Top 5 Funniest Stories Of July 2014

Not Always Right | Roundups

July 2014 Top Story Roundup: Here are Not Always Right’s top-rated stories for last month!

  1. Didn’t Have The Backbone To Say It (2,786 thumbs up)
  2. Wants The Number Of The Devil (2,425 thumbs up)
  3. A Bark As Bad As The Bite (2,286 thumbs up)
  4. Filled With Creamy Justice (2,166 thumbs up)
  5. That Snobby Attitude Isn’t Working For You (1,992 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

The Price Of Not Listening

| Yorkshire, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Money

(I am working in a busy photo booth on a Saturday. A lady waves me over because she is struggling to use the photo machines.)

Customer: “Hey, help me. This machine is saying that you can’t print out my photos for me.”

(I check the machine. The limit for our one-hour printing service is 200 prints. If customers need more than 200, they have to choose the 24 hour service. However, I decide to be helpful.)

Me: “Okay, the reason it won’t work for the one hour service is that you’re asking for 212 prints. That isn’t usually allowed, but since there’s no other pictures for me to print, I’ll put the order through. However, it will cost a lot more to get them all printed within the hour. Are you sure you don’t want to come back tomorrow?”

Customer: “Yes, yes, I need them today.”

Me: “That’s fine, but it will be almost twice the price—”

Customer: “YES, that’s fine. I need them today!”

(I process the order and she leaves. An hour later she returns for her pictures.)

Me: “Here are your prints. Your total is [total].”

Customer: “What? No it isn’t! That’s far more than I expected! It’s double the price! Why is it so expensive?”

Me: *sighing inwardly* “The prints cost more if you select the one hour service.”

Customer: “Well, nobody told me that. You should have told me it would cost more! This is ridiculous. I’m NEVER coming here AGAIN!”

Pizza Topping Flopping

| Scotland, UK | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I work in a very small family run pizza shop, I am the only person who takes orders and I take them both on the phone and from the counter. A young woman comes in and orders three pizzas with three unusual topping combinations. As she orders I realize that we already have an identical order that has been phoned in waiting for collection under that name Smith.)

Me: “We already have an order for what you’re asking for, to be collected for Smith. Did someone perhaps phone in the order for you to collect?”

Customer: “Well, that’s my surname but no one has phoned the order in ahead of time. So, it can’t be for me.”

Me: “Sorry, are you sure? Things is, it’s a very unusual order. I can’t imagine one person phoning it in and then another person coming in and ordering the same thing. The phone number they left was [home phone number]. Are you sure no one else could have phoned it in earlier?”

Customer: “No that’s definitely not me. Don’t give me those. Make me mine fresh.”

(The customer leaves with her fresh pizzas and no one has come to collect the order for Smith, so I phone the number left with the order to see why no one has been to collect it. An older woman answers the phone and I explain that no one has been to collect the order.)

Customer #2: “Well, I don’t know how that can be because we are eating it right now!”

Me: “Was it you that collected the order?”

Customer #2: “No, it was my daughter.”

Me: “We did have a young woman in ask for an identical order to your phone order but she assured me, when I told her the name and phone number, that it was not her collection and insisted that we make hers fresh and a separate order.”

Customer #2: “How is that my problem?”

Me: “Well, you see, we have now made two orders for you and you have only paid for one of them. Now we have an order here going to waste and we are out of pocket. I would just advise in future that if someone else is collecting an order maybe you should make sure they not re-order when they arrive to avoid this. It is really not a big deal. It is just policy that I phone and check on uncollected orders. I thought you should be aware of what happened.”

Customer #2: “Oh, I see. So, you choose to phone me and interrupt my dinner to tell me that YOU’RE incompetent and are unable to perform the simple task of taking orders.”

Me: “Sorry, I—” *customer hangs up*

Transaction Was Above (Mother)Board

| Victorville, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Wild & Unruly

(A customer brings in a PC that has an obviously blown motherboard. I take the side off and see black scorch mark on the power supply, and know something had blow badly.)

Me: “Well, I don’t know if the hard drive is good or not. A diagnostic is $50, but if we do repairs we take that off the labor.”

Customer: “Nah, I’ll just replace the board.”

Me: “Do you want us to do it?”

Customer: “No, I have done all this stuff before.”

(Confused then as to why he needed us to do a diagnostic, I sell him a new board. It takes a new CPU, and a new power supply. It happens to use his old RAM and as a freebie, I test it and the new board worked with his. Two days later:)

Customer: “The motherboard you sold me does not work.”

Me: “What? We tested it, with the new power supply. Is it your drive that is dead?”

Customer: “No. It is the board! You sold me a bad board.”

Me: “Well, you saw it work with your RAM. Are you sure it is not just the drives?”

Customer: “No. I told you it is the board!”

Me: “Well, let’s have a look.”

(I open the machine. I disconnect the drives from power and data. I hit the power and smell smoke.)

Me: “Woah! What the h***! Pull the power cord!”

Customer: “See! It is a bad board.”

(I look a little closer because the cards don’t seem to be fitting in very well.)

Me: “Sir, did you mount this on the standoffs?”

Customer: “Standoffs? What do you mean?”

Me: “Well, this board has great pictures in the manual. Here they are.”

(I point out the standoffs and how it shows placing them before mounting the board.)

Customer: “Oh, those. They were in the way so I took them out. I don’t need a d*** book! I know what I am doing!”

Me: “Well, you needed those standoffs. You destroyed this board.”

Customer: “No, I didn’t!”

Me: “Sir, the instructions are clear. You must put in the standoffs. Otherwise all the solder points on the back of the board can short out. This board has been mounted wrong and is probably dead.”

Customer: “I want to talk to your manager!”

(My manager  is already there because the customer is getting louder.)

Manager: “Yes?”

Customer: “This idiot says I mounted the board wrong! He won’t admit he sold me a bad board!”

Manager: “Now, I heard he tested your old RAM when you were here yesterday.”

Customer: “Yah.”

Manager: “And it worked then?”

Customer: “F*** you!”

Manager: “You need to leave now, sir.”

Customer: “I want my money back! You people are f****** crooks!”

Manager: “No, a crook is someone that f**** up their own shit and then tries to blame others for it. Get the h*** out of my store!”

(The customer stormed out and smashed his computer in the parking lot. After stomping on it a few times, he ran over it with his car. It was a shame. It was a nice case.)

One Brick Shy Of A Load

| USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal

(I work for a firearm retailer. We put out an ad every month stating our monthly sales. It always states ‘while supplies last.’ A ‘brick’ is 500 rounds of ammo. A well dressed older gentleman walks up to counter.)

Me: “Hello, sir. What can I do for you today?”

Customer: “I’d like to buy a brick of 22.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We sold out earlier today.”

(The customer pulls out the ad, slams it on the counter and points to the bricks of 22.)

Customer: “And then what is this?”

Me: “It’s an ad for 22, but everything is ‘while supplies last.'”

Customer: “Do you understand the law of ‘false advertising?'”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Well, [My Name], you will be hearing from my lawyer!” *smirks and briskly walks away*

Manager: “Third threat of legal action this month; we’re on a roll.”

(A lawyer actually called the next day and mentioned me specifically. He stated that he was only calling because his client paid him to ‘look into it.’ Nothing, of course, happened.)

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