You’re My Number One Problem

| | Right | January 27, 2016

Used And Abused

| Right | January 27, 2016

You’re My Number One Problem

| Right | January 27, 2016

Not The Key To Success

| CA, USA | Right | January 27, 2016

(I’m the customer here. In the 1970s my wife and I, from the UK, treat ourselves to a luxury holiday, visiting the USA for the first time. When we register at our up-market hotel, I’m given a keycard for the room. It’s the first time I’ve seen one.)

Receptionist: “Here’s your keycard, sir. Just swipe it in the slot on your room door to open it.”

Me: “Thank you.”

(I collect my suitcase and walk with my wife to the elevator. Putting down my suitcase, I check my pocket for the keycard, but it’s not there, so I walk back to reception (about 15 yards).)

Me: “Err, I’ve lost my keycard between here and the elevator. That must be a record?”

Receptionist: “Pretty much, sir. Here’s a replacement. Enjoy your stay!”

Your Dog Does Not Compute

| USA | Right | January 27, 2016

(A woman comes in with a Chihuahua that has been banned from the store because it’s frankly an aggressive little bugger and bites everything it can, including, on the last visit, a small child of about three years old.)

Customer: “I’d like a standard bath and grooming.”

Me: “I cannot do that, as your dog is banned from our store.”

Customer: *sets him on the counter, snarling and yapping, and leans in close to ask* “Could you just take him out back and hose him off? Nobody will have to know if you don’t enter it into the computer.” *slips me $50*

(By now the dog is attached to my sleeve, growling and tugging. I agree to take him out back. I go out the back door, put the snarling little maniac back in his crate in her car along with my ripped uniform and her 50 bucks, which he proceeds to chew up also. I walk back up to the counter in just the t-shirt I am wearing under my destroyed uniform.)

Customer: “Where’s my dog?”

Me: “What dog? I don’t have any dogs entered into my computer.”

(She never brought the little psycho back.)

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