The ‘M’ Is Not For Monogamy

| USA | Bizarre, Spouses & Partners, Technology

Customer: “I can’t remember my password. Help?”

(I verify his identity.)

Me: “Your hint is ‘wife’s name.'”

Customer: “Crap, which one?”

Me: “It… starts with an ‘m?'”

Customer: “Oh, that one. Thanks!”

Allergic To Common Sense, Part 2

| Hampshire, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Hall of Fame, Health & Body

Customer: “I’m allergic to tree pollen, but I don’t have hay fever, so don’t try to sell me any hay-fever medication!”

New Colleague: “Sir, an allergy to tree pollen is hay fever. If you take these it will help.”

Customer: “It say’s trainee on your badge. You don’t know what you’re talking about! I’d like to speak to a more senior member of staff!”

(The new colleague fetches me. I am 20 years younger than my colleague.)

Me: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

Customer: “I asked to speak to a senior member of staff! Why are you getting involved?!”

Me: “As I’ve been here the longest. I am more than capable of answering any problems you may have.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! You’re a child. You can’t possibly be able to deal with the responsibility! Get me someone more senior!”

(I go and get the pharmacist who has been listening to the whole thing.)

Customer: “Finally, an adult who knows what they’re doing! How can you leave a child in charge of your chemist counter?”

Pharmacist: “Well, sir, [My Name] has passed all of her courses with the highest mark we’ve ever seen in this store, so I’m perfectly happy to let her deal with any queries, but as I’m here – what’s the problem?

Customer: *looking sheepish* “I’m allergic to tree pollen and want something for it.”

Pharmacist: “That’s called hay fever; try an antihistamine.”

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Allergic To Common Sense

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Methadone And Done

| UK | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests

(I work behind the chemist counter and a lot of addicts come in to get their methadone. This one turns up five minutes before closing.)

Customer: “Here you go.” *hands over her prescription*

Me: “Thanks, I’ll just go get the pharmacist for you.”

(Whilst she’s waiting she notices the slides we used to detach our counter-caches which store all of the notes.)

Customer: “What are those?”

Colleague: “Those get the counter-caches off for us, for cashing up.”

(The customer picks one up and starts playing with it.)

Me: “The pharmacist will be right out.”

Customer: “No problem. In the meantime I’d like one of these.” *hands me the slide for the counter-caches*

Me: *thinking she’s joking* “Um, sorry, I don’t think that’s allowed.”

Customer: “Don’t laugh at me! GIVE ME THE F****** COUNTER THING!”

(It escalated from there. She refused to leave the shop or take her methadone, and we had to call the police and stand there whilst she trashed the store. We ended up staying an hour late to clean it all up. The pharmacist rang her doctor and asked for her to be sent somewhere else for her methadone and possibly be given a stronger dose.)

Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 8

| QC, Canada | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Liars & Scammers

(I work at a small store that sell shoes and other kinds of items such as scarves and hats. The owner occasionally gives out gift cards to customers who have paid over 150$ on a single purchase. One day, a woman comes in with her husband.)

Me: “Good evening, ma’am. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I came here a week ago and bought a bunch of stuff; the owner gave me this.” *shows it to me*

Me: *confirms it is the gift cards we have* “Do you need help choosing which items you want to buy?”

Customer: *starts getting angry* “No, thanks. You can wait in the back.”

(I leave and wait near the cash registers. When she finally comes with her desired items, it consists of seven scarves and a baseball cap.)

Me: “Very well. Could you please hand me the gift card?”

Customer: *annoyed* “Can’t I just take these items and you keep the card?”

Me: “I need to make sure this card is legitimate, ma’am. It won’t take long, no worries.”

(The expiration date is over a year ago. The woman seems ready to start the argument at this point.)

Me: “Ma’am, the gift card is way beyond it’s expiration date and you’re going to have to pay with cash, check, or your credit card in order to receive those items.”

Customer: “So? I know the owner; I’ve been friends with her for a long time. She told me that I wouldn’t have to worry about the date and could come whenever I wanted!”

Me: “Would you mind if I called her to verify? Could I have your name, ma’am?”

Customer: *anxious* “Y-yeah, go ahead, I’m [Customer].”

(I call the owner.)

Me: “Hi, [Owner], this is [My Name]. There’s this woman here that has a gift card and the expiration date is [date]. She also claims to be one of your friends and her name is [Customer], and that because of that she’s able to use the card whenever without worrying about the expiration date.”

Owner: “If she were indeed my friend, she wouldn’t have received a card at all. Refuse the card and ask her to pay for it, or tell her to leave. Drama is one thing, and I don’t want it in my store.” *clicks*

Me: “I’m afraid the card is no longer valid. You’re going to have to pay with something else.”

Woman: *turns red* “T-this is UNACCEPTABLE! I’m never coming back to this store, and you can bet your a** that I will make it my life goal to make sure that THIS PLACE CLOSES!” *leaves*

Me: *tries not to laugh* “Have a nice day, ma’am!”

(She leaves but her husband hangs back to talk to me.)

Husband: “I knew it would turn out like this. She does this all the time when she sees an opportunity of getting free stuff.”

(I never saw them again.)

Related:
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 7
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 6
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 5

More Sour Than Sweet

| Eugene, OR, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “Do you carry sweet and sour sauce?”

Me: “I don’t think I have any left. Let’s go check the food section.”

(I check.)

Me: “No ,we don’t have any in.”

Customer: “Oh, this is actually a Christmas gift for her.” *points to someone who is in ear shot* “You have just ruined it for her!”

(I immediately have a bitchy inner monologue with myself, saying ‘I’m not a f****** mind reader; don’t take someone you are Christmas shopping for with you when you go!)

Customer: “Where can I go to get this sauce?”

Me: “The grocery store…” *walks away*

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