Fixed With A Male-To-Female Adaptor

| ON, Canada | Bigotry, Technology

(I work tech support at an inbound call center for a fairly large ISP. A lot of customers get transferred by sales agents when they select the wrong option. I’m female.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can we help you?”

Elderly Caller: “Oh, hello, dear. I’m just waiting for a tech support man.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I’m tech support! How can I help?”

Elderly Caller: “Oh no, no, honey. I’m sure there will be a tech support man along to help me shortly. I don’t mind waiting on hold.”

(After a few minutes of attempting to get her information and assuring I can help, I finally resolve the issue and we say goodbye. A few hours later I get an email from a coworker who had spoken to the same woman. He transcribed a message she insisted get to me that read as follows:)

Message: “Please tell [my Name] that she fixed all the problems I had and I didn’t mean to be rude. I didn’t even know women were allowed to work tech support so it’s not my fault!”

Takes A Toll On The Soul

| USA | Bizarre, Money, Religion

(I am a phone customer service rep for a government agency that has been strongly encouraging constituents to use our website for basic governmental functions. It is my first day out of training.)

Me: “How may I help you?”

Caller: “Hello. I just want to know if you charge spiritual taxes to people of certain religious beliefs?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Caller: “Spiritual taxes. Do you charge them for using your website?”

Me: “… I think that’s more a question for your religious leader of choice, but no, to the best of my knowledge we do not charge taxes on the soul for using our website.”

Caller: “Oh, wonderful!” *click*

The Hair Apparent

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

(The manager calls me to the front of the store to deal with an angry customer: I had laminated her elementary school son’s photo collage. I should have realized something was up when I see the manager is smirking.)

Customer: “You laminated one of your hairs in my son’s collage!”

Me: “I really doubt it.”

(I point out I am wearing a hat.)

Customer: *now super angry* “Don’t contradict me. You have ruined this collage!”

Me: “No, ma’am. I really don’t think that long blond hair is mine.”

(I pull off my hat. I have a shaved head.)

Customer: “Well, then, someone else must have put it there. Like her!” *points to a coworker with blond hair*

Me: “Ma’am, I am the only person who has touched this order. This hair appears to be yours.”

Customer: “Well… you should have never laminated the hair in then!”

(I point to the order form where the customer has circled ‘as is’.)

Customer: “Aaargh!” *storms out*

Putting The High Into Hiring

| UK | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal

Customer: *bloodshot eyes and stinking of weed* “Hi. I’m looking for a gardening book.”

Me: “Okay. Our gardening section is right here. Was there are a particular book you were after?”

Customer: “I’m wanting one that teaches you how to grow drugs.”

Bookseller: “Like medicinal herbs? We have a few titles on natural remedies in our health sec—”

Customer: “Nah, I mean like cannabis.”

Bookseller: “Er… there are titles on that subject but they are only sold in our Amsterdam stores. I can’t legally sell them in this country.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. You guys hiring?”

Returns From The Dead

, | Pasadena, MD, USA | Crazy Requests, Money, Technology, Transportation

(At the auto parts store I work for we offer free battery charging for any car/truck/boat batteries as long as they do not test bad.)

Customer: “I’d like to get this battery charged please.”

Me: “Okay, let me just test it real quick.”

(This battery looks like crap, but it’s not leaking so I go ahead and test it.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but this battery is not good. It has a bad cell in it. I can’t charge it.”

Customer: “What do you mean it’s bad?! This battery is pretty much new. You need to charge anyway.”

Me: “Not gonna happen. It is actually dangerous if I try to charge this.”

Customer: “I demand you charge this right NOW!”

Me: “No. Your battery is dead; no amount of charging is going to bring it back. You will need to get a replacme—”

Customer: “I SAID, CHARGE IT!”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Well, I demand to—”

Me: “I am the manager. I will NOT charge this battery. It has a bad cell, and there is no way this battery is anywhere near new. Judging by the inch worth of grease around the case and the ungodly level of corrosion on the terminals, I would say this battery is at least 7-8 years old. And If I were to attempt to charge this over sized paperweight, there is a chance it could explode and cause serious damage to the people around it.”

Customer: “But—”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “But—”

Me: “Not happening.”

Customer: “Crap… but I can’t afford a new battery.”

Me: “Look, give me a chance to check the back. We do have a used battery program, and I may have one in stock.”

(I walk in the back and find a used battery that fits the customer’s car.)

Me: “I found this one in the back. Now it is classified as used, but that just means that someone returned a battery with no problems to it, but we can no longer sell it new.”

Customer: *brightens* “Really? How much?”

Me: “$43.”

Customer: “Really? That’s great! I was worried that I was going to have to spend hundreds on a new battery. Thank you so much!” *buys battery and leaves*

Me: *to coworker* “Why do people always demand we bring dead things back to life?”

Coworker: “I don’t know, but let me know when you figure out how to do that.”

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