Ignoring The Elephant In The Room

| Corning, NY, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

(I’m a cashier at a local store. A man and a boy about seven walk in.)

Me: “Did you know you have a sticker of an elephant on your back?”

Customer #1: “Yeah, my son here put something on my back a moment ago before walking in. I thought it was one of those ‘kick me’ signs.”

Me: *laughing* “Nope, just an elephant.”

(Overhearing, another customer walks over:)

Customer #2: “Maybe it’s opening its mouth.”

(Customer #1 gets a very confused look on his face and very slowly turns around, obviously trying to understand what Customer #2 meant, as was I.)

Customer #2: “What?”

(Pauses.)

Customer #2: “You know, to say ‘kick me?'”

H2-Slow, Part 7

| MA, USA | Extra Stupid

(I work at a well known children’s clothing store. It is Christmas Eve. A woman picks up a rain jacket and walks up to ask me a question.)

Customer: “Is this water resistant?”

Me: “It’s a raincoat.”

Customer: “Yes, but is it water resistant?”

Me: “Well, it’s a raincoat so it’s kind of meant to be worn when there’s water.”

Customer: “Oh, I see; it’s a raincoat… So, is it water resistant?”

Related:
H2Slow, Part 6
H2Slow, Part 5
H2Slow, Part 4

Didn’t Make New Calendar Year Resolution

| USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

(I am the manager for a seasonal kiosk at my city’s mall. I’ve been out sick for the last couple of days with a plethora of very unpleasant infections, and though I am no longer contagious, thanks to my medication, I am still in a lot of pain. It’s the day before Christmas Eve when I get a phone call from one of my employees.)

Employee: “We’ve got a gentleman who isn’t happy with our return policy and wants to talk to a manager.”

Me: “Okay, put him on the phone.”

Employee: “Sir, if you would like to talk to my boss, she’s—”

Customer: *in the background* “I want to talk to her in person.”

Employee: “Sir, my boss is sick. She can’t—”

Customer: “In person!”

(The customer continues to insist that he will only talk to the manager in person. After he is informed that I am sick and that I live 45 minutes away from the store, he says he will wait for me to come in and that he will not leave my employee to do her job until he has spoken to a manager in person. I drive to the mall to talk to him, though thankfully by now security guards have relocated him to the mall management office.)

Me: “Hello, sir. I’m the manager for [Kiosk]. What can I do for you today?”

Customer: “Your return policy is crap. I want to return this calendar and get my money back but your employee won’t let me.”

(He holds up a calendar that has already been opened.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but our return policy states that we cannot do refunds on opened merchandise.”

Customer: “It’s a store policy! You’re the store manager! You can let me return it.”

Me: “I can’t do that. It’s a corporate policy.”

Customer: “I want my money back!”

(He shoves the calendar at me; I see that it is one of our $8 sale calendars; most of our products are $15. I also see that not only is it open, he has also written on some of the squares for January.)

Me: “…You’ve already written on this.”

Customer: “I’m not happy with my purchase! I want my money back!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but corporate’s return policy will not allow me to issue a cash refund for opened merchandise that has been written on. If you would like to take this up with corporate, I can get you our corporate customer service number.”

Customer: “No! You WILL give me my money back RIGHT NOW.”

(He then proceeds to start swearing. Having had more than enough of this, I turn to leave, and he actually makes a grab for me! One of the security guards intercepts him before he can touch me.)

Security Guard: “Oh, no, you don’t.”

Customer: “This isn’t fair! I want my money back! The customer is always right! You were supposed to back down after I yelled at you in person!”

(He kept this up while one of the other security guards called the cops. As he was still going at it when they arrived, the cops ended up arresting him… all over an $8 calendar. Merry Christmas, jerk.)