The Perfect Answer

| Newark, DE, USA | Awesome Workers, Geography

(Two customers come into my store.)

Me: “Hey, guys, if you have any questions just let me know.”

Customer #1: “What’s the capital of Bolivia?”

Me: “That’s one I don’t know off the top of my head.”

Customer #1: “You said any question!”

Me: “Yeah, I did, but I never said I’d have the answer.”

Customer #2: *looks at customer #1* “That’s true, she didn’t say she’d have the answer.”

Customer #1: “D*** it!”

Sorry, Please Chai Again

| Olympia, WA, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

(I am working in a new coffee shop on campus that is very busy at certain times of the day. We start to notice a professor pulling a scam on us at our peak times. Every day she waits until we are really busy. She waits with her friend in line but does not order anything. Then, after ‘waiting’ a while, she demands to know where her drink is. Several students are pulling this scam as well. We put up a sign that says you have to present your receipt, and make sure we tell everyone that orders. All the scams stop, except one.)

Professor: *slamming her hand over and over on the pickup counter* “Where is my chai?! Where is my chai?!”

Coworker: “Do you have your receipt?”

Professor: *indignant* “No.”

Coworker: “Then you don’t have a chai.”

(She never tried to pull the scam on us again!)

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 30

| CT, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

(I work for a cable services call center where sometimes customers call in thinking they’re talking to their local cable store.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I want my credit card back right now!”

Me: *confused* “I… I’m sorry ma’am. What do you mean?”

Customer: “You heard me! I gave you guys my credit card a week ago. I want it back right now or else I’m going to call the police!”

Me: *still confused* “I’m terribly sorry, ma’am. I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about. Could you please explain your situation to me so that I can better assist you?”

(The customer goes on to explain this really bizarre story where she was walking to her local cable store to make a payment, but they were closed by the time she got there. She tore off the bottom portion of her billing statement, the part that you detach and mail along with a check payment, and put that in an envelope along with her credit card and a note that read, “please process payment and mail to forwarding address.” She then dropped that envelope into the drop box near the cable store entrance. This woman actually assumed someone at the store would process her payment and mail her credit card back to her, which didn’t happen. I am sitting in my chair silently dumbfounded for at least 10 seconds at the sheer stupidity of this customer.)

Customer: “Hello? Are you there, sir?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I apologize for the long pause. I’m sorry but you are actually speaking to the call center and not the store. Have you spoken to your bank yet regarding the issue?”

Customer: “No! Because you guys have my credit card and I want it back!! Are you going to make me drive all the way to the store just to get my card back?”

Me: “That’s actually unnecessary as they might not be able to help you anyway. For one thing, there’s a strong possibility your card has been stolen, and—”

Customer: “What the f***! What am I suppose to do now?”

Me: “The first thing you want to do is contact your bank to let them know your card has been stolen.”

Customer: *in a sarcastic tone* “And why should I have to do your dirty work?”

Me: *in a similar sarcastic tone* “Because we’re not the ones who put a credit card into a drop box intended for check payments only.”

Customer: “Well, smarta**, how was I suppose to make my payment, then?”

Me: “Ma’am, you do realize that you could’ve make your payment over the phone, right?”

Customer: “Pfft, you expect me to trust one of your reps with my credit card information?”

Me: “Considering you dropped your credit card into a drop box blindly trusting one of the store employees to return it back to you… YES!”

Customer: “This is f***** ridiculous! Transfer me to the department that will cancel my service. I don’t want to do business with crooks!”

Me: “Sure. One moment, please.”

(I transferred the lady to the retention department where I explained to the rep the bizarre story. We had a good laugh at the woman’s expense. I would later receive an e-mail from the same rep stating the notations I left behind were e-mailed to everyone in her department and mine. Everyone was in agreement that I had the craziest customer service story in the entire company.)

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 29
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 28
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 27
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 26
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 25

In Line And Out Of Line, Part 5

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior

(There’s a long line of customers with two staff members serving. The phone rings and my coworker answers.)

Coworker: “Hi, this [Coworker]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Do you have [item] in stock? I need to buy one.”

Coworker: *runs to check, comes back to the phone* “Yes, we have it in stock. Would you like me to hold one for you?”

Customer: “Yes. I’ll be in to pick it up. My name is [Customer]. Good bye.”

(My coworker goes back to serving the line. She serves two customers and then gets to the third one.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m [Customer] and am here to pick up [item].”

Coworker: “You called me while in the line?”

Customer: “Yes. I am in a hurry and didn’t want to wait while you went to get the item.”

Coworker: “Really? Did you realise that I had to spend extra time with the last two customers apologising to them because they were irate that I took a phone call while they were waiting? You would have been gone by now if you had simply waited your turn.”

Related:
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 4
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 3
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 2
In Line And Out Of Line

Tech Support’s Biggest Fan

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work in IT, supporting other employees at my company. I have received a ticket from one user complaining that his computer fan has completely jammed, and has stopped working entirely. As this is a pretty serious problem, I hurry over. When I get to his desk I see that his computer is on and the fan is running, although noisily.)

Me: “Oh, your computer’s fan isn’t jammed. It’s just running with a little more difficulty than usual. It probably needs to be cleaned.”

User: “What? How can you know that? You haven’t even opened up the computer to look.”

Me: “Well, if your computer’s fan had really stopped working entirely, your computer might be on fire.”

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