Learning That Theft Is Not A Game

| Roanoke, VA, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Family & Kids

(This exchange is short, but occurred years ago while working at the front register of a local office supply retailer in the area. The way this building is set up is that you pass through two sets of doors, connected by a small hallway with glass panels so that we can see people entering/departing. I finish ringing up a young woman and her son, who has remained very quiet throughout the entire purchasing exchange. Then this happens.)

Me: “Thank you for your business. Have a nice day.”

Customer: “Thanks. Let’s go, [Son].”

(The two make their way out; I happen to glance at them as they are walking away and notice the boy keeping his hands tucked behind his back. He is holding a small computer game disc out of view. At first I didn’t see it as theft; I couldn’t remember if I had rang it up. Regardless, I stepped over and before they got halfway through:)

Me: “Sorry, miss, did you want me to bag his game as well?”

Customer: “Wha-? Game?”

(She then turns and sees what her son is holding, becoming pale and suddenly frantic. She snatches up the game and the boy’s hand, charging back into the store telling me how sorry she is and that she is making him take it back right away. I just stand there sort of in awe.)

Her: “Wait until your father gets home!”

Son: *says nothing, hanging his head, walking sulkily out the door behind his mother*

Me: “Ah, well, then…” *under my breath* “…good luck, kid.”

Charged With Stupid Indignation

| Port St Lucie, FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Money, Theme Of The Month

(A customer presents two coupons, both for large sandwiches.)

Customer: “Can I use these both?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “Okay can I get a [Sandwich #1] and a [Sandwich #2]. But I want extra lettuce, tomato, and sauce on that one. And can I get one fish sandwich?”

Me: “Sure, just let me take these two coupons off for you, okay?”

(I give her the two free sandwiches so she’s only paying for one.)

Customer: “All right, that sounds good to me!”

(Her order is finished, she has the bag, her coupons were taken off, everything seems perfect. But of course, it isn’t.)

Customer: “Ma’am?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Is there something wrong here?”

Customer: “Well, yeah, you charged me for two sandwiches.”

Me: *checks the receipt* “The only sandwich you paid for was the one with extra toppings. They came to a little more, but I assure you, you only paid for one of the three.”

Customer: “No, you charged me. Look here.” *points to the one sandwich she paid for*

Me: “Yes, I charged you for that sandwich. But where it says ‘1P,’ means it was free. There is one on the [Sandwich #1] and one on the fish.”

Customer: “But you charged me for two sandwiches.”

Me: *speaks a little slower* “The 1P next to the sandwiches make them $0. Free. You have two free sandwiches. Two.”

Customer: “Ma’am. You charged me for two.”

(I wanted to bash my head into the register. Finally after about six minutes, she finally understood that I only charged for one sandwich, and then left happily.)

Promo Is Too Slow-Mo

, | Port St Lucie, FL, USA | Money, Technology, Theme Of The Month

(I work for a very large, well know fast food company. I am a manager, and coupons can only be taken off by a manager. Every single time there is a coupon I have to put in a code. Every. Single. Time.)

Me: *in the front of the store filling orders*

Crew Member #1: “PROMO!”

Me: *runs to opposite end of the store to take it off*

Me: *goes back up front to correct a customer complaint*

Crew Member #1: “PROMO!”

Me: *knows line can’t move until I take it off, but I can’t leave the customer*

Me: *finally takes off the coupon in drive-thru*

Crew Member #2: “I need a promo!”

Me: *runs back to the front of the store*

(The phone rings. It’s a customer inquiry.)

Crew Member #1: “PROMO, PLEASE! AND I NEED A DISCOUNT!”

Crew Member #2: “Can I get a promo?”

(I talked on the phone while bagging orders while promo-ing off the front order, then ran to the back, still picking up the food items I needed on the way, promo-ing that off while still answering a customer’s question while having the headset on to make sure my drive-thru people are taking the correct orders. Needless to say, I left the coupon button on automatic for the rest of the day. Coupons are a lot more work than you think. F*** that s***!)

