H2-Slow, Part 9

| MI, USA | Right | September 12, 2015

(One early morning I answer the calls.)

Me: “This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I was wondering if you carried dehydrated water?”

Me: “I’m sorry, dehydrated water?”

Customer: “Yes, dehydrated water.”

Me: “Are you sure you don’t mean distilled water?”

Customer: *getting annoyed* “No, I definitely mean dehydrated water.”

Me: “Sir, to dehydrate something is to remove the moisture. If you remove moisture from water, you get air.”

Customer: “Oh, never mind!”

Related:
H2Slow, Part 8
H2Slow, Part 7
H2Slow, Part 6

Got Burned

| Right | September 11, 2015

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She Can’t Get With The Program(mers)

| NY, USA | Right | September 11, 2015

(I am browsing in a large, well known office supply store, in the computer section.)

Customer: “Do you like computers?”

Me: “Yeah. I actually want to start learning [Programming Language]. I like—”

Customer: “Oh, so you’re a coder?”

Me: “Not really—”

Customer: “Cool. I was looking for someone to code me a website!”

Me: “I can’t do that.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because, A: The most complex thing I know is Scratch, and B: Even if I did know [Programming Language], it’s used for apps. So I can’t help you.”

Customer: “Can’t you just do it in, I dunno, 2-math?”

Me: “You mean base 2? Like, Binary Code?”

Customer: “NO! 2-MATH!”

Me: “Um, no. I can’t code a website for you in bi- um, ‘2-math.'”

Customer: “I’ll pay you twenty dollars…”

(She continues to follow me around the store, asking me to do various tasks for her. Keep in mind, I AM NOT A PROGRAMMER. And that wasn’t all; she wanted graphic design, too.)

Employee: “Oh great.”

Me: *still with the customer behind me* “What?”

Employee: “Her again?”

(He proceeded to kick the annoying customer out.)

Employee: “I have no idea why she thinks everyone in the computer section can design a website for her. Really, who looks for a programmer in [Store]?”

Not Getting Owned By The Owner

| Seattle, WA, USA | Right | September 11, 2015

(I happen to work at a chain whose owner shares the same last name as me. It’s pure coincidence but still comes in handy as shown below:)

Me: “Hello there! Will this be all?”

Lady: *gives me a disapproving look and places her merchandise on my register. I continue making small talk as I ring her up*

Me: “Will this be on your store card today?”

Lady: “Excuse me, do you know who I am?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Lady: “I am Dr. [Name], wife of Dr. [Name]. As a regular customer I expect to be addressed accordingly!”

Me: “…uh… I do apologize, ma’am.”

Lady: “That’s DOCTOR [Name] to you! Are you not listening to me or are you just r******d?”

Me: “Again, I apologize. I’m still relatively new here and have not had a chance to get to know all of our regular clientele.”

Lady: “Well, I’m still going to report you for such blatant disrespect. Who is your manager?”

Me: “That would be [Manager].”

Lady: “Well, expect them to give you a proper reprimand when I tell them…” *she looks at my name tag*  “Wait… Your last name is [Owner’s Name]?”

Me: “That’s right.”

Lady: “As in the Franchise Owner’s name?”

(I nod and the lady suddenly looks a lot less irritated, and a lot more worried.)

Lady: “Uh… actually, as you said, you’re new so I can overlook this… Ermmm…”

(She scurries off and my manager comes over trying to suppress his giggles.)

Manager: “That woman comes in here and makes life hell for everyone just because she and her husband met the owner on one occasion at a party. Looks like I owe you an apology.”

Me: “What for?”

Manager: “I thought you were being pretentious by asking to have your first and last name on your name tag. Now I see the genius behind it. Well done.”

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Damaged Beyond My Despair

| IA, USA | Right | September 11, 2015

(A library patron returns a DVD with the case so scraped and bent that it can’t be put through the unlocking machine.)

Librarian: “And there’s a $6.75 fine on your card.”

Patron: “What? Why?”

Librarian: “Your DVD case was damaged and will have to be replaced.”

Patron: “You people didn’t unlock it before we left. I gave it to my son, and he tried his best to get it loose. He only used a butter knife.”

Librarian: “I’m sorry we didn’t unlock it. When that happens, you need to bring it back to us, not try to pry it open.”

Patron: “We didn’t even get to watch it, so I don’t see why we should have to pay for it.”

Librarian: “The case is so badly damaged that it’s no longer usable.”

Patron: “How is that damage? It was only a butter knife!”

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