Party Supplies In His Pants

| Charlotte, NC, USA | Rude & Risque, Spouses & Partners, Technology

(I am working the tablet display counter when a man walks in with his wife.)

Customer: “So, what’s the difference between these two tablets?”

Me: “This one has a faster processor and is better for playing video games or watching movies.”

Customer: “Good, because I’ll need the larger screen to watch all that po-… uh, party supplies…”

(At this, I can’t keep it together. The wife promptly collects her husband and leaves. As they’re leaving, he says…)

Customer: “I wanted to look at party supplies, honest…”

They Can’t Bee Serious

| UK | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

(I work in a health food store that stocks a pretty good line of all kinds of different specialty honeys.)

Customer: *holds up jar* “Excuse me. This honey… is it from free-range bees?”

Drug Test: Scoring A Big Fat ‘D’

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal, Rude & Risque

(I am doing to pre-closing activities when a young man runs up, puts his hands on the checkout desk, and leans toward me in a panic.)

Customer: *under his breath* “Where do you keep the penises?”

Me: “I must have misheard you, sir. The what?”

Customer: *still mumbling, looking around* “You know what I’m talking about. The penises.”

Me: “I… know what those are. I’m not sure why you would think we’d carry them.”

Customer: *getting agitated* “Not, like, real ones. You know, they come in… like… black, and white, and Asian.”

Me: “Wait, you’re looking for a fake penis?”

Customer: *relieved that he’s gotten through to me* “Yeah, like, so you can fill it with urine. From someone else. For a thing. Where are they?”

Me: *now realizing this is one of our many ‘help me pass a drug test’ customers* “We don’t carry anything to help you pass a drug test, or perform any other illegal activity. I can’t sell you ANYTHING now. Store policy. Please leave.”

Customer: “Who said anything about a drug test?”

Me: “Sir, for what legitimate purpose could you be filling a fake penis with someone else’s urine?”

(The customer struggled for a moment, looked around, and left.)