Top 5 Funniest Stories Of December 2014

Not Always Right | Roundups

December 2014 Top Story Roundup: Here are Not Always Right’s top-rated stories for last month!

  1. A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle (3,239 thumbs up)
  2. Cookies Are The Devil (2,615 thumbs up)
  3. Will Pay For That Later (2,525 thumbs up)
  4. Always Time For A Rhyme (2,464 thumbs up)
  5. Hired And Fired And Tired (2,266 thumbs up)

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PS #2: Read more roundups here!

A Day For A Dollar

| OR, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money

(I’m grocery shopping at the local discount store. I pick the line that looks shortest, and set my basket down. The fairly well-off looking woman in front of me has apparently been accidentally overcharged a dollar, due to the ancient cash registers requiring the cashier to key in the amount to charge someone’s card.)

Woman: *angrily* “You do realize that this refund will take three days to go through? Three days I have to wait for my money! Couldn’t you just give me a dollar?!”

(At this point, it’s obvious that the woman’s been going off like this for some time. The manager is trying to calm her down while showing the cashier how to run the return. The poor cashier looks like he’s looking for a hole to crawl into and die in.)

Me: “You know, if you’re in such bad financial straits that being out a dollar for three days is going to completely wreck your budget, I could give you your dollar. I’m unemployed, on food stamps, and having to scrounge recyclables to return for cash to fill my gas tank, but if you’re making such a fuss over being out a dollar for three days, you’re obviously poorer than me.” *holds out a dollar bill*

(The woman goes beet red and signs the return in silence, then darts out to her car.)

Cashier: “Thanks, ma’am, you’re awesome.” *fistbumps me*

I Don’t Speak Racist

, | USA | Awesome Workers, Bad Behavior, Bigotry

(One of my teammates is calling me to transfer a customer’s call. I’m born and raised in California. She is of Asian descent, and although her English is quite good it’s not her first language and she has her native accent.)

Teammate: “My customer says he wants to talk to an ‘American.’ He won’t talk to me at all.”

Me: “Seriously? It still amazes me how bigoted some people can be. I’m sorry; I’ll be GLAD to take the call.”

Teammate: *trying to stifle the tears brought on by the customer’s abusive comments towards her* “Thank you; I’ll bring him on.” *pause* “Sir? I have my banker [My Name] on the line. He will be taking your call from here.”

Me: *with a very slight Eastern Indian accent* “Hello, thank you for calling [Bank]. How may I help you today?”

Customer: What the f***! I said I wanted to talk to a god-d**** American! I DEMAND that you get me a blue-blooded American on the phone, RIGHT NOW, or you are going to be in a WORLD of hurt. NOW!”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way. The person that transferred your call to me was BY FAR one of the most qualified bankers we have, and—”

Customer: “YOU SHUT UP! GET ME AN AMERICAN NOW, or I swear to god, you’re NOT going to like what comes next!”

Me: “I’m as American as they come. Born in the US, and lived here most of my life. Unfortunately, I don’t share your ridiculously myopic, bigoted views on other cultures, and find it unlikely that we’re going to be able to communicate.”

Customer: “What?!”

Me: “We just don’t speak the same language. I don’t feel—”

Customer: “Hey! I talk English, just like you! I’m not gonna let one of those [racial slur] or [even worse racial slur] look at my—”

Me: “—see, that’s just it. I don’t speak that language. Since we don’t offer language translation services for your particular language, I’m afraid I’ll have to disconnect at this point. Have a great day, and thank you for calling [Bank].”

Customer: “Hey! Wait! I need—” *click*

(One of the supervisors (that doesn’t like me much) listens in on the call, and afterwards immediately reports me to management. The next day, I get pulled into a closed-door meeting with the center’s head-manager.)

Manager: “I’m sure you know why you’re here. This was completely inappropriate; you know very well that ALL customers are due the same level of service, no matter what their particular beliefs are, and what you did was so out-of-bounds, I’m not even sure where I would start in filling out the paperwork to let you go. So, since I don’t know where to start, I suppose it wouldn’t make much sense to even try. That being said, PLEASE keep yourself in check. We’re a professional organization, and our customers expect the utmost respect from us when they call, okay?”

Me: “Yeah. I’m sorry. If it happens again, I’ll just get a supervisor.”

Manager: “Sounds good. Glad we had this talk. Hey, on a more personal note – good job! Don’t EVER do it again, but good job. All the managers have listened to it, and we were all rolling with laughter – we couldn’t believe that you stood up to him like you did. Just… you know; don’t do it again.” *wink*