What Your Country Can Do For You

| Denver, CO, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Military

(I’m with my dad, who is an army vet, and three of my friends. My family has no money right now, so my friends are paying.)

Waiter: “Here’s your bill. The couple over there paid for $50.”

Paying Friend: “What?”

Me: “What?”

Waiter: “They didn’t tell you?”

My Dad: “No, they didn’t.”

Waiter: “They saw your vet hat, and said that they’ll pay for $50.”

Me: “Faith in humanity is über restored!”

(To that couple who paid for most of our meal, thank you. Your actions did more than you know for not just my family, but my friends as well. You are saints among men.)

Sold Out Of Common Decency

| Dunedin, FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Family & Kids

(I work at a small but locally famous family-owned barbeque stand. I manage the front area and prepare the food for orders.)

Customer: “I am very angry! I came here from [local town that is not far away] to get some of your sausage, and you’re sold out!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I’m sorry. The sausage is a specialty item because it is home made, so we will usually sell out because we are only open two days per week. We cannot make a lot of it because it won’t keep fresh through next week. It’s also 15 minutes before closing, so we are usually sold out of everything by now, but you can try our chopped pork if you would like!”

Customer: “Well, that’s stupid! Why are you only open two days a week!? That is so inconvenient for me!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. When we opened, the owner was retired and only wanted to run this for a couple of days per week. It also takes a while to prepare everything by hand.”

Customer: “What a lazy a**! Let me talk to the owner now! I want to tell him to his face that he needs to think of the customers before himself!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, our owner passed away earlier this year from leukemia. It was in the local news. He kept our hours limited because of his health. You can speak with his widow if you would like; she is in the back.”

Customer: “…I’m so sorry. Uh, I’ll just come back next week…”

No Vocation For Location, Part 7

| Baltimore, MD, USA | Geography, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

Me: “Thank you for calling [airline]; this is [my name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, I want to book a flight from here to Los Angeles.”

Me: “Okay, what city are you departing from?”

Caller: “I want to go to Los Angeles.”

Me: “From where?”

Caller: “From here.”

Me: “What city are you in?”

Caller: “The same as you.”

Me: “I’m in Baltimore, Maryland. Is that where you are?”

Caller: “No. Can’t you tell from my phone number?”

Me: “We have no way of knowing where you’re calling from. If you tell me what city you’d like to depart from, I can look up the flights for you.”

Caller: “Well if you don’t know where I am, what good are you?” *click*

Related:
No Vocation For Location, Part 6
No Vocation For Location, Part 5
No Vocation For Location, Part 4

Drugs Can Make You See Things

| Canada | At The Checkout, Funny Names, Health & Body, Top

(I am at the pharmacy picking up my prescription. I am standing in line behind a very elderly lady.)

Pharmacist: “Hello, ma’am. What can I do for you?”

Elderly Lady: “I am picking up my prescription. It’s under Mrs. [last name].”

(I overhear the elderly lady, and realize that she has the same last name as I do. This is not a totally uncommon name, but it doesn’t happen too often.)

Pharmacist: “Okay! Here we go I think it’s… huh…”

(The pharmacist looks confused as she picks up some pills.)

Pharmacist: “Can you tell me your first name please? I don’t think I grabbed the right one.”

Elderly Lady: “Sure, it’s [first name].”

(By a crazy coincidence, this is my first name too! At this point the pharmacist widens her eyes in shock as she stares at the pill box in her hand. She starts to stammer.)

Pharmacist: “But… um… I don’t… uhh… how?”

Me: “Um, I think those might be mine. I have the same first name and last name. Those are my birth control pills.”

Pharmacist: “Oh thank GOD! I thought I was in the twilight zone!”

Elderly Lady: “Oh dear! No wonder! No I don’t want THOSE!”

Having A Light Bulb Moment, Part 3

, | Grand Canyon, AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

(It’s almost dusk at the gift shop I am running at the southern rim of the Grand Canyon. A tourist couple approaches.)

Woman: “Where is the best spot to watch the Canyon at night?”

Me: “Well, anywhere along the walkway is good, but the sun’s going down very soon.”

Man: “Yes, we want to be here when they turn on the lights.”

Me: “…lights?”

Woman: “Yes, so we can see it at night.”

Me: “Umm, the Canyon is over a mile deep at this point, and the northern rim is over a mile across from here. There aren’t any lights in it for nighttime.”

Man: “Then how do you see it at night?”

Me: “…basically it’s the big blackness out there.”

Related:
Having A Light Bulb Moment, Part 2
Having A Light Bulb Moment