Stop, Look, Don’t Listen

| Canada | Health & Body, Theme Of The Month, Transportation

(I am leaving work in an unmarked uniform as I have recently been promoted from security guard to dispatcher. I still often help out our employee-access gate guards as the access gate can be very busy. I’ve just left our dispatch center where I had called 911 for an ambulance shortly before. As I get to the gate, there is a non-employee who is dressed like a plumber waiting for his daughter to be brought out from our health center. I can also hear the ambulance approaching so I start providing traffic control to allow the ambulance quick access to the property.)

Me: *to an employee coming in to work* “Step to the side, please!”

(The employee continues to approach without stopping and the ambulance is now visible with its emergency lights flashing.)


(The employee runs forward, only stopping when the ambulance almost runs his foot over.)

Me: *stopping the employee* “Excuse me. Did you not understand me?”

Employee: “What do you mean?

Me: “Did you not hear me telling you to stop, and motioning you to stay where you were to let the ambulance in?”

Employee: “Yeah, and I f****** stopped, didn’t I?”

Me: “No, you didn’t. I’ll ask you again. Did you not understand me?”

Employee: “Yeah, well, you were saying one thing and motioning with your hands. It wasn’t very clear. Why should I have to stop anyway? I would have made it ahead of the ambulance!”

Me: “I asked you to stop, and you didn’t stop. Is there something that makes you special so that you don’t have to stop for an ambulance on an emergency run? Can I see your ID card, please?”

Employee: “No. Who the f*** are you, anyway?”

(At this point, I let him see my company ID card with ‘Security and Loss Prevention’ written on it as my department.)

Employee: “Well, you weren’t very clear with what you wanted. Now f****** let me get to work.”

Me: “I asked for your ID card. Please give it to me.”

Employee: No. You didn’t make yourself clear and I shouldn’t have had to stop anyway.”

(The man waiting to pick his daughter up has been listening to this whole exchange and chimes in.)

Man: “Actually, a**hole, he was very clear about what you wanted. You were just a little s*** who didn’t listen.”

Employee: “F*** you. What the f*** do you want? You’re not involved here!”

Man: “He was very clear about what he wanted you to do. You were just a snot-nosed little s***head who didn’t want to listen. You’ve been nothing but an a**hole during this entire exchange.”

(At this point they are about ready to exchange blows and every security guard at the access post is ready to jump in. The man then reaches inside his shirt and pulls out his badge as well as pulling his ID card from his pocket.)

Man: “If it was up to me, I would arrest your a** right now because you deserve it. I’m already having a bad day and snot-nosed little brats like you just make it worse. So you are going to shut up and walk through the metal detector and go to work. I will personally be calling your supervisor to tell them what a snot-nosed s***head you are and that you chose to disregard the very clear directions of park security.”

(The employee immediately showed me his ID, and then turned around and went straight into work without ever saying another word. Turned out, the ‘plumber’ was a member of a local undercover drug squad who had been called off surveillance to pick his daughter up after she got sick.)

Common Sense Isn’t In The Cards

| USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Technology, Theme Of The Month

(I work at a grocery store that has a club card for ‘extra’ savings. Two customers come up with a six-case of wine. I ring them up.)

Me: “Ma’am, do you have a club card?”

Customer #1: “What is this?! You are charging me too much! Fix it!”

Me: “If you just swipe your club card, the price will drop. Do you have one?”

Customer #1: “You are overcharging me! Give me my money!”

Me: *calmly* “Do you have a club card?”

Customer #1: “I said give me the correct price NOW!”

Me: “Ma’am, you need to put in your club card number for the discount. Do you have—”

Customer #2: “Listen, girl, just give us the correct price!” *begins screaming in unison with friend*

Me: *being interrupted every other word* “I cannot give it to you without a club card. Would you like to sign up for one?”

(Eventually, I beckon my manager over and end up using one of our spare cards to show them the discount. He smoothes things over, but not before one of them tells him that I should be more polite. He pulls me aside to ask what happened.)

Me: “They wouldn’t let me even explain that they needed a club card for their discount.”

Boss: “Well, next time, just swipe it. And remember, just because you and I have common sense doesn’t mean they do.”

Very Slow To Register

| NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Time

(I’m heading to the only open checkout lane of a supermarket. A man in his mid-thirties, visibly in a rush and carrying only a single carton of milk, gets there only a moment after a little old lady carrying a basket with only two items in it.)

Old Lady: “Don’t worry, young man. I’ll be done very quickly.”

Man: *fidgeting* “No problem. Take your time.”

(The cashier rings up both items. The old lady whips out a coupon.)

Cashier: “I’m sorry, but this coupon is for a different brand of this item.”

Lady: “Oh, dear. Can you send somebody to switch it out for me?”

(It’s a few minutes before a stock-boy shows up with the correct brand. The man is getting more and more antsy and frustrated as he watches the cashier void the previous item and ring up the new one.)

Cashier: “That’ll be [new total].”

Old Lady: “Oh, dear. I almost forgot. I have another coupon here.”

(It’s a manufacturer’s coupon. It doesn’t go through and takes a manager to come and help the cashier ring it in. By now the man’s face is turning red and he’s practically gnawing on his wallet out of frustration from waiting.)

Cashier: “I’m so sorry, sir. We’re almost done.”

Man: “Yep, no problem.”

Cashier: *to old lady* “Okay, the total is [newest total].”

Old Lady: *looking through her purse* “Oh, dear…” (A moment later she produces a checkbook.)

Old Lady: “Who do I make it out to?”

Man: *screaming* “God d*** it!”

(With that, he hurls the carton of milk at a wall, where it explodes and sends milk cascading all over the wall and the front of the store.  The man storms out leaving a stream of profanity in his wake. We all watch this in stunned silence. A few moments later the old lady pulls her hand out of her pocket.)

Old Lady: “Oh, never mind. Here’s a $5 bill. Had it all along! Silly me…”

Done With This Business

| Australia | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

(I am second in line at a deli. Deli servers aren’t allowed to stop serving someone unless they’re absolutely sure a customer is done.)

Deli Worker: *to first customer* “That’s 500 grams. Is that all today?”

Customer: *playing with phone, says nothing*

Deli Worker: *turns, wraps the item, and hands it to the customer* “Is that all today?”

Customer: *not looking up, slowly walks away*

(The worker’s eyes follow the customer until she’s completely out of the line.)

Deli Worker: “Aaaaaand… that’s a yes.” *turns to me, mirroring my bemused face* “Hi.”

Just Grit Your Teeth And Smile

| MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

Customer: *looking over a menu* “Anything on your menu can be made vegan, right?”

Me: “Well, most of it. Actually if it can be there will be a capital V next to the name.”

Customer: “So the grits are vegan?”

Me: “No, but they can be made vegetarian.”

Customer: “I’ll have the grits.”

Me: “They’re vegetarian, not vegan.”

Customer: “You’ve had the grits for awhile?”

Me: “Yes and they’re not vegan.”

Customer: “I’d like the grits.”

Me: *sighs*

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