Her Ranting Leaves You Breathless

| VA, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Technology

(I work in a call center for a small cell phone company. I get a call from an elderly lady about her service.)

Customer: “I need my information to go to a different company.”

Me: “I’d be happy to help—”

Customer: “My phone got stolen and I’m on breathing treatments and I need a phone so I’m getting a [Other Company] phone.”

Me: “All right, I’d be happy to help. Now, I see here that your services are currently disconnected. I do apologize. You would need to pay this balance to reconnect your service before we will be able to take your number to [Other Company].”

Customer: *starts crying* “My phone got stolen and I can’t afford to pay this. I got texting removed at [Store] in West Virginia and reported it stolen! I didn’t do any of those charges. I’m going to tell all of my friends and family to leave you!”

Me: “I do apologize, ma’am. I’d be happy to help and see if there’s something we can work out with you.”

Customer: *immediately stops crying on a dime* “I’m not paying it! My bill is only supposed to be $30 a month!”

Me: “I do apologize; I’m seeing your bill is actually $50 a month. I do see overages on your account but I’d be happy to check with another department to work with you.”

Customer: “You don’t understand! I couldn’t get to the store to report my phone stolen because there’s only one cab in [City] in West Virginia! I couldn’t get to [Store]! My phone was stolen!”

(The customer continues to go on for several minutes in constant ranting and doesn’t let me speak at all.)

Me: “Ma’am, I do apologize. I’m not seeing that phone was suspended or that it’s listed here that it was reported as stolen. I’m also seeing that you’re calling from the phone—”

(The customer then hung up. But you know… For someone on breathing treatments she certainly was long winded! I hope she found her phone!)

Gotta Find Johnny Cash

| USA | Crazy Requests, Money

(My office handles reports of fraud, but has a reputation for trying to help everybody who calls in, even if it’s nothing that we usually handle.)

Me: “[Office], [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

Caller: “This guy is getting benefit checks and he’s working! He does odd jobs around the trailer park where we both live.”

Me: “Okay. We’re not the right place for this, but if you tell me a little more about what’s going on, I can try to find the right place for you.”

Caller: “His name is Johnny, and I don’t know what his space number is.”

Me: “Do you know who he gets his checks from?”

Caller: “Nope, don’t see him at the mailbox. But he brags about it.”

Me: “Do you know what kind of benefit checks he’s getting?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “I’m not sure on where to tell you to go.”

Caller: “Why don’t you take the information? You’re the fraud department, aren’t you? His name is Johnny, the trailer park is at [address], and he’s getting money from the government that he shouldn’t! Just write that down and investigate it.”

Me: “Do you have a surname for Johnny?”

Caller: “Nope.”

Me: *inwardly sighing* “Well, I’ll do my best to get this to the right people.”

Caller: “Thank you!” *hangs up*

(At this point, my coworker comes over as I’m staring at the notes from the call.)

Coworker: “What was that all about?”

Me: “I think I’ve found the fraud line equivalent of ‘I once read a book. It was blue.'”

Learning That Theft Is Not A Game

| Roanoke, VA, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Family & Kids

(This exchange is short, but occurred years ago while working at the front register of a local office supply retailer in the area. The way this building is set up is that you pass through two sets of doors, connected by a small hallway with glass panels so that we can see people entering/departing. I finish ringing up a young woman and her son, who has remained very quiet throughout the entire purchasing exchange. Then this happens.)

Me: “Thank you for your business. Have a nice day.”

Customer: “Thanks. Let’s go, [Son].”

(The two make their way out; I happen to glance at them as they are walking away and notice the boy keeping his hands tucked behind his back. He is holding a small computer game disc out of view. At first I didn’t see it as theft; I couldn’t remember if I had rang it up. Regardless, I stepped over and before they got halfway through:)

Me: “Sorry, miss, did you want me to bag his game as well?”

Customer: “Wha-? Game?”

(She then turns and sees what her son is holding, becoming pale and suddenly frantic. She snatches up the game and the boy’s hand, charging back into the store telling me how sorry she is and that she is making him take it back right away. I just stand there sort of in awe.)

Her: “Wait until your father gets home!”

Son: *says nothing, hanging his head, walking sulkily out the door behind his mother*

Me: “Ah, well, then…” *under my breath* “…good luck, kid.”

Charged With Stupid Indignation

| Port St Lucie, FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Money, Theme Of The Month

(A customer presents two coupons, both for large sandwiches.)

Customer: “Can I use these both?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “Okay can I get a [Sandwich #1] and a [Sandwich #2]. But I want extra lettuce, tomato, and sauce on that one. And can I get one fish sandwich?”

Me: “Sure, just let me take these two coupons off for you, okay?”

(I give her the two free sandwiches so she’s only paying for one.)

Customer: “All right, that sounds good to me!”

(Her order is finished, she has the bag, her coupons were taken off, everything seems perfect. But of course, it isn’t.)

Customer: “Ma’am?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Is there something wrong here?”

Customer: “Well, yeah, you charged me for two sandwiches.”

Me: *checks the receipt* “The only sandwich you paid for was the one with extra toppings. They came to a little more, but I assure you, you only paid for one of the three.”

Customer: “No, you charged me. Look here.” *points to the one sandwich she paid for*

Me: “Yes, I charged you for that sandwich. But where it says ‘1P,’ means it was free. There is one on the [Sandwich #1] and one on the fish.”

Customer: “But you charged me for two sandwiches.”

Me: *speaks a little slower* “The 1P next to the sandwiches make them $0. Free. You have two free sandwiches. Two.”

Customer: “Ma’am. You charged me for two.”

(I wanted to bash my head into the register. Finally after about six minutes, she finally understood that I only charged for one sandwich, and then left happily.)

Promo Is Too Slow-Mo

, | Port St Lucie, FL, USA | Money, Technology, Theme Of The Month

(I work for a very large, well know fast food company. I am a manager, and coupons can only be taken off by a manager. Every single time there is a coupon I have to put in a code. Every. Single. Time.)

Me: *in the front of the store filling orders*

Crew Member #1: “PROMO!”

Me: *runs to opposite end of the store to take it off*

Me: *goes back up front to correct a customer complaint*

Crew Member #1: “PROMO!”

Me: *knows line can’t move until I take it off, but I can’t leave the customer*

Me: *finally takes off the coupon in drive-thru*

Crew Member #2: “I need a promo!”

Me: *runs back to the front of the store*

(The phone rings. It’s a customer inquiry.)

Crew Member #1: “PROMO, PLEASE! AND I NEED A DISCOUNT!”

Crew Member #2: “Can I get a promo?”

(I talked on the phone while bagging orders while promo-ing off the front order, then ran to the back, still picking up the food items I needed on the way, promo-ing that off while still answering a customer’s question while having the headset on to make sure my drive-thru people are taking the correct orders. Needless to say, I left the coupon button on automatic for the rest of the day. Coupons are a lot more work than you think. F*** that s***!)

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