Not So Fast Food

, | TX, USA | Food & Drink, Time

(The district manager of the fast food chain is in the building making sure everything is up to standards, so the store manager is a bit tense. I am working on the drive-thru window, where we have a target time of 90 seconds from starting the order to delivering the food. A driver pulls up to the order box.)

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Uh… I’d like a… hmm, number… three? And… uh, no pickles on that.”

Me: “All right, number three with no pickles. What would you like to drink?”

Customer: “Umm, make it… a, uh… Sprite. No, wait. Uh, do you have… diet Sprite?”

Me: *eyeing my timer and wishing he’d hurry up* “No, sorry. Is regular Sprite okay?”

Customer: “No, change it to… a Coke.”

Manager: “[My Name], timer’s ticking.”

Me: “So I have a number three, no pickles, Coke to drink. Will that be all for you today?”

Customer: “No, no, I’m not done. I also want… a number…” *trails off and starts talking to someone else in the car* “…a number nine.”

Me: “And the drink with that?”

Manager: “You’re usually good on the drive through, but if you don’t hurry this up you’ll be in trouble.”

(I mouth ‘sorry!’ at him.)

Customer: “A milkshake to drink.”

Me: “Yes, sir, which flavor?”

Customer: “Uh… chocolate? No, not chocolate… Umm… Strawberry. Yeah, strawberry.”

Me: “Anything else?”

Customer: “Uh…”

Manager: “What is taking you so long?!”

(He grabs a headset to listen in on the order.)

Customer: “I want a… uh… kid’s meal. With… uh… hmm… chicken nuggets.”

Me: “And the drink for that one, sir?”

Customer: “Ummm…”

Manager: *with his headset muted* “…Oh. Carry on.”

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Different Cast, Same Script

| Orlando, FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

(When vacationing at this company’s theme parks, I am often asked questions as if I work there, even though I don’t dress or look like their typical employees. It may be just because I plan ahead and look like I know where I’m going. I am walking with my two sons, both of whom are under ten years old. Two 20-something guests approach:)

Guest #1: “Excuse me, which direction does the parade come from?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t know. I’m not a cast member.”

Guest #1: “Huh? Then what do you do?”

Me: “What?”

Guest #2: “What DO you do for [Theme Park Company]?”

(First and only time I’ve said ‘I’m not a Theme Park cast member,’ yet the guests still thought I MUST still work for the company!)

Grand Theft Innocence, Part 12

| Kolding, Denmark | Bizarre, Spouses & Partners

(It is shortly after the EU release of the popular video game ‘Grand Theft Auto V.’ I have just gotten off from work, and am walking through the supermarket I work at to get to the employee exit. I have just entered the beverage section of the supermarket, when suddenly a guy around the age of 18 comes crashing into one of the beverages coolers on a three-wheel kids bike.)

Me: “Whaa-”

(Before i get to react, he turns his head to me, still sitting on the bike, and looks at me.)

Customer: “Yo, give me all your money, b****!”

(I just stand completely confused, when suddenly he turns his head back down the aisle he came from.)

Customer: “Aww, f***, they are on to me!”

(He quickly pedals away from me on the little bike, followed by a girl I presumed to be his girlfriend running after him. She faces me shortly before running after him.)

Customer’s Girlfriend: “I’m so sorry. He has been playing that new Grand Theft Auto game all week.”

Customer: *a couple of aisles away* “You ain’t getting me punk!”

Related:
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 11
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 10
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 9

No Button To Get Out Of This One

| San Antonio, TX, USA | Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

(I’m in an arts and crafts store where they wear white polos and green aprons, wearing my light blue local theme park uniform. I’m approached by a foreign customer.)

Customer: *heavy Indian accent* “Can you show me where the buttons?”

Me: “Oh, sorry, I don’t work—”

Customer: “BUTTONS. Can you show me where the buttons?!”

Me: “I could grab an employee.”

Customer: *stares at me expectantly*

Me: “Uhhm. Right this way.”

(I proceed to show him where I was pretty sure the buttons were. He thanks me and I walk off. Figure it was easier than the truth!)

Needs More Self-Help Than Self-Checkout

| Tucson, AZ, USA | At The Checkout, Technology

(I’m a customer at the grocery store using the self-check out. Another customer and his wife approach the self-check out when the husband suddenly stops and turns to his wife.)

Customer: “I’m not using self-check out! Those machines are smarter than I am!”

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