Won’t Go The Distance For The Sale

| Fort Walton Beach, FL, USA | Right | October 12, 2015

Me: “Thank you for calling [Craft Store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I was trying to order some blackout curtain fabric last night, and the website was acting up and I couldn’t order it. If I come into the store, can you order it for me if you don’t have enough?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “The problem is that I was trying to order it last night when it was on sale, and the sale ended at midnight, so now it’s full price. Is there any way I can still get it half price?”

Me: “I’m not management, so I can’t tell you for sure, but more than likely if you explain that to one of our managers, they will override the price for you since the website was malfunctioning.”

Customer: “Wonderful. Now, I’m staying in a hotel in [Town]. Can you give me directions? I mean, I’m a local, but [something about a realtor and having to stay in a hotel].”

Me: “I can give you basic directions. From [Town], you just have to take [Highway] until you cross the bridge, then turn right on [Other Highway], go a couple miles north past [Burger Joint] and the bridge, and we’re on the left in [Plaza].”

Customer: “That’s too far!”

Me: “I’m sorry. It’s really not that far from [Town].”

Customer: “Well, let me talk to someone else. Maybe they can give me better directions.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll put you on the phone with [Coworker]. Maybe she can help.” *puts customer on hold and radios coworker* “Can you talk to the woman on line one? I gave her directions, but I guess they weren’t good enough.”

(My coworker takes the call and I hear her give a slightly more detailed explanation of the directions I just gave the woman. Then I hear the phone being not-so-gently hung up.)

Me: “I see that went well?”

Coworker: “Evidently she didn’t like my directions either, because she hung up on me.”

Me: “Well, you gave her the same directions I did, so I guess she was disappointed that talking to someone else didn’t change the location of our store, because she thinks 15 miles is too far.”

Closed Down Compassion

| OR, USA | Right | October 12, 2015

(I work at a grocery store that was bought out by an out of state chain. After only three months, they decide to close almost half of the newly acquired stores. Everyone at my store is on edge and very emotional.)

Customer: “How dare you!”

Coworker: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “How dare you close this store? It’s the only one downtown; I won’t be able to shop.”

Coworker: “Ma’am, everyone that works here is upset about the situation. We had nothing to do with the—”

Customer: *interrupting* “I don’t care. You can’t close the store. Where will I shop?”

(My coworker starts sobbing.)

Me: *stepping in* “Listen. The employees here had nothing to do with this. The store managers had nothing to do with this. WE. ARE. ALL. LOSING. OUR. JOBS! I’m sure you’ll recover from the great inconvenience of having to drive an extra mile and a half, but everyone here is facing unemployment. Please consider that, and have a nice day.”

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Unplugged From Reality

| DE, USA | Right | October 12, 2015

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “My TV isn’t working.”

(After verifying the caller and running through some basic stuff:)

Me: “I’m sorry for the trouble. The cable box doesn’t seem to be responding. I will need you to unplug it.”

Caller: “How do I do that?”

Me: “Just pull the cord from the wall.”

Caller: *getting irritated* “SIR! I’M NOT AN ELECTRICIAN!”

End Credits Gets You Know Credit

| Petaluma, CA, USA | Right | October 12, 2015

(The movie has just ended and the only couple in attendance stay in their seats and continue watching the credits. Note: we only show one movie per night, so when it’s over we try to hurry and clean up so we can leave. For some reason the credits stop about five seconds early.)

Customer: “Excuse me! Why were the credits just cut off? That’s not where they were supposed to end and that was a beautiful song!!”

Me: “Um, I’m sorry, ma’am. The projector runs until the movie is over, so I think that’s where the reel ended.”

Customer: “No, it isn’t! I’m a musician and that was a beautiful song and I’m going to talk to the owner about what you guys did tonight! That was so rude to such an amazing work of art!”

Me: “Again, ma’am, I’m very sorry. I can see why you’re upset but I really think it was just the projector.”

Customer: “Well, I’m still mad about it. And the ventilation system in here is too loud! I could barely hear the movie! And these carpets are getting so worn; you really need to replace them!”

Me: *as couple walks out* “Yeah, I’m the janitor but I’ll get right on ordering new carpeting…”

(Afterwards my supervisor thanked me for getting rid of her and apologized because it was him who cut the credits short thinking it would make them leave sooner. Oops!)

Wish You Could Chicken Out

USA | Right | October 11, 2015

Customer: “I’ll have a chicken sandwich.”

Me: “What kind of chicken?”

Customer: “Chicken.”

Me: “What kind of chicken?”

Customer: “Chicken!”

Me: “We have multiple kinds – the chicken breast, the chicken bacon ranch, the sriracha chicken melt, the chicken teriyaki, the buffalo chicken, and the cordon bleu. What kind?”

Customer: “The kind you always give me.”

Me: “Sir, I don’t know what your regular is.”

Customer: “Chicken Teriyaki.”

Me: “Thank you. Provolone, pepperjack, white American cheese?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: *looks for the nearest wall to bang his head into*

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