Putting The High Into Hiring

| UK | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal

Customer: *bloodshot eyes and stinking of weed* “Hi. I’m looking for a gardening book.”

Me: “Okay. Our gardening section is right here. Was there are a particular book you were after?”

Customer: “I’m wanting one that teaches you how to grow drugs.”

Bookseller: “Like medicinal herbs? We have a few titles on natural remedies in our health sec—”

Customer: “Nah, I mean like cannabis.”

Bookseller: “Er… there are titles on that subject but they are only sold in our Amsterdam stores. I can’t legally sell them in this country.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. You guys hiring?”

Returns From The Dead

, | Pasadena, MD, USA | Crazy Requests, Money, Technology, Transportation

(At the auto parts store I work for we offer free battery charging for any car/truck/boat batteries as long as they do not test bad.)

Customer: “I’d like to get this battery charged please.”

Me: “Okay, let me just test it real quick.”

(This battery looks like crap, but it’s not leaking so I go ahead and test it.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but this battery is not good. It has a bad cell in it. I can’t charge it.”

Customer: “What do you mean it’s bad?! This battery is pretty much new. You need to charge anyway.”

Me: “Not gonna happen. It is actually dangerous if I try to charge this.”

Customer: “I demand you charge this right NOW!”

Me: “No. Your battery is dead; no amount of charging is going to bring it back. You will need to get a replacme—”

Customer: “I SAID, CHARGE IT!”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Well, I demand to—”

Me: “I am the manager. I will NOT charge this battery. It has a bad cell, and there is no way this battery is anywhere near new. Judging by the inch worth of grease around the case and the ungodly level of corrosion on the terminals, I would say this battery is at least 7-8 years old. And If I were to attempt to charge this over sized paperweight, there is a chance it could explode and cause serious damage to the people around it.”

Customer: “But—”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “But—”

Me: “Not happening.”

Customer: “Crap… but I can’t afford a new battery.”

Me: “Look, give me a chance to check the back. We do have a used battery program, and I may have one in stock.”

(I walk in the back and find a used battery that fits the customer’s car.)

Me: “I found this one in the back. Now it is classified as used, but that just means that someone returned a battery with no problems to it, but we can no longer sell it new.”

Customer: *brightens* “Really? How much?”

Me: “$43.”

Customer: “Really? That’s great! I was worried that I was going to have to spend hundreds on a new battery. Thank you so much!” *buys battery and leaves*

Me: *to coworker* “Why do people always demand we bring dead things back to life?”

Coworker: “I don’t know, but let me know when you figure out how to do that.”

Dislocated Their Brain

| ON, Canada | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Geography

(I’m the dumb customer in this one. My family and I are at a hardware store, and have discovered that they don’t have any more of the item we want. The salesperson is looking up if any other stores in the area have it.)

Salesperson: “So [Location #1] has two, [Location #2] has six, and [Location #3] has sixteen.”

Me: “What about [Location #4]?”

Salesperson: “Um… that’s the location you’re in right now.”

Mom: *to me* “Long day, honey?”

A Chequered Credit History

| GA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money

(We had just stopped taking checks the day before. A customer walks in, and starts writing a check.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We don’t accept checks. You can pay with cash, or a debit or credit card.”

Customer: “Do you know who I am? My family has owned ALL of the pharmacies here in town for the last hundred years!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Our system won’t allow checks. You’ll have to pay with another option.”

Customer: “My family has more money than this whole mall!”

(The customer then pulls out a credit card to pay.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Your card was declined.”

(The customer walked out of the store without saying another word.)

The Tongue Has Eyes

| Peabody, MA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I present a diner our menu, which does not contain any photos.)

Customer: “How am I supposed to know what the food tastes like if there’s no pictures?”

Me: “Uh…”

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