The Luxury Of Name-Dropping

| Birmingham, MI, USA | Funny Names, Movies & TV

(I am the manager at a local palladium. There are 12 theatres. Two of them are bigger and the chairs are more comfy so there is an extra $1 fee per ticket for them. It says outside and inside the palladium when the movie times are for the luxury theatres.)

Customer: “Five tickets for [luxury show].”

Me: “Okay your total will be $40.”

Customer: “Wait I thought it was just $35.”

Me: Well, normally it would be, but that movie is playing in the luxury theatres so it is an extra dollar fee per ticket.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not paying for that! That is outrageous! I don’t care where I sit but I’m not paying the extra money! You’re trying to rip me off, aren’t you! I know your manager and I want to see him right now!”

Me: “Sir, I am sorry to inform you but that would be me and I do not recognize you.”

Customer: “You should do! We had a long conversation and everything!”

(I flip my nametag around and say:)

Me: “Sir, if you can tell me my name, I will wave the extra fee for you, and please do it fast because you are holding up the line.”

Customer: *pauses* “I’ll just pay the extra money…”

Me: “Thank you. Have a nice time.”

Something Stinks About The Address

| Orem, UT, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Technology

(As cashiers, we’re required to ask for emails at the end of a purchase. Customers can decline, and it’s no problem for us to bypass the email capture screen. I’ve just finished up ringing a young woman and her boyfriend.)

Me: “Perfect, we’re almost done! Could I just enter your email?”

Customer: “Sure. It’s [email protected]

Me: *typing it in without thinking* “All right, if you could just verify the email below on the card reader— oh.”

Boyfriend: *snickers*

Me: “I guess that’ll be a ‘no, thank you’ on the email then…”

Sunglass And Hit Station

| USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal

Me: “Hey there, what can I get you?”

Woman: “Oh, I’ll have [Lottery Game] and two packs of [Cigarettes].”

(As I get her items and ring them in, I notice her staring intently at some sunglasses that a regular had left behind.)

Woman: “Those sunglasses are so cute. What’s the deal with them?”

Me: “Oh, another customer left them behind. We’re keeping them up front in case she comes back today.”

Woman: “What if she doesn’t come back?”

Me: “Then it gets moved to the lost and found.”

Woman: “What if she never comes back for them?”

Me: “Uh, well, I think [Store Owner] either throws lost items away after a period of time or donates them.”

Woman: “So they’re just gonna get thrown away?”

Me: “Not necessarily. Most people who leave stuff behind come back for them, and this woman is in here all the time, so I’m sure—”

Woman: “I want them.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Woman: “I want those sunglasses.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, but I can’t give them to you. However, we have many styles of sunglasses on display just around the corner from the desk, so if you’d like—”

Woman: “No. I want those ones.”

Me: “Ma’am, they belong to someone else.”

Woman: “Well, what if I said that they’re my sunglasses and I forgot them?”

Me: “Okay, except we just had a conversation about how they’re NOT yours and how the person who DOES own them left them behind. So, no, you can’t have them.”

Woman: “But I don’t understand why I can’t have them.”

(This circular argument goes on for a while. Eventually my manager comes over because he’s noticed a three-item transaction has gone on for almost five minutes.)

Manager: “Is there something wrong, ma’am?”

Woman: “Yes, this little girl won’t give me my sunglasses.”

Manager: *looks at me* “[My Name]?”

Me: “Well, they’re not her sunglasses. [Regular] was here earlier and left them at register one.”

Woman: “No, she wasn’t. She didn’t! They’re mine!”

Me: “Ma’am, you just all but told me these aren’t your sunglasses and I saw

[Regular] set them down on register one when she was here earlier.”

Woman: *shrilly* “No! They’re mine!”

(She suddenly lunges forward and throws herself across the counter, trying to reach the sunglasses. My manager pushes me behind him and snatches the woman’s arm.)

Manager: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but you have to leave! You can’t assault the employees or steal from other customers.”

Woman: “I’m not stealing! They’re mine! THEY’RE MINE!”

(My manager had to forcibly remove her from the store. The true owner of the sunglasses came in the next morning and my manager regaled the story to her. She just laughed and told him to tell me she was sorry I had to go through that. All that fuss over a pair of $5 sunglasses!)

Lounging In The Line

| VA, USA | At The Checkout, Tourists/Travel

(I’m the customer in this story. The weather has been bad this day, resulting in a lot of cancelled and delayed flights, on top of being a holiday that is busy for flying anyway, so the check-in lines are overwhelmed with both people trying to check in and those trying to get re-booked. I notice that no one is moving in the check-in line while the desk agent is dealing with a customer. I walk up to the desk from about 20 spots back.)

Me: “Excuse me. I don’t mean to interrupt, but it seems that you’re helping this customer personally while no one is using the check-in screens. Can those of us in line to check in use the check-in screens while you handle this?”

Agent: “Sure! I’m trying to re-book her, so please step up and check in if that’s what you’re in line for.”

(I turn around to the line and speak loudly.)

Me: “If you’re just here to check in, please step up and use the check-in screens.”

(I go back to my original position in line, and it turns out most the people in line were there to be re-booked, so I reach the counter quickly as those waiting for assistance wave those of us just checking in forward. When I reach the screen and put my bag up to be tagged…)

Agent: “Ah, you again. Wait right here for a second.”

(I wait, thinking I upset them with my intrusion and am going to be kicked off my flight.)

Agent: *comes back, takes my ID, tags my bag, and then hands my ID and claim slip back to me along with another slip of paper* “Thank you for that. I’d love to hire you to stand here all evening and keep things moving, but this is the best I can do.”

(She comped me a lounge pass! Turned out that it was a LIFESAVER since MY flight ended up delayed by five hours!)

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Gives New Meaning To Troubleshooting

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Technology

(This is an old story. I am working Vista tech support right around the release, as a level 2 tech. This exchange happens right as the call is escalated.)

Me: “How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I’ve got my 22-gauge pointed at my desktop. Do you think that’s going to be a better solution than what you got?”

Me: “Uh…”

(The sad part is that he had to replace all the hardware, so the gun would have been a faster solution.)

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