E(B)T Phone Home

| USA | Right | October 8, 2015

(We have a department that handles people on the Lifeline program, which gives a free phone and minutes to low-income people. Normally I handle the paid customers, but on occasion the free phone people end up in my queue. Shenanigans invariably ensue.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I want to know if my [Store] Food Card can be used to pay for minutes?”

Me: “Pardon me, your what kind of card?”

Customer: “My [Store] FOOD Card. You know, you get it from the government to pay for food.”

Me: “Oh. Do you mean an EBT card?”

Customer: “Yeah!  My EBT card! I just scan it at [Store] and it pays for my food. Can I get a plan with it?”

Me: “Um, no, sir.”

Customer: “Well, WHY NOT?! It’s a government phone. It’s a government card. Now, you let me pay for my plan!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t. The EBT program is only for food and other edible products, not for telephone plans.”

Customer: “Well, just run it through and see. I bet it takes it.”

Me: “No sir, I can’t do that. Do you have an airtime card, a credit, or debit card? I can use those.”

Customer: “Well, this EBT is a card! Take it!”

About To Get Charged With Battery, Part 6

| Pasadena, MD, USA | Right | October 8, 2015

(A customer comes up to my register with store brand mid-grade car battery.)

Customer: “This battery is no good. Can I upgrade to [high quality battery]?”

Me: “Sure thing. Let me grab that for you.” *I set up the exchange, and ring up to new battery* “All right, since you are moving up in batteries there is a price difference. Your total comes to $11.53.”

Customer: “Why? It should be free, because the old one was bad.”

Me: “Well, sir, if you want a free battery then we can do a defective exchange and you can have to the same battery that you already have… or you can pay the $12 and upgrade, but since you have made it clear that you wish to have the better product then I’m afraid you have to pay the 12 bucks. It’s just like going to a car dealership. They won’t just give you a BMW because the Toyota they sold you broke down.” *customer sulkily pays and leaves*

Related:
About To Get Charged With Battery, Part 5
About To Get Charged With Battery, Part 4
About To Get Charged With Battery, Part 3

Donuts Are The Devil

| Yorkshire, England, UK | Right | October 8, 2015

(I’m working the night shift at a convenience store. Every week, we have a different product to ‘upsell’ – that is, we have to ask customers if they’d like to purchase the item on our tills because it is on special offer. A middle-aged man comes to my till with some bread and milk. The transaction is fairly normal until…)

Me: “Would you like any of these doughnuts today, sir? They’re on offer at £1 a box.”

Customer: *still smiling* “Oh, no, dear. I couldn’t possibly. They’re for devil worshippers, you see.”

(I half laugh, unsure if he’s serious. He looks below my till at a display of egg-shaped chocolate.)

Customer: “And here’s your Easter eggs. All for devil worshippers, too.” *laughs* “Take care, sweetheart.”

(He left, and I spend the rest of the night wondering what is satanic about a jam doughnut.)

Delayed Reaction

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Right | October 8, 2015

Passenger: “Why is there nobody to inform me about the delay?! I came all the way from San Francisco and now that I’m here you tell me there is a delay!”

Me: “Sir, some people sign up for email alert from the airport or the airlines for possible delays.”

Passenger: “Who are those ‘some people’?! I talked to everyone here! Nobody knew about the delay before!”

Me: “Sir, those people who have signed up and received an alert wouldn’t even bother to come to the airport. People are here because they did not sign up and did not know there is a delay.”

Still Pre-Positions

| Right | October 8, 2015

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