I Used To Work Here, Does Not Work Here

| NJ, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

(I’m currently shopping at a department store. I did in fact work in this store… more than ten years ago. Since then it has renovated twice, totally reorganizing the layout and expanding the tiny grocery section to nearly full supermarket size, but because I shop there so often I know my way around. I also have long hair, for a male, that I keep well washed and trimmed in a ponytail.)

Customer #1: “Excuse me, I know you don’t work here, but do you know where [products] are?”

Me: “Last I saw them, they were down just on the other side of the produce stuff.”

Customer #1: “Thank you!”

(Another customer approaches after this exchange.)

Customer #2: “Wait, you work here?”

Me: “Not for about a decade, no.”

Customer #2: “Then why did you help her?”

Me: “Because she asked and I knew?”

Customer #2: “Well, that’s horribly rude of you! You’re taking away the jobs of the people that still work!”

Me: “No, I was saving someone the hassle of either finding an employee, or buzzing for one and having to wait.”

Customer #2: “That’s still the employees’ job! And what, you quit a decade ago and you’re still not working?!”

Me: *laughing at this point* “Are you serious? WHY would you think that?!”

Customer #2: “That ridiculous hair of yours, for one. You look like a slob!”

Me: “Funny, that’s not what the CEO of the company said when he was congratulating me on my promotion to the manager of the shipping department where I work now. Now, do YOU need help finding anything? Or can I get back to getting my groceries?”

(I’m not sure whether she was more astounded by the fact that I ‘dared’ talk back to her, or that I was calm yet laughing the whole time, but she was still giving me a death glare when I went to go about my business!)

Some Customers Really Need To Change

| CT, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Money

(I work as a cashier in a small grocery store. An older woman comes to my register with two gallons of milk and some bread.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am, your total comes to $10.08.”

Customer: “I only have ten dollars!” *waves a ten dollar bill in my face*

Me: “You know what? I’ll just pay the difference for you, since you’re a regular.”

Customer: “Fine.”

(I take a quarter out of my pocket, complete the transaction, drop the change in my pocket, and hand her the milk.)

Me: “Have a great day, ma’am!”

Customer: “Where is my change? The screen says my change is 17 cents.”

Me: “Well, since I used a quarter to pay just the eight cents I took the rest of the change back.”

Customer: “You should give it to me! You’re stealing from me, you little b****! Let me talk to your manager!”

(She continues to yell at me and my manager for a few minutes, calling us evil thieves.)

Manager: “No one is stealing from you, ma’am. She didn’t even need to pay the difference on your total.”

Customer: “I’m never coming back here again!”

(She storms out.)

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Fishing For A Fisherman

| FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, History

(I am working at the seafood counter of my store when a little old lady walks up.)

Old Lady: “Did you catch these fish yourself?”

Me: *thinking she’s joking* “Heh, good one.”

Old Lady: “Well? Did you?”

Me: “… No, ma’am.”

Old Lady: “Well, which one of the people here did catch them?”

Me: “No one here caught them, ma’am.”

Old Lady: “You mean you didn’t catch them locally? What kind of fisherman are you?”

Me: “I’m not a fisherman, ma’am. I’m a retail employee, as is everyone else here. Also, we’re right in the middle of the Florida peninsula, 45 miles to the ocean in either direction. And I couldn’t tell you anything about the fish living in local lakes or rivers, but I’m betting they’re not good to eat.”

Old Lady: “Well, then how did you get these fish?!”

Me: “They were farm-raised in Vietnam, frozen, shipped overseas, and driven here in a refrigerated truck.”

Old Lady: “What’s happening to America?! When I was a little girl, we used to go down to all the Mom-and-Pop general stores and buy fresh fish, caught right here in God’s country!”

Me: “Mom-and-Pop general stores don’t exist anymore, ma’am. My company had Mom and Pop locked up and burned their store to the ground.”

Needs To Clean Out More Than The Hard Drive

| NV, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Rude & Risque, Technology

(I work in the electronics section of a home store. I deal mostly with computers, tablets, and the like. A customer is having troubles setting up a computer after purchasing it the previous day. He needs to do a local account reset so the computer can be used like new. I tell him to come back down to the store, because it would be easier to show him how to do it. The customer in question is probably in his 80s. I am a girl in my 20s. My coworker, who is also a girl in her 20s, is standing next to me.)

Customer: *smelling of stale cigarettes and other things* “Hi, I spoke to you on the phone about my computer.”

Me: “Yes, of course. Go ahead and take your computer out and we will plug it in and take care of your issues. Other than the problem that you spoke to me about do you have any questions?”

