I’m Just Not That Kind Of Program!

| ON, Canada | Right | September 2, 2015

(A customer has come in and noticed that we are now using Windows 10. He asks about Cortana, the voice activated assistant, so I give him a brief demo.)

Me: “So you can just say ‘Hey, Cortana,’ and then tell her what you want her to do. Give it a try!”

Customer: “Hey, ‘Cantina!’ Drop Your Dress!”

Me: “Maybe you should try it when you get home…”

Caller Bit Off More Than He Could Chew

| Australia | Right | September 2, 2015

(I work in a medical research institute, and the colleague sitting next to me handles recruitment for a large trial, so her name and phone number are on all the promotional material we hand out. She has a beautiful phone manner and I’ve never heard her say a harsh word to anyone. The phone rings.)

Colleague: “[Discipline] Research Centre, this is [Colleague]. How may I help you?”

(Pause.)

Colleague: *sweetly* “Well, sir, if you shoved you big throbbing c*** in my mouth, I’d bite it off. Will that be all?”

1 Thumbs
1,221
VOTES

Rude? Yeah, Whatever

| USA | Right | September 2, 2015

(I’m a new administrative assistant at an established private accounting firm. Since I’m new, I can’t recognize any clients by voice over the phone.)

Me: “Good morning. [Accounting Firm]. How may I help you?”

Client: *sounding far away like he’s on speaker* “Yeah, whatever, this is [Very common first name].”

(I wait a few seconds for him to continue, to give me a last name or some identifying information like most of our callers do.)

Client: “Hellooo? Hey!”

Me: “Yes, sir, how can I help you?”

Client: “Yeah, whatever, this is [Very common first name].”

(I don’t bother waiting again and respond immediately.)

Me: “How may I help you?”

Client: “Helloooo? Hey! Can you even hear me?”

Me: “Yes, sir; can you hear me?”

Client: *now sounding like he’s off speaker and holding the phone* “Yeah, look, I got my taxes did by you and I was wondering when you guys might possibly be contemplating considering the possibility of sending in my taxes.”

Me: “Um… okay, well, I’m just an administrative assistant; I don’t work on anyone’s taxes so I’m not sure. Do you know which accountant worked with you?”

Client: *heavy sigh* “Yeah, I guess, maybe Jessica, or Erica, or Stephanie?”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t have anyone here by any of those names.”

Client: “What about [about 15 different names in rapid succession]?”

Me: “I’m sorry, no.”

Client: “Well, what about [One of our accountant’s name]?”

Me: “Yes, we have an accountant by that name.”

Client: “Give her to me; let me talk to her.”

Me: “Uh, sure, let me see if she’s available. Hold, please.”

(I page the accountant and explain what’s happened so far.)

Accountant: *laughs* “Oh, you mean Rudy?”

Me: “Rudy? He said his name was [Very common first name].”

Accountant: “Yeah, but I call him Rudy. Not to his face, of course. But I do it because he’s so rude. Get it?”

Me: *giggles* “Yeah, I get it. Do you want me to send him through or to your voicemail?”

Accountant: “Oh, voicemail him. I’m having a good day and I don’t want to talk to Rudy right now; he’d just ruin it.”

(I switch back to the call line.)

Me: “Thank you for holding. I’m sorry, but [Accountant] is unavailable. Would you—”

Client: “Yeah, whatever, my name is [Very common first name] and I’m wondering when you might be considering to contemplate—”

(I cut him off by sending the call to the accountant’s voice mail without another word. Later she calls me into her office, laughing so hard she’s in tears, and plays the message “Rudy” left.)

Voicemail: “Yeah, whatever, this is [Very common first name] and I began to suspect I might wonder when you would possibly consider the possibility of maybe contemplating thinking about sending my taxes in.”

(There’s a solid minute-long pause.)

Voicemail: “So, yeah, whatever.” *hangs up*

Accountant: “God, I love Rudy. He’s such a little p****!”

Politely Decline

| Hebron, CT, USA | Right | September 2, 2015

I am selling homemade fudge to raise money for my Girl Scout Troop. People tend to ignore us, so I need to act excessively cheerful and polite to even get an acknowledgement. As a result, it’s fairly obvious that at least a little of my cheer is feigned, but I’m still our best seller. An old lady walks past our booth on her way into a grocery store and I launch into my usual spiel.)

Me: “Hi! Would you like to help support our Girl Scout Troop on our trip to Sweden? We’re selling delicious homemade fudge!”

(The elderly lady walks past me saying nothing.)

Me: “Have a nice day!”

(This is a totally typical exchange, until the same lady walks back out of the grocery store.)

Me: “Have a GREAT day!!”

Lady: *furiously* “You know, I was just about to donate some money on my way out. But you were so ABSOLUTELY RUDE that I won’t give you any money.”

Me: *stunned, trying not to stutter or cry* “I… apologize? I’m really sorry; I didn’t realize I said anything rude.”

Lady: “Of course you did! I can’t believe how hateful you are. I wouldn’t give you any money now even if you were polite!” *stomps away*

(I’m still not sure how she thought I was insulting her. Maybe I was being so polite it wrapped back around and became rudeness instead!)

Little Car, Big Idiot

| IL, USA | Right | September 2, 2015

Me: “Hello, sir, what can I do for you today?”

Customer: “I need wiper blades.”

Me: “For what kind of car?”

Customer: “Jeep.”

Me: “…What kind of jeep?”

(Blank stare.)

Me: “Is it a Cherokee, Wrangler, Patriot?”

Customer: “It’s one of the little ones.”

Page 938/3,763First...936937938939940...Last