: “What did you mean, 4×4 sections?”

Customer: “Yes, that’s what I f****** said the first time!”

(Managers have overheard this as well, and came back over to assist.)

Manager #1: “Ma’am, we would be happy to get you a new piece of wood, but if you would have clarified exactly what you wanted, we stock wood in the dimensions you wanted, and you would have been out of here two hours ago.”

Customer: “I don’t give a s***! I just want my wood cut!”

(Thoroughly annoyed and ready to snap, I reluctantly retrieve a new piece of wood, and agree to re-cut it for her.)

Customer: “About f****** time! Thank you for wasting my life!”

Me: “Gladly.”

(Because of the violent nature of this customer, and because of her threats, the managers finally sent her out of the store, with her precious wood- for free. We didn’t want to give her any excuse to come back and we were thankful nothing else happened! Because of this whole ordeal, the managers allowed me to sit in the break room for a few minutes to cool off. Hopefully, that is the first AND last time I receive a death threat in the workplace.)

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