When You Know It’s Time To Re-Tire

| Boston, MA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Transportation

(My car has suddenly died with no warning, and I manage to get it pulled to the side of the road before I lose momentum. I call AAA to request a tow, and, since it’s absolutely pouring and I’m on a street running through a park (no houses or shops), I sit in my car while I wait – for over an hour and a half. When the driver shows up, it’s the same guy who always comes to haul my car away when it misbehaves (now four times in three years), so we joke with each other a bit.)

Driver: “Man, if I’d known it was you sitting here waiting I would’ve told the last lady she could suck it!”

Me: *surprised* “Why? What was wrong with her car?”

Driver: “She called it in as multiple flat tires, and when I got there, you know what it was?”

Me: “No…?”

Driver: “They were just really bald and she was afraid to drive it in this rain! She had me tow her home!”

Me: “Let me guess. Luxury car.”

Driver: “Got it in one.”

(So, lady who wasted that guy’s time and made me even later for work, may you have an actual problem someday and have to wait – and wait – and WAIT!)

Can’t Put A Dollar Value On Such Stupidity

| Centereach, NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

(I work in a store that only sells items for $1. There are signs that everything is only $1 all around. This customer came up to me and pointed to one of the products.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, you can most certainly help me. I’m looking around and I don’t see any price tags.”

Me: “You do know what store this is right?”

Customer: “Yes, this is [Dollar Store Name] and I’d like to know the name of this product.”

(I sighed and pointed to the sign that said that everything was a dollar.)

Customer: “Well, why didn’t you just say that?”

Giving The Scammers Too Much Credit

| ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Money

(I’m the assistant of an accountant for a company that takes credit card numbers over the phone and processes them on another day. One customer’s credit card doesn’t go through so I call and leave a message saying I need verification and to call me back at the store’s number.)

Customer: “I’m calling back because of a message that my credit card payment didn’t go through.”

Me: “Yep, it happens. Sometimes we just write the number down incorrectly, Would you be able to verify your card number?”

Customer: “Well, how do I know you’re not a scammer?”

Me: “You called us, plus when I answered I said who we were.”

Customer: “But you could just be faking it to get my information.”

Me: “The invoice said you ordered [Thing] on [the date she got it] and [Coworker] took your order?”

Smoking Away The American Dream

| WV, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Wild & Unruly

(A family walks in and gets some cigarettes and snacks. They walk to their vehicle and after ten minutes, the father, who was pretty rude earlier, walks back inside.)

Me: “Hello.”

Customer: “I need a new pack of cigarettes.”

Me: “Okay, sir, which kind?”

Customer: *tells me name of the cigarettes*

(I go to ring them up, at which point he stops me.)

Customer: “No, no, no! I want to exchange the ones I just bought for those!”

Me: “Okay, sir, may I have the other pack?”

(The customer hands me the opened, and half-gone pack of cigarettes.)

Me: “Sir, once these are opened, I am not allowed to return or exchange them.”

Customer: *angrily* “THIS IS AMERICA!”

(I am slightly thrown off and just stare for a moment. He widens his eyes and tilts his head forward wanting a response.)

Me: “Sir, I know this is America, but with THAT logic, I can go to a bank, rob it, scream ‘THIS IS AMERICA,’ and run out with no repercussions. This IS most definitely America, but we have rules and policies here that we still have to follow.”

Customer:“I have the receipt!!”

Me: *knowing full-well he declined the receipt when I offered it to him* “Sir, even with a receipt I cannot return an opened and incomplete item to the shelf.”

Customer: “Give me my receipt!”

(I print it out and hand it to him. He leaves and his son enters.)

Son: “I need to exchange these.” *lays receipt on counter*

(At this point I am very agitated.)

Me: “Sir, I cannot exchange or return open and incomplete items.”

Son: “But I have a receipt!”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry but it doesn’t matter. The cigarettes are open and several have been taken out. All I can do is ring up a new pack.”

Son: “Can I have my money back for these, then?”

Me: “No, sir, the pack is opened and some are missing.”

Son: “Well, I’ll just keep the pack. You just give me my money!”

Me: “That’s not how this works. I can’t give you a refund and let you keep the pack. But I can’t give you a refund on incomplete and used items anyway.”

(At this point THE WHOLE family comes in and is yelling at me in another language, screaming occasionally ‘This is America!’ and ‘I know my rights!’)

Son: “We want to see the policy that states you can’t take these back and give us a refund.”

Me: “It isn’t written anywhere. It’s common sense.”

Son: “I want to speak to a manager!”

(Only one person is on shift at a time. Managers are not on site either.)

Me: “No managers are currently on site, sir.”

(This is also at 12 am and we are directed to leave any complaining customers with the store phone number and a time when managers will be available.)

Son: “Then give me their personal number!”

Me: “At 12 am? Sir, I can guarantee if you call them at 12 am, you will not get what you are wanting. Besides, we are not allowed to give customers personal numbers. I can give you the store number and a time when a manager will be available, but that’s really all I can do.”

Son: “I’m calling the cops, then.”

Me: “That’s fine. Please do.”

Son: “You are a horrible employee!”

Me: “Tell me, would YOU buy a pack of cigarettes that was ready opened? Or want to even use a pack of cigarettes that someone you know nothing about opened and touched?”

Son: “…no.”

Me: “Exactly. So why would you expect someone else to do the same?”

Son: “THIS IS AMERICA!”

Insufficient Data To Handle Any Alternative

| Canada | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Movies & TV, Technology

(I work as tech support over the phone for an Internet company. I cannot get the customer’s modem back online and need to book a technician to get the service up and running. Unfortunately it’s a Friday, and the next available tech isn’t until Monday.)

Customer: “Well, this is just great! Now I’m going to have to use my cell phone to watch movies all weekend, and that’s going to use up all my data! You need to give me a credit to cover my extra data usage!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t have the ability to give you a credit for your cell phone data plan.”

Customer: “So now I won’t have Internet all weekend, and my data’s all going to get used up to watch movies!”

Me: “I do have you on the priority cancellation list, so they will call you if another appointment does open up before then. If it does, they’ll call you and make sure the time works for you; they won’t just come out without any notice. But of course I can’t guarantee a spot will open up.”

Customer: “That’s great, but what about my data?”

Me: “Well… You don’t have to watch movies on your cell phone.”

Customer: “No, I do! I don’t have any choice! My Internet’s down so the only way I have to watch movies is on my cell!”

Me: “No, I mean you don’t have to watch any movies.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “I mean, I understand your Internet’s not working and if you watch movies on your cell it’ll be a big hit to your data plan. But you don’t have to actually watch movies.”

Customer: “What do you mean? I only have my cell. It’s the only connection that’s working right now.”

Me: “You don’t have to watch movies. You could do something else.”

Customer: “I don’t understand what you mean.”

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