Speaking American Is A Country Diction In Terms, Part 3

| Torino, Italy | Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

(As the city is hosting a big international event, we’ve been having a lot of people asking for information about venues, transports, and such. For guests’ convenience we set up two different lines, one for information in English and Spanish and one for information in French and German, as these are the four main languages our guests require. We used flags to represent languages, with a standard UK flag standing for English. A third colleague is standing by the door, answering questions in miscellaneous other languages and directing people to the lines. A couple walks in and addresses him in English.)

Guest: “Excuse me, sir?”

Coworker: “Yes, sir? How can I help you?”

Guest: “We need information in American. Which one of these lines is the correct one?”

(My coworker points to the English speaking line.)

Guest: *pointing to the flag* “That’s an English flag. There’s no American flag here. Are you sure this is the correct line?”

Coworker: *trying not to laugh* “Yes, sir. Yes, I’m quite sure it is.”

(At this point the couple cuts the entire 20-something people line and simply walks up to me while I’m busy with another guest.)

Guest: “Good morning, we would like to know if—”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but you can’t just cut the line like that.”

Guest: “But your colleague said this was the American speaking line.”

Me: “It is sir, but as you can see there’s a lot of people waiting for information. You’ll have to wait like everybody else. I promise you it won’t be long.”

Guest: “But… but… I’m AMERICAN!”

Related:
Speaking American Is A Country Diction In Terms, Part 2
Speaking American Is A Country Diction In Terms

Taxing Faxing, Part 15

| Charlotte, NC, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Technology

(Callers place orders for a certain drinkable product. They can also call in to track their orders. One such customer places her order and calls back a few days later to see where her package is.)

Me: “I’m showing it was delivered via UPS this afternoon.”

Caller: “It was MAILED?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Caller: “Why wasn’t it faxed? You all did this every other time! I want a refund, now! I have a dinner party and I am so embarrassed! I bragged on this and you failed horribly!”

Me: “Ma’am, we aren’t able to fax this order, I am sorry. We can send a new order out if needed but it won’t arrive until day after tomorrow at the earliest. Have you checked everywhere, or asked your neighbors?”

Caller: “I don’t need to! It’s not my fault you all are incompetent morons… Oh! I’m pulling up to my house now, and I see it! Still refund me, as I have a headache from this call!” *click*

Related:
Taxing Faxing, Part 14
Taxing Faxing, Part 13
Taxing Faxing, Part 12

Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 9

| Boston, MA, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

(I own a small bakery/coffee shop in Boston. I have three bakers and one barista, as our customer quantity isn’t very high. It’s my barista’s day off, so a baker and I have been rotating between performing her duties and our own.)

Customer: *looks at menu* “Give me a large [smoothie], two cinnamon buns, and a loaf of bread.”

Baker #1: “Yes, sir. Anything else for you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I want a…” *trails off*

Me: *pokes my head out of the kitchen door* “Sorry to interrupt, sir, but my baker is needed elsewhere. [Baker #1], [Baker #2] needs your help.”

Baker #1: “Okay.” *heads to kitchen*

Customer: “I want a specialty coffee with that.”

Me: “Of course, sir. Anything else?”

Customer: “No. And I’m the owner’s husband, so I get free food.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I can’t do that.”

Customer: “What, b****? You’re not going to give me my food? What makes you so special, you little s***?”

Me: “Sir, I refuse to give you free food. You have no connection with the owner.”

Customer: “F*** you. I demand to see the manager.”

Me: “Of course, sir.”

(I go into the kitchen and send Baker #1 out. I hear the man curse some more and demand to see the owner. Baker #1 re-enters and tells me to go back out.)

Me: “Hello again, sir. I hear you wish to speak to the owner.”

(The man stuttered, turned red, and ran off without taking his food.)

Related:
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 8
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 7
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 6