Hired And Fired And Tired

| Baltimore, MD, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month, Top

(I’m shopping at a large electronics store. I’m dressed casually in a blue graphic tee which, if you aren’t paying attention, for a second might look like what the employees wear.)

Other Customer: “I need you to find this for me.”

(I don’t respond as I am not aware that she is talking to me. I am reading the specs on the back of a box. The other customer then shoves an opened item in my hands on top of the box I am holding.)

Me: “What the h***?!”

Other Customer: “HELLO?! FIND this for me.”

Me: *hands it back to her* “I don’t work here. Work on your manners, lady.”

Other Customer: *she just stares at me for a minute* “YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!”

(I just shake my head and start walking away. She is really getting on my nerves.)

Other Customer: *following me* “STOP RIGHT THERE! You are NOT allowed to talk to paying customers that way!”

Me: “I’M a paying customer. I don’t work here! Go away!”

Other Customer: “I want to talk to your manager! You need to be fired for your attitude.”

Me: “They can’t fire me if I don’t work here. Stop following me!”

(At this point, other people are staring, laughing at the lady, and sharing sympathetic looks with me.)

Other Customer: “Oh, we’ll see about that!”

(A manager steps in as this lady has made a scene in the store and a lot of people have taken notice.)

Manager: “What seems to be the problem here?”

Other Customer: “This b**** is giving me the worst attitude! I have never been treated so badly in all my life!”

Me: “And this psycho keeps following me around thinking I work here! I keep telling her I don’t work here!”

Other Customer: “You won’t be working here if you keep up your b****y attitude!”

(The manager is clearly very uncomfortable.)

Manager: “Uh, ma’am, she doesn’t actually work here.”

Other Customer: “You need to handle this! Fire this b**** immediately!”

(The manager looks around at the customers and employees who have gathered at a safe distance and are snickering at the scene. He looks at me and shrugs.)

Manager: *to me* “Uh… You’re fired, ma’am?”

Me: *dramatically and smiling* “YOU CAN’T FIRE ME BEFORE YOU’VE EVEN HIRED ME!”

Manager: *smiling* “I’d like to offer you a job as an associate. Awesome pay and benefits?”

Me: “I’ll TAKE it!”

Manager: “You’re fired.”

Me: “NOOOOOOO! How could you?!”

(The crowd starts laughing.)

Other Customer: “Are you MOCKING me?!”

Me: “He’s just giving you what you demanded. Now quit bothering me.”

(She turned bright red and stormed out of the store without another word.)

Should Have Been Carted Away

| Cedar Hill, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money

(The woman currently being served has a shopping cart PILED with food, clothes and toiletries, but most of it has been rung up and bagged, so I think she is almost done. However, the next man in line, cart about 2/3 full, turns out to be her adult son, and his cart is added to her purchases. No problem, I think; only one payment to process instead of two, this will be even faster. Then the trouble begins.)

Cashier: “Your total is [nearly $900].”

Customer: “Okay.” *swipes card*

Cashier: “I’m sorry, ma’am, it’s declined.”

Customer: “Try it again!”

Cashier: *does so* “Hmm, declined. Do you have another card?”

Customer: “No, I know there’s money on that card! You’re not doing it right!”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, ma’am, sometimes the machine doesn’t read the strip. Let me type your number in manually… No, I’m sorry, it’s still declined. Do you have another method of payment, like a check?”

Customer: “Who writes checks anymore? I got this check CARD! That’s what it’s for!”

Cashier: “How about a credit card? Visa, Mastercard, Amex—”

Customer: “No, credit cards are a scam. Are you saying I don’t have any money? I HAVE MONEY!” *waving debit card*

Cashier: “It doesn’t tell me why it’s declined, ma’am, just that it is. There’s an ATM right there, if you’d like to step out of line and verify your balance while I ring up the next person—”

Customer: “NO! You’re helping ME! Don’t you move!”

(She has her adult son stand behind her carts so I can’t move up to the scanner belt. The cashier sighs, and shoots me an ‘I’m sorry’ look. The customer goes over to ATM and fiddles around for a few minutes, then gets on her cell phone to the bank but is stymied by the automated prompts. I think this surely can’t go on much longer, as we’re approaching the 15-minute mark for her transaction.)

Cashier: “Ma’am, if you can’t pay at this time, I need you to move aside and let other customers through. I can suspend your transaction so we won’t have to ring everything up again when you have your payment ready.”

Customer: “NO. I have money on this card! I always use this card here, and you always give me trouble about it!”

Cashier: “Do you have another card I can try? Or possibly you could remove some items from your transaction and try again with a lower total—”

Customer: “NO! I need all this stuff! And I always pay with THIS CARD! I’m not on welfare. I have money! Why won’t you take my card?!”

(The cashier summons a manager, who tells the woman the same thing; if she doesn’t have a working debit card or other form of payment, she will have to leave her two full carts of bagged items and come back when she can pay.)

Customer: “…and THAT is why I always carry cash!”

(She whipped out a huge roll of bills and peeled off the required amount, with plenty left over, then strolled out with her son and their two shopping carts as every employee and customer in earshot stood with jaws on the floor.)

Not A Game To Some People

| MI, USA | Bizarre, Technology

(I work at a video game store. Lots of random people wander in, especially people from the nail salon across the hall. One day an old lady walks in.)

Me: “Could I help you find anything?”

Customer: “Yes, do you have any used Josh Groban CDs?”

Me: “Unfortunately not. You’d want to check the used CD/DVD store up the road for something like that.”

Customer: *astonished by this revelation* “Then what the h*** is all this s***?!”

Me: “Umm, video games. This is a game store.”

Customer: “Video games? What the h*** has the world come to?!”

(She gave a look of disapproval, and left angry.)