Lost In Holy Translation

| Australia | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid, Religion

Me: “Hi! How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hey, do you have The Bible?”

Me: “Yeah, heaps. Let me—”

Customer: “No.” *looking at phone* “I need The Bible by the author… King James!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Do you have it?”

Me: “Sure…”

Sadly This Job Isn’t Child’s Play

| OH, USA | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids

(I work in an arcade, which also has a kids’ gym. Right by the only entrance and exit, there is a sign which clearly says that employees are not babysitting the area, and that kids may leave without parents. However, I do try and keep the younger kids from leaving without supervision. One day I let two younger boys out to use the bathroom. Less than a minute later, their mother comes up to me.)

Mother: “Did you see my two sons leave?!”

Me: “Yes, I let them run to the bathroom.”

Mother: “WHAT?! Why would you let them out?! One of them is only two!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s not my job to watch your kids.”

Mother: “YOU STILL SHOULDN’T HAVE LET THEM OUT!”

Me: “Ma’am, please stop yelling. I did ask where they were going, and made sure they knew where the bathrooms were. I also checked that they went in the right direction.”

Mother: “You still shouldn’t let them out!”

Cross Them Off Your Shopping List

| Hayward, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Religion, Wild & Unruly

(My partner and I have a stall in a vintage clothing collective. On the day in question, I am working the counter when a woman comes in wanting to sell some clothes.)

Customer: “I want to sell these.”

Me: “Okay, let me see what you’ve got.”

(As I am looking over the clothes, which are mostly from chain stores in the past 10 years, she notices I am wearing a vintage pewter cross.)

Customer: “Hey! Why are you wearing that cross?!”

Me: “Um, I like it?”

Customer: “Hah! Just as I thought! You’re a disgrace! Wearing a cross as a piece of jewelry!”

Partner: *coming out of the back room* “Technically, it IS a piece of jewelry! And she has every right to wear it.”

Customer: “Hah! I seriously doubt that! So tell me, are you a Christian?”

Me: “If you’re asking that question, I’m probably not what YOU would consider a Christian.”

Customer: “I thought as much! You take that cross off right now, you little heathen!”

Partner: *becoming very irritated* “Actually, ma’am, we have both attended many churches, including Methodist, Episcopal, and Old Catholic.”

Me: “I’m currently Religious Scientist.”

Customer: “I thought as much! Heathens! You aren’t entitled to wear that cross!”

Me: “I’m as much entitled as you, Ma’am.”

Partner: “So, if you’re not buying anything, please leave the store and stop harassing us.”

Customer: “I’m not buying, I’m selling!”

Partner: “Oh, no, you’re not.”

Me: “You don’t have any REAL vintage, anyway.”

Customer: “Well, I never! You girls don’t know how to run a business! I wouldn’t want to sell to a couple of heathens, anyway!”

(She gathered up her clothes and exited the store in a huff. Thankfully, she never entered our heathen store again.)

All Men Must Serve

| NY, USA | Awesome Customers, Books & Reading, Geeks Rule, Language & Words

(I am the librarian.)

Patron: “Do you have any books on Japanese architecture? I play the game Minecraft and we’re building Westeros. You know, Game of Thrones? Part of it is going to be Japanese themed.”

Librarian: “I think we do. Let me look…” *searches the catalog* “Yup, there are some e-books you can get by clicking the links here, or there should be a couple upstairs. Are you able to find things by call number?”

Patron: “Yeah, I should be able to find it. Thanks!”

Librarian: “You’re welcome! Valar Morghulis!”

Patron: “Yeah.” *starts to walk away, but stops suddenly and turns around* “Wait, did you just…”

Librarian: “Yeah, I really did.”

Patron: “That’s awesome! Valar Dohaeris!”

An Alarming Lack Of Responsibility

| SC, USA | Extra Stupid

(My coworker and I are closing up the store. The store is closed the next day, so we were admittedly a little eager to get home to start relaxing. I accidentally leave the front door unlocked in my rush to get home. We have several signs saying we are closed on Sunday. Apparently at around noon on Sunday, a customer gets into the store, starts browsing, and ends up setting the alarms off and running out. A few days later, the same coworker and I are working when a customer comes in.)

Me: “Hello! Do you need help finding anything today?”

Customer: “Not really, but I was the one who set off those alarms and never got to get the treats I came in for!”

Me: “Well, we were closed, sir.”

Customer: “How was I supposed to know that?!”

Me: “Sir, did you not notice the signs on the door, the hours posted, the fact that the lights were off, and that the store was completely empty?”

Customer: “No! It shouldn’t be my responsibility to keep track of your hours! It’s your responsibility to tell me when you’re open or not!”

Coworker: “Sir, that’s what the signs are for. We can’t be here all the time to let people know we’re open.”

Customer: “Well, you should be!”

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