A Lack Of Branding Understanding

| CT, USA | Crazy Requests, Money, Theme Of The Month

(I’ve just finished ringing up a whole shopping cart’s worth of groceries for a customer. As usual, I tell her the total and ask if she has any coupons. She hands me a stack of over 20 of them. When the first one doesn’t scan as valid, I start checking her bags to see why the system isn’t recognizing the coupon.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I don’t see the [Yogurt Brand #1] yogurt that’s here on this coupon. You only bought the [Yogurt Brand #2]. Is that right?”

Customer: “Yes, that’s right.”

Me: “Okay, because the coupon is only valid for [Yogurt #1]. Sorry.” *handing it back to her*

Customer: “Yeah, I know, but I don’t like [Yogurt #1]. I like [Yogurt #2].”

Me: “Well, then unfortunately, you won’t be able to use this coupon. Sorry.” *still trying to hand it back to her*

Customer: “Excuse me? Why the h*** not?”

Me: “Umm… well, because you can’t apply one company’s coupon to another company’s product.”

Customer: “But yogurt is yogurt. Why do you care which one I buy?”

Me: “I don’t, but the [Yogurt #1] company won’t reimburse the store for a discount on [Yogurt #2]’s goods. It’s only for that one specific brand, not for yogurt in general.”

Customer: “But I don’t like [Yogurt #1] and I shouldn’t have to pay more just to get the [Yogurt #2] that I like. Just apply the damn coupon already and stop trying to be a coupon Nazi!”

(At this point, I give up and call over the front-end supervisor. I explain the situation and he takes a look at the coupon. He tells her the same thing I did and she starts throwing a hissy fit about not liking Yogurt #1.)

Supervisor: “Okay, ma’am, please stay calm. It’s only 60 cents, so I’ll apply the discount manually, but please remember next time to either purchase the brand of yogurt on the coupon or just buy the brand you like without a coupon.”

Customer: “Finally! Was that so hard?!”

(The supervisor walks away and I start scanning the rest of her coupons. The very next one gives me the same error. A chill goes down my spine, dreading the answer to my next question.)

Me: “Ma’am, did you buy [Cereal Brand #1]? I only see [Cereal Brand #2] on your receipt.”

Customer: “But I don’t like [Cereal #2], so give me the discount on [Cereal #1] instead.”

(Silently appalled, I glare down at the half-inch-thick stack of coupons she gave me.)

Me: “Do… do ANY of these coupons match the brand you bought, ma’am?”

Customer: “I doubt it. I hate those mainstream brands of food. Too many preservatives and glutens. But who cares what I buy? Stop being a coupon Nazi!”

(I call over the supervisor again. He refuses to give any more discounts on her unmatched coupons and hands the stack back to her. Out of nowhere, she smacks his hand away, making the coupons fly all over the floor.)

Customer: “Well, fine. Then f*** you and f*** your store and f*** all you stupid f****** coupon Nazis! Nazis, Nazis, Nazis!”

(She storms away and out the door, leaving her groceries. Everyone at the registers watches her through the windows barking ‘Nazis!’ at every person she passes in the parking lot. Meanwhile, the next customer is picking up the coupons that the woman scattered on the floor in front of him. He hands them to me in two stacks.)

Customer #2: “Here you go. You can take the small pile and put them somewhere. But the bigger pile is stuff I actually have in my cart to buy today, so I’ll be using those coupons.” *faces out the window* “Thank you, crazy coupon lady!”

They Won’t Stop For Muffin

| Montreal, QC, Canada | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I’m a cook working the breakfast shift. I notice two women sitting at the bar arguing with the waitress. We no longer serve bagels due to lack of sales and a high volume of losses, this being specified on the menu.)

Customer #1: “So, do you guys serve like bagel sandwiches. You know like the ones at [Popular Chain Restaurant]?”

Waitress: “I’m sorry, but those are not offered on the menu.”

Customer #2: “But you can make it right?”

Waitress: “Is it on the menu?”

Customer #2: “No, but can you?”

Waitress: “It’s not on the menu, so I”ll have to say no.”

Customer #2: “You do make breakfast sandwiches though?”

Waitress: “Well, that is on the menu so yes.”

Customer #1: “Okay, so we’ll take the English muffin.”

Waitress: “Okay.”

Customer #1: “But I want to switch the ham for bacon.”

Waitress: “We can do that.”

Customer #1: “I’ll also want lettuce and tomato in it.”

Customer #2: “At the same time we’d like to switch the English muffin for a bagel.”

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