A Very Shallow Pool Of Intelligence

| AR, USA | Extra Stupid

(The phone rings.)

Customer: “I need to get sand for my pool filter.”

Me: “Okie doke, how much sand do you need?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “If you look on your filter, it will usually tell you how much it uses.”

Customer: “I’m looking at it right now. It doesn’t say how much it needs.”

Me: “Does it say anything on it at all?”

Customer: “Yes it has a serial number.”

Me: “What is it?”

Customer: “300-L-B-S.”

(I pause.)

Customer: “Does that help?”

Me: “I will have your sand ready to pick up in 15 minutes.”

No Room For Negotiation

| USA | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging

(My hotel is the only one near a very busy pavilion. During concert season, we book up solid.)

Me: “Hello. May I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I need a room.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we have no more.”

Caller: “WHAT! You’re lying.”

Me: “I’m not.”

Caller: “Yes, you are. You have rooms left. Aren’t you still waiting on people to show up?”

Me: “Yes…”

Caller: “Well then, give me their room! I’m here, and they’re not!”

Me: “I can’t.”

Caller: “WHY NOT!”

Me: “Because they’ve reserved that room. I have to hold it for a few more hours. If they still don’t show until then, you may have it.”

Caller: “That’s stupid! You’re just being mean!”

Me: “No, what’s ‘mean’ is if I gave you their room that they booked. How would you like it if I gave one of your rooms that you booked?”

Caller: *blank stare*

Me: “Exactly…”

Caller: “You just lost some money!” *storms off*

(The reservation did show, so we didn’t.)

Weekly Roundup: Hotels & Lodging

Not Always Right | Hotels & Lodging, Roundups

Weekly Roundup: Hotels & Lodging! In this week’s roundup, we share five stories about hotel & motel customers!

  1. Smoking Rate Gets Smokers Irate (2,101 thumbs up)
  2. Unable To Order, Drunken Disorder (1,959 thumbs up)
  3. Can’t Keep Up With The Joneses (4,248 thumbs up)
  4. When (Not) In Rome (1,940 thumbs up)
  5. Voodoo Or Do Not, There Is No Jedi (2,813 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Went

| NH, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink

(A woman approaches the register and sets down four half-eaten chocolate bars from our candy aisle.)

Customer: “I sampled these chocolates and didn’t like the consistency, so I don’t want them anymore.”

(The customer starts to walk away.)

Coworker: “Okay, well, I’m sorry about that, but you’re still going to have to pay for these.”

Customer: “But I didn’t like them!”

Coworker: “Right, but you can’t just take things without paying. What made you think that would be okay?”

Customer: “THEY WERE JUST SITTING IN MY CART! WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO?!”

At Least He Was Knife About It

| Calgary, AB, Canada | Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal

(I’m volunteering at the concessions area of a local hockey arena. A customer walks up to the counter.)

Me: “Hello, sir!”

Customer: “Hey! Could I get the key to room three?”

(At our rink, the accessing of the rink locker rooms requires a special set of keys. Policy dictates that in exchange for the keys, there needs to be a small deposit. Usually, people give us their house keys or car keys, and we give them the room key. This is an effort to prevent theft and carelessness.)

Me: “No problem! However, there is a small deposit required for the key; something like your car keys or house keys is needed to prevent theft. We’ll give it back once we get the locker room keys back.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Let’s see here, um…”

(The customer begins rummaging around his coat pockets. Suddenly, he reaches inside his jacket, and pulls out a massive hunting knife and places it on the counter.)

Customer: “Will this be okay?”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “Great, thanks!”

(The customer takes the locker room keys and walks away. Behind him this entire time, a second customer is waiting in line.)

Customer #2: “Whoa.”