Ye Olde Fool

| Belgium | Health & Body, History, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

(I am breastfeeding my three-month-old baby quietly in a corner of a medieval festival. I am a participant. In front of me is a display of medieval stuff that I make. A tourist is passing by, and sniffs.)

Tourist: “Like they did that in the middle ages!”

Me: “Do you mean the breastfeeding? Of course they did; how else would they feed their baby?”

Tourist: “If you knew a bit about history, you would know that they hired other women to feed the baby.”

Me: “It is true that high-born ladies hired nurse maids to feed their baby and look after them, but how do you think these hired women fed the baby?”

Tourist: “With a bottle of cow’s milk of course! Jeez!”

About To Get Charged With Battery, Part 3

| Springfield, OH, USA | Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal, Technology

(I have worked with a customer for about 10 or so minutes to find a pair of jeans. I hear a beeping from what sounds like a cell phone coming from the customer, but he is ignoring it.)

Me: “We have some of these on clearance here—if you need to take that, it’s fine.”

Customer: “Oh naw, that’s just my bracelet.”

(The customer leans down to his ankle to reveal a huge black bracelet for house arrest.)

Customer: “The battery is dying.”

Me: “Oh, okay.”

(We move to the register.)

Me: “We have a [drugstore] close by if you need any sort of battery.”

Customer: “Naw, I gotta go home and charge it. Can I go put these on?”

Me: “Sure, let me take the tags off for you, and we can process it when you come back.”

(He returns after this, and we process the exchange. He thanks me, and his bracelet begins to beep again…)

Related:
About To Get Charged With Battery, Part 2
About To Get Charged With Battery

Unnatural Attitude

| Anchorage, AK, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body

(This month, we are taking donations for children with a particular disease, and ask our customers if they’d like to donate at the end of the transaction. I ask the current customer if he would like to make a small donation.)

Customer: “No thanks. I believe in natural selection.”

(I freeze, and so does everyone standing behind him.)

Me: “Sir, this is for children with [disease].”

Customer: “Yeah, I know. Still, natural selection. If I had [disease], I know I wouldn’t want people donating to save me if I was going to die. The money can be better spent on other things.”

(By this point, half the line is glaring at him, and I’m still stunned.)

Me: “Even if you were a child, sir?”

Customer: “Yup.”

Me: “…here’s your receipt.”

(The customer leaves, and I begin taking care of the next customer.)

Next Customer: “Before you get too far, I’d like to donate $2 to make up for that guy. ‘Natural selection!’ What a monster!”

(After this customer, everyone in line who has seen our exchange made a sizable donation for the cause! Certainly made up for ‘natural selection’ guy!)

Putting The Day Into A High Note

, | OR, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Musical Mayhem

(I am working the drive-thru at a fast food restaurant, and we have been having a rough night. It has been non-stop busy, and several customers have been very rude. A car pulls up, and I greet them.)

Me: “Hi! How can I help you?”

Customer: *singing in mock-opera style* “Just a momeeeennnt!”

(Laughter erupts from the backseat, as a coworker and I exchange a look, stifling laughter.)

Me: “Just let me know when you’re ready!”

Customer: *still singing* “Can I get twwooooo large chocolate shaaaakes!?”

(My headset is off, because I am laughing loudly as I enter their order.)

Customer: “And one laaarge strawberry shaaaake?”

Me: “Okay, I will have your total at the second window!”

(They get to the window, and it’s a woman and two young girls in the back, all of them with big grins, and giggling.)

Me: “That was absolutely fantastic! My coworker and I couldn’t stop laughing!”

Customer: “Did we make your night?”

Me: “Oh, yes!”

(After the customer leaves, we spend another 10 minutes just laughing until our sides hurt. Thank you so much for the laugh! It’s people like you who make it all worth it!)

The Greatest Deal In American History

| Delaware County, PA, USA | History

(A car dealership just outside of Philadelphia is running an oil change special for $17.76. I overhear the following conversation at a convenience store.)

Customer #1: “[Car dealership] doesn’t make sense. $17.76 for an oil change. Don’t specials always have 99 cents in the end?”

Customer #2: “I know, it’s confusing! Probably just some number they pulled out of their a**!”

Clerk: “The Declaration of Independence was signed in 1776. Here. In Philadelphia!”

Customers #1 & #2: *blank stares*