Customer: “No, I just want to download some things and it won’t let me without a password.”

(I proceed to walk the customer through the steps of resetting the computer, adding accounts, changing passwords, and installing software. All this time I have been touching the computer and inputting the customer’s information so that we can get him out the door. He has me download one last thing and right when we are about to finish up he asks me another normal question.)

Customer: “So, can you show me how to delete files and emails? It has been a long time and this computer is different from my other one.”

Me: “Sure, not a problem. Do you know where your files are located in the computer?”

Coworker: *standing next to me* “Here, they might be located in this section.”

(She looks through the computer, but can’t seem to find anything so I resume my search.)

Customer: “Well, they are more so movies than files….”

(I see where this is going and I sort of freeze up.)

Customer: “Yeah, I was watching a lot of porn last night and I can’t seem to get it off of my computer.”

(I am now slowly removing my hands from the keyboard and suddenly realizing that it didn’t look like he had cleaned the computer before he brought it in. My coworker’s face has gone pale and she slowly walks away from the department to wash her hands. I stand there wishing I could do the same.)

Customer: “Yeah, I was watching a lot of stuff last night and I came across some things that I don’t know if I really wanted to see and now I want you to delete them for me.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “So can you do that, too?”

Me: “No… sir. I can’t attempt to access anything of that… er… nature. If something were to pop up unexpectedly I could be fired… or we could be sued.”

(My coworker has come back and that point and reiterates to the customer what I just said about things of that nature.)

Customer: “Oh… okay. I really wish you could do that for me….”

(He proceeds to ask me to do more and more things as I just sit there stunned that he allowed me to touch his computer knowing what he had done. He refused to type in anything after that. He finally ran out of questions to ask me and started putting his computer away. As he walked away I immediately booked it to the bathroom and scoured my hands with soap and water and then proceeded to empty a bottle of hand sanitizer on them. I then walk to tell my manager what happened, so that I could ask him what I should do if that situation ever occurred again.)

Manager: “The next time that happens, tell him you can’t help him because his computer is now classified as a biohazard.”

Maybe He Was Looking For A Raspberry Pi

| ME, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Technology, Theme Of The Month

(I own my own little computer repair shop, and lease it in a building next door to a restaurant. Though it is rare, I do sometimes get people who come into my shop by mistake looking for the restaurant because it offers to order out its food, and often this problem is resolved by me giving them directions to next door. My shop is very much so obviously a computer repair shop with only a desk to drop of your computer and a few displays with replacement parts. I am behind the drop off desk checking which order to work on next, when a customer comes in.)

Me: “Oh, hi there. Here to pick up an order?”

Customer: “Yup, I had a order for Ted.”

Me: *I look up my database and find no orders for Ted.* “Umm, is it perhaps under any other name, or last name?”

Customer: “No, I definitely put it under Ted.”

Me: “Hmm, well what did you get done on your system? Maybe I can find it that way?”

Customer: “Oh I ordered a large pepperoni, well done, with some hot wings.”

Me: “You mean, like the food?”

Customer: “…duh! You work in a restaurant. What do you think is here?”

Me: “No, as you can see…” *I point around my shop* “I run a small computer repair shop.”

Customer: “Don’t give me that bull-s***! I’m the husband of the owner and if you don’t get me my order I’ll have you fired!”

(I am amused by this, because since we’ve been neighbors for a few years I know for sure the owner of the restaurant is indeed a woman, but is also a same sex couple with her partner.)

Me: “Really now? I heard she and her husband broke up.”

Customer: “No, we didn’t. We’re a loving man and wife. Now get me my d*** food, now!”

Me: “Sorry. I just can’t do that. It goes against my policies.”

Customer: “I want to speak to your manager, now!”

(I call the restaurant and ask if the owner could come over real quick. She does.)

Owner: “What seems to be—” *comes in and stops almost immediately. at the sight of the customer.*

Customer: “You’re not the manager of [Restaurant]. You’re just the stupid c*** that thinks you’re clever. I wanna speak to the owner, now!

Owner: “For the last time, you stupid dolt, this is not [Other Restaurant]. Stop coming to my store and yelling at my employees and customers!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but you’ll have to leave now.”

Customer: “Screw this s***! You’re all stupid f***s! You can all go to h***! I’ll never eat at [Other Restaurant] again! I’ll have your jobs, too!”

(Both Owner and I were left dumbfounded by the stupidity of this customer. Lucky for me, though, I got a free sandwich for having to deal with the stupid dolt!)

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