Not In His Salad Days Anymore

, | WA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Military

(I am a civilian contractor at a military installation’s dining hall. Unlike some of the comfort facilities at the installation, we don’t have restrictions on who can dine here; as long as they can access the installation, they can eat. It is my turn to tear down the salad bar at the end of dinner. I have taken out all of the utensils and begun to pull the dishes, when an older man in civilian clothing comes up behind me.)

Customer: “What are you doing with the salad bar?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Did you order a salad?”

Customer: “No, I just wanted to get a few of these.” *gestures at the fruit mix at the end of the bar*

Me: “So, you did order a salad bar?”

Customer: “No, I just wanted to get a few of these.”

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: “Oh, you mean I have to order a salad bar to get things from the salad bar?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “Oh.”

Artificial Unintelligence, Part 2

| Australia | Extra Stupid, Technology

Me: “Welcome to the support team. You’re speaking with [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Caller: “Check claim status.”

(I realise he thinks I’m a recording.)

Me: “Not a problem, sir. Can I ask which service your claim was for?”

Caller: “Skip questions.”

Me: “Um… sir, I do need to know the details of your claim so I can track it?”

Caller: “Eugh! Stupid machine… SKIP questions!”

Me: “Um.. I’m sorry, sir, but I’m not a machine. I need to know—”

Caller: “Main menu!”

Me: “Sir, I’m not a recording. I can help with your enquiry, but I have to ask a few questions first.”

Caller: “Oh, thank god. A person!”

Related:
Artificial Unintelligence

The Collapse Of Human Decency

, | MI, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Top

(I work in the fuel kiosk at a popular chain grocery store. There is only one person in the kiosk at a time, unless cash office people are counting the safe money. I have not been feeling well, but come into work anyways.)

Cash Office Worker: “Could you shut the safe for me?”

Me: “Sure.” *notice a customer at the window and stand* “Hi, how can I—”

(Suddenly I get very dizzy and pass out, hitting my head on the concrete floor. When I come to, my coworker is standing over me.)

Cash Office Worker: “The manager is on his way, and an ambulance. Don’t try to sit up yet. Are you cold? Do you hurt anywhere?”

Customer: “ISN’T ANYONE GOING TO F****** HELP ME?!”

Cash Office Worker: “He’s been yelling for about two minutes now, even though he saw you pass out.”

(The manager comes running into the kiosk.)

Manager: “Is she okay? The ambulance is almost here. I heard the sirens.”

Me: “I’m okay but I think my head is bleeding.”

Customer: “ARE YOU THE MANAGER? GET YOUR LAZY-A** EMPLOYEES TO DO THEIR F****** JOBS!”

Manager: “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

(The customer not only stood there and yelled the entire time, but later filed a complaint against me!)

Top 5 Funniest Stories Of July 2014

Not Always Right | Roundups

July 2014 Top Story Roundup: Here are Not Always Right’s top-rated stories for last month!

  1. Didn’t Have The Backbone To Say It (2,786 thumbs up)
  2. Wants The Number Of The Devil (2,425 thumbs up)
  3. A Bark As Bad As The Bite (2,286 thumbs up)
  4. Filled With Creamy Justice (2,166 thumbs up)
  5. That Snobby Attitude Isn’t Working For You (1,992 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

The Price Of Not Listening

| Yorkshire, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Money

(I am working in a busy photo booth on a Saturday. A lady waves me over because she is struggling to use the photo machines.)

Customer: “Hey, help me. This machine is saying that you can’t print out my photos for me.”

(I check the machine. The limit for our one-hour printing service is 200 prints. If customers need more than 200, they have to choose the 24 hour service. However, I decide to be helpful.)

Me: “Okay, the reason it won’t work for the one hour service is that you’re asking for 212 prints. That isn’t usually allowed, but since there’s no other pictures for me to print, I’ll put the order through. However, it will cost a lot more to get them all printed within the hour. Are you sure you don’t want to come back tomorrow?”

Customer: “Yes, yes, I need them today.”

Me: “That’s fine, but it will be almost twice the price—”

Customer: “YES, that’s fine. I need them today!”

(I process the order and she leaves. An hour later she returns for her pictures.)

Me: “Here are your prints. Your total is [total].”

Customer: “What? No it isn’t! That’s far more than I expected! It’s double the price! Why is it so expensive?”

Me: *sighing inwardly* “The prints cost more if you select the one hour service.”

Customer: “Well, nobody told me that. You should have told me it would cost more! This is ridiculous. I’m NEVER coming here AGAIN!”

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