An Out-Of-Order Order

| USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(I work in a small deli in a small town. When we get busy we run two slicers (by hand). During an extremely busy morning shift, we spend a few minutes frantically slicing meat and cheese. We’d just finished the last order when a customer comes up to the counter and starts digging through the stacked orders.)

Me: “Can I help you find something, sir?”

Customer: “A half pound of cheddar cheese.”

(I look through the orders and then turn to ask the other employee if we’ve missed the customer’s order in the rush. The customer stops me.)

Customer: “Oh, I haven’t ordered yet.”

(I smile and grabbed my deli pad to take his order as he continues.)

Customer: “I was just going to take someone else’s order.”

May Theme Of The Month: Bad Listeners

Not Always Right | Announcements, Theme Of The Month
Introducing May’s Theme Of The Month: Bad Listeners!

Entering is easy:

  1. Submit a funny or interesting story about bad listeners. For all the customers who live in their own self-obsessed world and never listen to your advice, your answers to their questions, or your resulting frustrations!!
  2. At the end of the month, we’ll feature our favorite Theme Of The Month stories in a roundup!

PS: Congratulations to a lucky reader for winning April’s Themed Story Giveaway: Creepy Customers. The winning submission: Not Being Very Adult About It (1214 thumbs up).

PS #2: In order to feature more of your themed submissions, we’re changing our Themed Giveaways to Theme Of The Month. This means more featured themed stories for everyone!

Mother Is On The Job

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Family & Kids

(My workplace provides career advice for youth and young adults. We sometimes have parents come in to ask for help. However, these parents didn’t think to bring their kid with them.)

Mother: *walking up to the reception desk* “Are companies even hiring students?”

Me: “Uhm… yes. Yes, they are. It’s summer – there are a lot of seasonal positions to fill.”

Mother: “But my son can’t find a job.”

Me: *looking behind her to try to spot her son* “It can take a little bit to find something. Has he come in to see us yet?”

Mother: “No, he doesn’t want to.”

Me: “Well, it would be a good first step. Does he have a resume yet? Has he written cover letters before?”

Mother: “He’s got a resume, but I write his cover letters for him.”

Me: *hoping I heard her wrong* “I’m sorry? You write them for him?”

Mother: “Yeah, or he wouldn’t do it!”

Me: “Well, he really has to be the one to write them; it’s not a good situation if the employer is under the impression your son is writing them when he’s not.”

Mother: “Oh, I tell them.”

Me: “Sorry?”

Mother: “I write, ‘I’m writing on behalf of my 16-year-old son, who is in need of a job.’ They know it’s not him. He doesn’t know I’m applying to jobs for him.”

Me: “…”

Mother: *becoming irate* “He needs a job!”

Me: “I understand, ma’am. But you can’t apply to jobs for your son. He has to apply for them himself.”

Mother: “But he won’t apply on his own! All he does is sit on his a**s in the basement and play video  games!”

Me: *trying to sound professional* “Ma’am, have you considered banning him from playing games until he applies for jobs?”

Mother: *affronted* “I can’t do that to my son! That would be cruel! He just needs a job!”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, ma’am. I can’t give him a job. He has to go out and earn one for himself.”

Mother: “Fine, then.”

(She turned to leave and I noticed her husband had been face-palming behind her, shaking his head in shame.)

Won’t Get To Hear The High Notes

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Wild & Unruly

(I work event security for part time work. Usually it’s pretty mellow, and I just tell people they can’t bring in outside food and beverages. This event is a huge dub-step concert, and it is widely known that most people will try to sneak ‘stuff’ (like drugs) in by the strangest ways. There are a few giveaways when we think someone is trying to sneak stuff in. I notice a tall, skinny guy in his early 20s walking a bit off and see that his eyes are bloodshot.)

Me: “Hello, sir. How are you doing today?”

Guest: “Uh, I’m fine…”

(The guest pauses and starts walking away with a worried look on his face.)

Me: “Hold on one second. I noticed you were walking a bit off. Are you doing all right?”

Guest: “Oh, yeah, haha. I’m okay, I guess. It’s just hot, and uh, yeah.” *continues to try to walk away*

Me: “Just out of curiosity, you wouldn’t happen to be trying to hide any contraband to bring inside the venue, would you?”

Guest: “Pft! F*** no. F*** that s***. F*** you for assuming that. Is it because I’m white?”

Me: “Sir, I’m white, too… Since you don’t have anything on you, you wouldn’t mind if one of our K-9 units sniffed you, right?”

Guest: *still looking worried* “I don’t have to f****** do that! F*** you, lady!”

Me: “And I don’t have to let you in. Here’s what I’m going to do. Whatever it is you have on you, give it up now, all of it, and I’ll let you go into the venue with no consequences. If you do not give it up right now, I can have you arrested for possession. This is your only free pass. Take it or leave it. Which will it be?”

