K, Your Total Is…

| Right | October 11, 2015

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GPS: Great Practitioners Of Stupidity, Part 3

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Right | October 10, 2015

(An elderly woman comes into the store and asks for a new GPS because her old one is “broken.”)

Me: “How long have you had the GPS?”

Woman: “Three years.”

Me: “That doesn’t seem that old. Usually, they last longer. What is wrong with it?”

Woman: “I was driving in Cobourg and it got me lost many times.”

(Cobourg is a town with new developments.)

Me: “When was the last time you updated the maps?”

Woman: “What?”

(I explain to her that she needs to update the maps in order to get accurate results. She responded by saying she does not own a computer and thought I was trying to sell her a computer she did not need. I show her some of the GPS that we have and recommended a basic one with lifetime maps.)

Woman: “Why can’t I get this one? It’s $40 cheaper.”

Me: “It does not have free map updates. To update a single map costs $60-$80, so you’re saving money.”

Woman: “I don’t need to update the maps. It tells you where you’re going!”

(I gave up. She bought the GPS that did not have the lifetime maps. I’m still waiting for her to come back and tell me the new GPS is broken.)

Related:
GPS: Great Practitioners Of Stupidity, Part 2
GPS: Great Practitioners Of Stupidity

Should Have Explained More Plainly

, | Basildon, England, UK | Right | October 10, 2015

(I work throughout college. A woman approaches my till with her young daughter.)

Me: “Hi, what would you like today?”

(The woman leans down and says to her daughter loud enough for everyone to hear:)

Woman: “See? THIS is what happens when you don’t do well at school!” *stands up and gives her order extremely slowly, pronouncing every syllable deliberately while I’m trying not to laugh* “…and a plain burger. PLAIN. Do you know what that means?”

Me: “Yes, I’m aware. That’ll be [total], please.”

Woman: “No… No, is that burger PLAAAIN?”

Me: “Yeees, I put that through. [Total], please.”

Woman: “Explain what plain means for me so I’m sure.”

Me: “It means plain, devoid of condiments, bereft of ketchup, void of mustard, a lack of lettuce and onions, nothing but a solitary burger on a lonely bun, the isolated meat longing for the sweet embrace of salads and sauces but doomed to remain on its barren bed awaiting sweet consumption.”

Woman: “What does that mean?”

Me: *head-desk* “[Total], please.”

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The Final Word On Passwords, Part 2

| Chicago, IL, USA | Right | October 10, 2015

(I work at a call center helpdesk. As with most call centers, the bulk of calls we receive are for password resets. The following was between a coworker and one of our callers:)

Coworker: “I can reset the password back to the password you had before. That way we can keep it the same and you won’t have to rem—”

Caller: “NO. I don’t want that. I have a billion passwords already; I don’t want to be remembering another. Let’s just change it to something different.”

Related:
The Final Word On Passwords

More Likely To Fly With Honey Than Vinegar

| Houston, TX, USA | Right | October 10, 2015

(My wife and I are at the airport to fly out on vacation. The weather has gotten bad, and every single flight in has been delayed. We are waiting in line to talk to a ticket agent about when our flight will be in. There’s a businessman in front of us.)

Agent: “I’m sorry, sir, but every flight in the airport is delayed. I can’t get you on anything sooner than two hours from now.”

Businessman: “That’s not acceptable! I’m very important!”

(This goes on for several minutes, and the businessman finally steps away from the agent’s counter in a huff.

My Wife: *stepping up to the agent* “On behalf of ourselves and the entire human population, I’d like to apologize for him!”

Agent: “That’s nice of you to say! Thank you!”

(We get our new flight information for a flight on our original airline. It’s about four hours after our flight was originally scheduled. We walk away from the counter. After about 30 seconds, we are paged back to the counter.)

Agent: “I’ve found you a flight on [Competitor’s Airline]. It leaves in about 1½ hours. Thanks again!”

(Just proves the old adage about catching more flies with honey than vinegar…)

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