Has The Drive To Cheat And Lie

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Crazy Requests, Liars & Scammers, Love/Romance

(I work in a car insurance call center.)

Customer: “Oh, the policy isn’t in my name.”

Me: “May I speak to the policy holder to get permission to speak to you and add you to the policy?”

Customer: “No, she’s not speaking to me.”

Me: “Okay, well that just means I am unable to give you any information or make any changes for you at this point of time.”

Customer: “But it’s my car! She just took me off all the policies after I cheated on her.”

(I have no idea what to say.)

Customer: “Never mind, I’ll just call back and pretend I’m her.” *click*

Deaf To Reason

| USA | Bizarre, Musical Mayhem, Technology

(I am taking orders face to face with a tablet. There is live music and a ton of people, so it’s loud. Customers constantly cannot hear me, so I start out most interactions with a strong, loud voice.)

Me: “Hi, ma’am, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “Uh, a turkey sandwich?”

Me: “All right! Did you want the large or original size?”

Customer: *louder than me* “You don’t have to yell!”

Me: *lowers down to a normal volume* “Sorry, ma’am, did you want the big or small size?”

Customer: “Huh?” *leans down close to hear me*

Totally Estúpido

, | Barcelona, Spain | Language & Words, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

(I am in a very popular burger chain restaurant in Barcelona. I have placed my order with the very helpful assistant, and am waiting for my food. The next two customers are large British men in their 50s. I am British, but speak reasonable Spanish.)

Customer: *in a broad North Yorkshire accent* “I want a large burger, a large fries, and a large Diet Coke.”

(The girl behind the counter, who doesn’t speak English, looks blank and then says in Spanish that she doesn’t understand.)

Customer: *speaking loudly and enunciating each word slowly* “I want a LARGE BURGER, a LARGE FRIES and a LARGE DIET COKE!”

(The server is now looking distressed and uncomfortable, so I take pity on her, and tell her what the customer has ordered in Spanish. She thanks me profusely and places the order. The first customer shakes his head in disgust and turns to me.)

Customer: “Thanks, love. These f****** foreigners, eh? They don’t speak the language.”

Me: “Wow.”

Mass Defect

| Copenhagen, Denmark | Bigotry, Technology

(I’m a female employee in a video game store. The latest edition to the ‘Mass Effect’ series has just come out, which I happen to be a great fan of. A customer approaches my coworker.)

Customer: “Hello, I’d like to get this game for my son. I heard it is the new one?”

(The customer holds out a copy of ‘Mass Effect 2’ for PC, which is not the newest one.)

Coworker: “Yeah, I think so, I am not sure. Let me ask my coworker.” *refers to me* “Is that the right one?”

Me: “No, that’s the previous one. Please follow me, and I’ll show you where they are.”

Customer: *snorts* “That’s alright missy; I’ll take your coworkers word for it. Why don’t you go back to your Pokémon?”

Me: “I promise you, sir, that’s not the game your son wants. If I can just—”

Customer: *to my coworker* “Can you ring this up for me, please?”

(My coworker seems a bit unsure at this point, but decides to ring it up for him anyway. The customer walks away happily with his purchase, and I make nothing more out of it. A few hours later, the customer comes storming back in, literally SLAMMING the game on the desk.)

Customer: “What the f*** is wrong with you people? Have you NO knowledge whatsoever about what you’re selling?! You got me the wrong game! My son already has this! Talk about a f****** rip off!”

(I quickly snatch a copy of ‘Mass Effect 3,’ and join them at the desk.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir, but I believe this is the game you were looking for.”

(The customer stares at the game case, clearly getting more angry.)

Customer: “Well, why the h*** couldn’t you have showed it to me earlier?!”

Me: “Because you wouldn’t allow me to. You told me to go back to my Pokémon.”

(At this point, the customer blushes greatly, but before he can say anything else my coworker intervenes.)

Coworker: “Let’s just make a return on that game and ring you up the right one.”

(The customer agrees, and is acting much calmer during the transaction. I’ve gotten quite used to prejudices at this store because of my gender, but at this point I was just happy his son could finally enjoy the right game!)

No Vocation For Location, Part 6

| Israel | Extra Stupid, Geography, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

(I am a South African, working at a hotel restaurant in Israel. The establishment has both servers and guests from all over the world. Generally people are interested in finding out where people are from and why they’re here. One day I am clearing a table for an American couple.)

Me: “Shalom! I hope you enjoyed your meal. May I take your plates?”

Husband: “Yes, please. It was great.”

Wife: “Hey, you sound weird. Where are you from?”

Me: “I’m from South Africa.”

Wife: “Really?! South Africa… where is that?”

Me: “Err…”

Husband: *embarrassed* “Honey, it’s in Africa. If you look at a map, it’s right down at the bottom.”

Wife: “Oh…” *blank look* “Oh! Kangaroos, right?”

Husband: “Err…” *looks at me apologetically*

Me: *just smiles* “I hope you enjoy the rest of your stay!”

Related:
No Vocation For Location, Part 5
No Vocation For Location, Part 4