(I see him contemplating this, which is just another give-away.)

Guest: “I don’t have nothin’ on me, b****, so take that.”

(At this point I have him step off to the side while an officer with a K-9 unit comes over.)

Me: “Last chance for a free pass, man. All you have to do is surrender whatever it is you are hiding, and I’ll let you go in and have fun. You paid a lot of money to come here. Is it worth not going in just to hold onto some stuff?”

Guest: “F*** you, b****. I don’t have nothin’ on me. I just want to go inside and have fun.”

Me: *sigh*

(Almost as soon as the K-9 gets near us, he makes his motions and sounds indicating he is picking something up.)

Officer: “Sir, what do you have on you?”

Guest: “F*** off, a**hole. I just want to go inside.”

Officer: “I know you have something. Do you want me to find it the easy way or the hard way?”

Me: *puts on latex gloves, dramatically snapping the wrist as if I’m ready for a cavity search*

Guest: “Oh, you mean like drugs? Yeah, I forgot I lent these shorts to a friend, and he, uh, must have left some stuff in the pockets without me remembering. I don’t do that s***.”

(The officer and I look at each other, rolling our eyes and trying not to laugh.)

Officer: “Sir, can you empty your pockets, please?”

(The guest reaches into the back of his shorts, pulls a small baggie from his rectum containing packaged heroin, Molly, Ecstasy, and cocaine, throws it at me, and tries to walk away. The officer and I stop him.)

Guest: “WHAT THE F***, YOU B****! YOU SAID I COULD F****** GO IN IF I GAVE YOU THE F****** DRUGS!”

Me: “Yes, and you denied that you had anything. I let you know that if you didn’t give it up, you would be arrested for possession.”

Guest: “I JUST GAVE IT UP, B****!”

Me: “After your free pass expired…”

(He continued to curse at me while the officer and I walked him over to the security tent to get booked. We let him know he would not be arrested, but that he was no longer allowed to enter the venue, that his ticket would be confiscated, that he would be walked off the property, and that if he was found back on the property he WOULD be arrested for trespassing. I walked him off the property as he continually mumbled that I was a ‘f****** b****.’ Since I’m a female, the officer trailed behind to make sure I didn’t have any more problems. I started to walk back in when the guest runs up behind me, and punches me square across the face. Only seconds later, the dog was on him. All I got was a bruise on my cheek and a laugh about his stupidity. He got arrested for trespassing, assaulting me, and for the smorgasbord of drugs that were currently in his system.)

Gives New Meaning To Turn-Down Service

| USA | Hotels & Lodging, Rude & Risque, Wild & Unruly

(Three teenagers, two guys and girl, reserve a room together. Our motel has a policy of only 18 and over, so they barely reach that. Two are boyfriend and girlfriend, and the other boy is the boyfriend’s friend. The girlfriend and the friend sneak in the room together, and later the boyfriend comes up to my counter.)

Boyfriend: “My key is not working. I tried it a million times!”

Me: “Sir, your key is not working because the people in there have thrown the deadbolt. Therefore, the key will not work unless they open. It’s for the guests’ security.”

Boyfriend: “I wonder why they would do that?”

Me: *coughs* “I have no idea. Have you tried their phone?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, and they won’t pick up!”

Me: “Hmmm…”

Boyfriend: “Maybe you could call their room?”

(I do so and get no answer. The customer gets even more agitated.)

Boyfriend: “This is f****** ridiculous, man! I just wanna get into my f****** room, man!”

Me: “The only thing we can do is go there and knock to see if they will answer.”

Boyfriend: “Fine! F**k!”

(Even though I’m not supposed to leave the front desk, the room is not far and I figure only to be away for a minute or so. We go and I knock gently on the door.)

Me: *calling* “Hello? Anyone there?”

(Inside, I can hear someone moving around and a radio being turned off.)

Boyfriend: “HELLO? YO, MAN! IT’S ME, MAN! OPEN UP! I CAN’T GET INSIDE WITHOUT YOU F****** OPENING, MAN!” *bangs on door really loudly*

(He continues yelling despite me trying to hush him because of disturbing the other guests. The room next door opens and a angry old man glares at us.)

Old Man: “Shut up! I’m trying to sleep!”

(The boyfriend ignores him and continues yelling at his friend to open up. Finally, the door opens. Inside I catch a glimpse of the girl and the friend in varying states of undress, staring at us like deer in headlights. I leave quickly, knowing this’ll get ugly soon.)

Boyfriend: “HEY, MAN! YOU TWO WERE F******?! WHAT THE H***, MAN!”

(The next day, a very red faced girl checks out with her new boyfriend — the friend, and we get multiple, angry complaints from the angry old man and others about their fighting. The following day, we changed the policy to 21 years and older.)

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