Not As Easy As ABC, 123

| Crystal Lake, IL, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

Patient: “I’m picking up some meds. My name is [Name].”

Me: “I have three prescriptions here for you today. Is that correct?”

Patient: “I think so. Can you show them to me?”

Me: “Sure”

(I pull out three bottles from the bag and show all three to the patient.)

Patient: “Okay, where’s the third one?”

Me: “I just showed you all three. What are you talking about?”

(I hold each one up and count as I go along. I get to three and he still looks confused.)

Patient: “I thought you said I had three… I don’t see the third one!”

Me: “I just showed you three bottles! What are you talking about?! Do you know how to count?!”

Patient: “Oh… okay. I’ll take your word for it but I still don’t think there’s three here”

Need To Wake Up Then Make Up

| NM, USA | Awesome Customers, Hotels & Lodging

(I’m a 20-year-old female working the graveyard shift at the hotel. Two rather intoxicated men come in around 1 am. They are about 50 and 60 years old and they are around the little gift shop that we have near the front desk.)

Older Gentleman: “Man, I don’t know what I want, but I’m hungry.”

Me: “Not a problem.”

(I show him the frozen meals and such that we have.)

Older Gentleman: “Thanks. Can I get a wake up call at 6:30 in the morning?”

Me: “Sure…”

Younger Gentleman: “That’s bulls***. We have to be out of here by six in the morning.”

Older Gentleman: “You can leave at six. I ain’t getting up till 6:30.”

(The younger gentleman walks into the store, grabs a box of tampons, and hands it to the older gentleman.)

Younger Gentleman: “Here. Take two of these now and if you are still acting like a little b**** in the morning call me.”

Older Gentleman: *laughs and throws the tampons back at him*

Younger Gentleman: *to me* “Set this drunkard’s wake up call for 5:45, 6:00, and 6:15.”

Older Gentleman: *to me* “Yeah, whatever the little b**** boss says is fine. He’s my ride to the site.”

(They are both laughing as they walk away to their rooms after purchasing some food and drinks. The whole time I was trying not to laugh as I was dealing with them. Later, just before I go home, they both come down to talk to me.)

Older Gentleman: “I’m sorry about last night.  I’m hung over but wanted to apologize for possibly offending you.”

Me: “That’s okay. I thought it was funny. Made my night to see you two acting like that.”

(I hadn’t laughed that hard at work in a long time so I took pity on them both and gave them some painkillers for their hangovers before they had to go to work.)

Not Even Remotely Close, Part 3

| Columbus, OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work for a large cable company, and we leave our personal number after an install so customers can call us with questions. I get a call from a customer while on a lunch break.)

Me: “Hello. This is [Name] with [Company].”

Customer: “Yes! You installed my cable a few weeks ago, and something is going on! Your box is broken, and it broke my TV!”

Me: “Okay… So, what exactly is happening?”

Customer: “I push the power button on the remote, and nothing turns on!”

(This is a common problem that’s easily fixed by simply pushing a different button on the remote.)

Me: “Oh! All you have to do is push [cable] button and then hit your power button, and it should turn back on. You might have dropped your remote and un-programmed it. It’s an easy fix!”

Customer: “I tried that. It’s not working!”

(I am thinking I’ll have to drive out and help this customer push a different button on the remote, when suddenly, it hits me.)

Me: “Ma’am… when you hit the buttons on your remote, do they light up at all?”

Customer: “No! They don’t do anything! I push and push and nothing happens!”

Me: “Ma’am, your remote just needs new batteries.”

Customer: “Well, how was I supposed to know that? Don’t you just mail me a new one?”

Me: “Sorry, no. Enjoy your day, and thanks for choosing [Company].”

(Later, I found out she called my manager, and he had some poor soul run her out a new remote.)

Related:
Not Even Remotely Close, Part 2
Not Even Remotely Close

In Too Deep (Voice)

, | Canada | At The Checkout, Health & Body

(I’m a fairly feminine looking guy and my voice is relatively high. Sometimes I get mistaken for a girl. I’m checking a lady out at the register.)

Customer: “You have beautiful eyes. Has anyone ever told you that?”

Me: “Thank you! That’s very kind of you!”

Customer: “I see you here all the time and you’re so friendly and fun to talk to. I’d love to speak with your manager about your excellent service!”

Me: “Wow! Thank you so much! Unfortunately my manager isn’t in today, though. I think she’ll be in tomorrow.”

Customer: “All right, then. I’ll give the store a call tomorrow to speak with her. What’s your name, Miss?”

Me: “Sam.”

Customer: “Your full name?”

Me: “… Samuel.”

Customer: “… Oh.”

Me: *quietly, trying to make my voice a little deeper* “Would you like your receipt?”

Hair + Arm = Harem

| Sacramento, CA, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

(My uniform exposes my arms that, for a woman, are hairy.)

Customer: “Wow, you have hairy arms.”

Me: *embarrassed* “Um, yeah.”

Customer: “I love women with hairy arms.”

(He grabs my arm and feels it. I am shocked, and start backing away from him.)

Customer: “Would you like to join my harem of hairy women?”

(At that point I abandoned my post and ran to my manager. When we came back the customer was gone.)

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