(Trans)Late To Understanding

| Virum, Denmark | Language & Words, Technology

(We run a tech support channel. Unlike traditional channels, we allow anybody and everybody to ask and receive answers. The popularity of the channel forced us to bring in a bot which tells the user to speak English in their own language if they are speaking a non-English language. The user is from Colombia.)

User: *in Spanish* “Hi, my game is broken. Can you help?”

Bot: *in Spanish* “This is an English-only channel. Try Google Translate if you need translations to English.”

User: *in German* “Hi, my game is broken. Can you help?”

Bot: *in German* “This is an English-only channel. Try Google Translate if you need translations to English.”

(The user disconnects.)

Another User: “I wonder which part of “this channel is English only” doesn’t he get?”

Caribbean There, Done That

| London, England, UK | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Geography

(I’m a volunteer lunch-server in a nursing home, but I’ve spent the last month working in the south of France. I’ve picked up a slight tan, but usually my skin is as white as it gets. One lady stares at me oddly as I bring her her food.)

Lady: “Where are you from?”

Me: “From here, ma’am. I live a few roads away.”

Lady: “No, I mean where were you born?”

Me: “Finchley, originally, but I moved—”

Lady: “No, no, no. Where are you from?”

Me: “Uh. London, ma’am. Britain.”

Lady: “And your parents?”

Me: “Also from London.”

Lady: *squints at me* “No, you’re lying. There’s no shame in being Jamaican, you know. You can tell me.”

Me: “I… What?”

Driving Thru Justice

, | Springfield, MO, USA | Awesome Workers, Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Top

(I work at a fairly popular fast-food restaurant. Our location is right next to three different college campuses, so our main customers are a lot of students and teachers in-between classes. This, of course, means our fast service is super-essential, especially in the middle of a rush-hour lunch period.)

Me: “Thank you for choosing [Fast Food]! How does a [Burger] sound today?”

Customer: “What sounds good is a moment to order. Just wait a second.”

Me: “Okie-dokie, just holla as soon as you’re ready to—”

Customer: “Will you shut the f*** up and let me f****** decide?!”

Me:  *shocked* “Um, okay. I—”

Customer: “Um, um, um! BE QUIET. I AM TRYING TO ORDER!”

(I stay quiet for four minutes, until she speaks again.)

Customer: “Are you even f****** there?”

Me: “Yeppers, and I’m ready to take your order whenever you are.”

Customer: “Don’t you f****** take that tone with me! I’ll have a large number six with a [Soda], no ice.”

Me: “Excellent, I’ve got a—”

Customer: “What’s my total?”

Me: “I’ll ring it up.”

(The customer drives up before I am done punching it in, and parks at the first window. There is no one there, since that employee is on her break, and all of the service is left to me. Eventually, the customer seems to get the message, and I wave her up to the final window.)

Customer: “Why isn’t there anyone f****** there to take my money?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. He’s on break. It’s just me right now.” *I hand her her drink* “Your total came to $6.55.”

Customer: “WHAT? That’s too much. I don’t have that!” *waves her credit card*

Me: “I’m sorry. I was trying to tell you the total at the speaker—”

Customer: “This [Soda] tastes like s***. I want a free one.”

Me: “I’ll just pour you another one—”

Customer: “I want to talk to your manager.”

(I get my manager, who had heard the better part of our exchange over the headsets.)

Manager: “How can I help you, ma’am?”

Customer: “I swear I never do this, but I have been waiting forever to get my food, your worker is a f****** b**** and totally incompetent, and this isn’t the drink I ordered. And if I don’t get a free [Competitor’s Burger] and some pies or something, then I swear I’m never coming back and I will tell my kids and all of my grandkids and everyone I know to never come back to this restaurant ever again!”

Manager: “That’s really too bad. If you want a free [Competitor’s Burger], you’ll have to get your a** down three blocks and b**** at the [Competitor]’s people instead. And you’ll have to, now that I’m officially banning you. Get the f*** out of my drive-thru.”

(At this, my manager slammed the window shut and told me to go ahead and eat the meal that the rude customer had left behind.)

At Lagerheads, Part 4

| Ireland | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Customer: “I’d like a gin and tonic and a pint of Carlsberg.”

Me: “I’m sorry. We don’t have any Carlsberg. We have other lagers available on draft and also those available in long neck bottles.”

Customer: “Okay. So, I’ll have a long neck Carlsberg.”

Me: “Sorry, we don’t have long neck Carlsberg.”

Customer: “I’ll have a can of Carlsberg then, please.”

Me: *internal sigh* “Sorry, we don’t sell cans of any kind; also, we don’t have Carlsberg. Would any other kind of lager be okay?”

Customer: “Oh, it’s not for me. It’s for my husband. Hold on. I’ll go check what he would have instead.” *goes and comes back* “Okay. Can I have a pint of Carlsberg, please?”

Related:
At Lagerheads, Part 3
At Lagerheads, Part 2
At Lagerheads

Email Fail, Part 2

| IN, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(The customer is the CEO of a graphics design company that has hosted email with us. He calls in late one night to report that he is unable to get any email, and that he has important business to attend to and must have his email. I’ve almost exhausted all troubleshooting with this customer. I verified settings on his email client, verified settings on our server and mail flow to his inbox. In a last resort, I have the customer attempt to set up the email account again as a new account.)

Customer: “It says it can’t connect to the server. Are you having server issues?”

Me: “No, sir. If we were, we’d have a lot more callers about this issue. Try [alternative incoming server address and port] and see if you get a different response.”

(Typing and a pause…)

Customer: “Nope, still says can’t connect to server.”

Me: “Hmm…” *thinking there’s no way this can be possible* “Are you having any Internet issues? Are you able to load any web pages?”

Customer: “No, our ISP is having an outage right now.”

Me: “… Well, there’s your problem. Unfortunately without Internet you won’t be able to get email.”

Customer: “Why? What does Internet have to do with email?”

Related:
Email Fail

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