Very Thin Listening Skills

| NJ, USA | Right | February 12, 2016

(When a customer calls to place an order, we have to ask what type of crust they want for their pizza if they don’t specify. This type of scenario happens all the time.)

Me: “And what type of crust do you want for your pizza: regular or thin and crispy?”

Customer: “Delivery.”

(I wish they’d at least pretend to listen.)

All Or Nothing

| Roanoke, VA, USA | Right | February 12, 2016

(A new general manager started a week ago. There is one customer who will often come to our to use the printing services. He has big orders pulled together, then returns a week later, looks at some of the order, pays for some of it and takes what he wants, leaving the remainder untaken and unpaid. The new general manager sees fit to change this.)

Guy:“I have this order I need done as soon as possible, I’ll return next week to take care of it.”

General Manager: “Certainly; however, we’re going to have to ask that you clear your balance first.”

Guy: “Clear my balance? What the h*** are you talking about?!”

General Manager: “Well, sir, you’ve been using the printing services for quite awhile, and it appears that you’re only picking up parts of your orders, leaving the rest here. Paying for what you want, leaving the rest. That isn’t happening anymore. If you want an order, we’re happy to make it for you, but you’re paying for all of it.”

Guy: “That’s bull-s***! I’ve been coming here for YEARS and no one has ever given me that type of attitude. I demand to speak to your manager!”

General Manager: *smiling* “Sir, I AM the new general manager. As I’ve said, you’ve been coming for YEARS and have left us with several hundred dollars worth of unpaid work, which is loss for us. Your total for all the work yet to be unpaid is $XXX.XX and that will be paid before any further work is completed.”

Guy: “No, forget this. Screw you. This is ridiculous. I’ve been a paying customer for years and you want to treat me this way?! You’ve lost my business!”

(The guy proceeds to storm out of the store. About three hours later, he calls back to further harass the general manager. Among the conversation was this particular line:)

Guy: *on phone* “And I’ll have you know, I was so upset, I had to come home and take two Valium to calm down!”

(That general manager is still, to this day, my hero.)

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Don’t Count On The Customer’s Ability To Count

| NJ, USA | Right | February 12, 2016

(I work at a popular drug store running the register. A lady comes up to me in a fast food uniform and buys some food products and cigarettes. She pays for the food with food stamps and swipes another card for the cigarettes.)

Me: “All right, ma’am, there’s $2.88 left on the transaction.”

Customer: *glaring at me and throws two dollars at me* “I want a dollar put on my other card.” *pulls out other debit card*

Me: “All right, no problem.” *manually enters that she paid $1.88 in cash, leaving a dollar left to go through on her debit card*

(She swipes her card but there’s still $.23 left on the transaction, meaning that that she didn’t have enough money in her debit account.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you still owe 23 cents.”

Customer: *starts shouting* “What the h*** did you do?! I gave you two dollars!”

Me: *taken aback* “Yes, you did, ma’am. You said you wanted to put a dollar on your debit card, so I took $1.88 out of your two dollars and was going to give you twelve cents in change. After that and your debit card, you still owe twenty three cents.”

Customer: “But I gave you two dollars!”

Me: “Okay… how about I take the twelve cents I was going to give you as change and put it towards the total?”

(The customer rolls her eyes and nods. At this point, there’s a line starting to form behind her.)

Me: “All right, now your total is down to eleven cents.”

Customer: “WHAT THE F*** ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! YOU JUST SAID MY TOTAL WAS 23 CENTS!”

Me: *shocked* “It was 23 cents, but I took the last twelve cents out of the two dollars you gave me!”

Customer: “I GAVE YOU TWO DOLLARS TO BEGIN WITH!”

Me: “Yes, you did! And I took two dollars in cash off of the total, but with that and what was taken off your debit card you still owe nine cents.”

Customer: “BUT YOU SAID I OWED 23 CENTS!”

(At this point I’m in complete shock and people are starting to get impatient. The customer throws a dime across the counter at me and after I give her her penny and her receipt, she glares at me.)

Customer: “Just so you know, I KNOW how to count. You’re lucky I don’t talk to your manager and get you fired! You should just admit you made a mistake!”

Me: “But… I didn’t…”

Customer: “I KNOW HOW TO COUNT!”

Treasure These Phone Calls

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Right | February 11, 2016

(I work in the sales and service department for a publishing company that specializes in religious curriculum. We often get calls from well-meaning but untrained church ladies who volunteer at their church when no one else will, in positions they have no right working at.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How may I help you?”

Church Lady: “Yes, I am the new treasurer at [Church] and the statement you sent us makes no sense whatsoever. Can you help me?”

Me: “Okay, I’ll be more than happy to help you. What is your question?”

Church Lady: “I don’t understand what it means on the bottom, where it says ‘Dollar sign seven-five-period-four-five.’”

Me: “Um… that is the amount your church owes. $75.45.”

Church Lady: “Oh, I guess I’ve just never seen it written like that before.”

The Client Condemned Himself

| TX, USA | Right | February 11, 2016

(My boss and I are having a discussion about an old house that is across the street from where he lives, and how he wishes he could buy it since it was once a beautiful two-storied Victorian home. As we’re talking, the phone rings, and as the receptionist, it’s my job to answer. I’m still talking with him as I pick the phone up.)

Me: “They might have to condemn it.” *on phone* [Law Office], how can I help you?”

Client: “Did you just curse at me?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Client: “You did! You just cursed at me! I heard you! You said “damn it” to me. I will not be talked to like that. I demand to speak to [Lawyer] right now!”

Me: “Sir, I didn’t say anything of the like. I was talking about—”

Client: “I heard what you said. I can’t believe you’d say something that horrible over the phone. I want to talk to [Lawyer] RIGHT NOW!”

(I put the client on phone and hand the phone over to my boss, the lawyer, and tell him what just happened.)

Lawyer: *picking up the phone* “Who is this…? Right. Mr. [Client], stop being an a** to my receptionist, d*** it. Now, there, it was said to you. What are you going to do? Nothing? Thought not. Call like that again, and I’ll drop your case.”

(Apparently, this client was always using some rude excuse to talk to the lawyer, just so he could complain. It wasn’t shortly after that he got dropped, because he was calling to harass the legal secretary for saying his name wrong once.)

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