Give Them An Inch And They’ll Take A Vile

| Duluth, MN, USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque

(I take a phone call for someone in the bedding department:)

Customer: “I’m looking for a white duvet, but I need it to cover a bedspread that is 96 x 114. I can’t seem to find anything that will fit.”

Me: “The closest thing I have is only 104″, but I think you could fit an extra 10″ in just fine.”

Customer: “Oh, believe me, honey. I’ve stuffed 10″ in before!”

Me: *stunned silence*

Customer: *laughing* “What did you say your name was? I am definitely going to find you when I come in to the store!”

Me: “Um, I think I can have it waiting at the checkout for you.”

Email Fail

| England, UK | Extra Stupid, Technology

(A customer has called during our peak morning hours. As all our technicians are busy, he leaves a message saying he cannot log in to his computer. I phone the customer, who is out on the road.)

Me: “Hi, [Customer]. It’s [My Name] from [Company]. I understand you can’t get into your computer?”

Customer: “Yes. I go into my emails and it doesn’t work.”

Me: “Okay so you can get into your computer but not your emails?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay, so it prompts you for the password but won’t log in?”

Customer: “That’s right.”

Me: “Unfortunately you have to speak to [Email Provider] as they host your emails. I have no access to their systems.”

Customer: “Ah, okay. Do you have a number for them?”

Me: “Certainly, it’s—”

Customer: “Can you email it to me?”

Me: “…”

Discount Their Math Skills

| Dayton, OH, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Money

(My store is having a sale for 20-40% off. A customer comes in with a return, and she wants to purchase some more items as well. I try to run it as an exchange, knowing this will actually save her money.)

Me: “Okay, after your store credit, you only owe $10.61.”

Customer: “Wait, what are you doing? I wanted 30% off!”

Me: “I realize that, ma’am, but actually, if you run this return as an exchange, you will actually pay less money than with the 30% off.”

Customer: “No! I wanted my 30% off! Just let me return this and get my 30% off!”

Me: “Okay, I can do that.”

(I do the return and then ring up her purchases.)

Customer: “Okay, your total with 30% off is $32.54.”

Customer: “There! That’s better!”

One More Thing That She Needs

| ME, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Bizarre

(I’m on an express checkout when a woman unloads her groceries onto my belt. We exchange friendly greetings.)

Me: “Did you find everything you needed okay?”

Customer: “Does it look like I did?”

Me: “…I guess?”

Customer: “Do they ask you to ask that?”

Me: “Yes, but I legitimately ask that question to make sure.”

Customer: “I hate it when people ask you that at the register. It’s all right there, and if I didn’t, I’d go back and get it!”

Me: “Well, that makes sense.”

Customer: “See, I’m a one woman army to get cashiers to stop asking that question!”

Must Be New To The Game

| San Diego, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Technology

(I am waiting in line to pay. The customer in front of me in line is an older woman.)

Employee: “Hi, did you find everything okay?”

Customer: “I’m actually here to return something.”

Employee: “I’m sorry to hear that. What are you returning?”

Customer: “This very violent video game.”

(She places a copy of a popular first-person-shooter game on the counter.)

Employee: “Thank you.”

(The employee opens the case to check the disc.)

Employee: “Ma’am, the game isn’t in here.”

Customer: “Sure it is. You’re holding it.”

Employee: “This is just the case. There’s no disc.”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Employee: “You can’t return an empty game case.”

Customer: “Why?”

(I decide to step in.)

Me: “It’s like buying a new coat and only getting the hanger.”

Customer: “Oh…”

(The employee hands over the box, and the customer leaves.)

Employee: “It’s going to be a long day, isn’t it?”

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