Time To Separate The Horse From The Goats

| VA, USA | Family & Kids, Hall of Fame, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

(We offer pony camps during the summer to kids wanting to learn to ride. We have very calm, safe horses to ride, and take all safety measures, but some parents are naturally worrisome.)

Mom: “Those horses are awfully big… Don’t you have something smaller for my daughter?”

Me: “Ma’am, I assure you, all of our horses are sweet. I’ve ridden all of them over my years here.”

Mom: “I just think that they’re too big for her. Maybe something smaller? Like a miniature horse?”

Me: “Ma’am, you can’t really ride a miniature horse…”

Mom: “Oh! What about that one! It’s perfectly sized for her!”

Me: “Uh… Ma’am… that’s a goat.”

(At this point, the daughter was bright red. She ended up riding one of our largest horses and did awesomely. And poor Benny the goat didn’t have to worry!)

Playing The Roll Of The Manager

| Branson, MO, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

(I have a project due that requires me to dress up really nicely and give a presentation. It goes very well, so my husband decides to take me out to lunch right after the class. I am still dressed up really nicely. The entire time my husband and I have sat at the table, an older man keeps looking at me and shuffling in his seat but I ignore it. I get up to go to the bathroom and when I come out, I find him standing outside the ladies’ room.)

Old Man: *still doing a little shuffle* “You’re out of toilet paper.”

Me: “What?”

Old Man: *getting upset* “You’re out of toilet paper in the men’s room!”

Me: “Uh… I don’t work here. You should find an employee.”

Old Man: *getting more upset* “But you look like you’re the manager! You sure you can’t get some toilet paper in there? I have to go, but I didn’t want to interrupt your break. But, I really have to go and I shouldn’t have to wait on you to do my business!”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but I really don’t work here. I just had a big presentation at school today. Again, find an employee and I’m sure they’ll help you.”

Old Man: “BUT YOU LOOK LIKE THE MANAGER!”

(Finally after his outburst, the ACTUAL manager came over, asking what was going on. I explained my side and the old man blamed me for the lack of toilet paper! The real manager quickly replaced the toilet paper and even gave me and my husband a free appetizer on the house for our trouble. The old man glared at me throughout the rest of my meal, but hey, free appetizer!)

Not Dog’s Best Friend

| CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal & Illegal, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

(We are a grooming shop inside a larger pet store. One of our bathers brings out a dog that is going home. Since she worked on the dog, she proceeds to inform the owner how it went.)

Bather: “[Pet] did pretty good for a first timer, but got a bit scared and tried to nip—”

Customer: “BAD DOG!”

(She then starts screaming and leans over our counter to take a swing at her dog with a closed fist. The dog ducks and hides behind the bather.)

Me: “Ma’am! Please don’t hit your dog in here!”

(She scowls at us and still looks angry, but we have no choice but to hand the dog over. A few minutes later one of the floor associates rushes in.)

Associate: “The lady that just left just started kicking the s*** out of her dog and is now trying to stuff it in the trunk!”

Me: “WHAT?!”

(The bather calls the cops while I and the associate rush outside. We can’t see the dog in the car but the owner is in the driver’s seat, on her phone and screaming at us, as we box her in her parking space to keep her from leaving until the police arrive.)

Police Officer: “I can take it from here. All of you get back inside.”

(We never saw the woman again, but I still think of that poor dog.)

All Meals Come Pre-Blessed

, | USA | Family & Kids, Funny Names, Religion

(At the restaurant I work at all of the employees names are written on a wall. A little girl around the age of six and her dad walk in. While waiting for their food she is reading the names out loud and spots the name Jesus.)

Girl: “Daddy, look, they have Jesus working here! That’s so awesome. Now we don’t have to pray before this meal!”

(Jesus got a chuckle out of this as the dad quickly explained it is a name pronounced ‘hey-Zeus.’)

Acting Like It’s The End Of The World

| Cornelius, OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Money

Me: “Hi! How are you today?”

Customer: “Three days ago the yarn was $1 and now it’s $3.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “Why isn’t it $1?”

Me: “Because it was on sale, but the sale ended yesterday.”

Customer: *annoyed, hands on her hips* “Why did it do that?!”

(I start laughing until I realize she’s dead serious. I quickly stop and look at her blankly.)

Me: “Um… because that’s what sales do. They… end.”

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