Acting Like It’s The End Of The World

| Cornelius, OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Money

Me: “Hi! How are you today?”

Customer: “Three days ago the yarn was $1 and now it’s $3.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “Why isn’t it $1?”

Me: “Because it was on sale, but the sale ended yesterday.”

Customer: *annoyed, hands on her hips* “Why did it do that?!”

(I start laughing until I realize she’s dead serious. I quickly stop and look at her blankly.)

Me: “Um… because that’s what sales do. They… end.”

Not Cut Out For This Job

| Chicago, IL, USA | Bizarre

(It’s almost the end of a very long shift at the sample table and I’m exhausted. I guess I’ve just started to shut down, because I’m quiet and sort of zoned, but when I see a customer approaching I start back up.)

Me: “Hi, would you like to try any samples today?”

Customer: *leaps about a foot into the air* “I thought you were one of those cardboard people!”

A Muddied Understanding

| CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

(I’m the groomer at a veterinary hospital. I get paged to reception to answer a question.)

Me: “Thanks for waiting. What can I do for you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I was wondering if you offered mud baths?”

Me: “Mud baths?”

Customer: “Well, my dogs coat is so dry, and my skin is always so nice after one, so I was wondering if you gave mud baths to dogs?”

Me: “Um, no. If I did I would just have to wash it all off right after, so it would be a bit counter productive. If the skin or coat is dry I would recommend a shampoo with oatmeal.”

Customer: “Oh, that makes sense! Thanks for your time!” *walks out*

Calling At All Stations To The 19th Century

| FL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Religion, Top

(I’m working in the deli section of my store part-time and studying computer science at a local university. Tomorrow I have an exam and it’s making it hard to concentrate at work, as the elderly woman I’m serving notices.)

Customer: “Excuse me, young man. I said I wanted the smoked ham, not the honey ham.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry about that. I’m just a little distracted. Smoked ham coming right up.”

Customer: “You really should pay closer attention to your work.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I just have an exam tomorrow and it’s a little hard to concentrate.”

Customer: “You look a little old to still be in high school.”

Me: “I’m not in high school. I’m studying computer science at [University].”

Customer: “[University]? Oh, no, no, no. That won’t do at all.”

Me: *stopping slicing* “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Oh, honey, you need to leave that university right away. You’re not smart enough to go to college.”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “If you were, you wouldn’t be working here. Besides, God ordained you to be part of the servant class. The purpose of your life is to serve the good people, like me.”

(My jaw is hanging open.)

Customer: “You need to invest yourself totally in your work here. This is what people like you were meant for. You should never try to rise above your station. You’ll make God very angry.”

Me: “…well. I’m just going to step away from my ‘station’ for a moment. [Coworker], could you give me a hand here? I really need to step out.”

(I walked into the cooler, closed the door all the way, and didn’t come back until the customer had gone and I had calmed down.)

When The Cat’s Away The Dogs Have A Spa Day

| CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

(I am the groomer at a veterinary hospital. Midway through my shift I go to grab a cat I have scheduled for a bath. To keep their stress to a minimum there is a room that is exclusively for cats. All boarding and grooming cats are kept there. As soon as I enter the room the cat is already growling and hissing. Take note: the cat has a short coat and the hair looks very shiny. After a quick glance at the chart I call up the owner.)

Me: “[Cat] is already a little grumpy, so I’m a bit hesitant to work on him. I don’t want to stress him out any more than I have to. His coat looks pretty clean. Was there a particular reason you wanted him washed today?”

Client: “Well, my dogs are there to get groomed all the time, getting their spa days. I didn’t want him feeling left out…”

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