Not Feeling Neutral About Those Colors

| New Zealand | Right | September 17, 2015

(I have a customer in our specials book to call when we receive new stock of a certain style of shoe in. We have a note by her name that said ‘likes navy and grey.’ Like a lot of people that shop with us, she obviously likes neutral tones that go with everything. I ring her yesterday when we receive a new shipment in grey. When I tell her, she says, ‘oh, grey,’ in a disappointed voice.)

Customer: “I was hoping for a bit of colour.”

Just Floating That Idea Out There

| CA, USA | Right | September 17, 2015

(I work for a company in California that rents out houseboats for vacations. Someone calls in.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [My Name]; how may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, I was just wondering when my power was going to be back on.”

(I assume the customer means the generator on his houseboat stopped functioning.)

Me: *confused* “What lake are you at?”

Caller: “What lake? I’m at my house in Virginia.”

Me: “Well, this is a houseboat rental company in California.”

Caller: “Yeah, I know.”

Me: “How would we know when your power is coming back on?”

Caller: “I don’t know.”

Minimum Spend, Maximum Satisfaction

| Boston, MA, USA | Right | September 17, 2015

(I work at a small bookstore. We have a credit card minimum. I get so sick of people telling me that this is illegal that I look up the legislation a few months ago. A woman brings a greeting card to the front.)

Me: “$2.66, please.”

Woman: *hands me a credit card*

Me: “Do you happen to have cash? We have a $7 minimum.”

Woman: *gleefully angry* “Oh! That’s against the law young man, and I’ll be reporting you!”

Me: “Actually, it’s not.”

Woman: “Yes, it is! What’s the name of this business?!”

Me: “2010 house resolution 4173, also known as the Dodd-Frank act, says we can set up to a $10 minimum as long as it’s consistent between issuers. It’s on page 698. And the name is [Store].”

Woman: “You’re a little smart a**.” *throws greeting card on the ground and walks away*

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Customers With Very Specific Baggage

| Tigard, OR, USA | Right | September 17, 2015

(I work at a large retail store. On the credit card machine, at the end of every transaction, a one question survey would pop up for the customer, asking to rate our customer service, from 1 to 5. I’ve just finished ringing up a customer and put her items in a plastic bag. She has been fairly normal so far, until…)

Customer: “Do you have any bags with handles?”

Me: “Yes, all our bags have handles.”

Customer: “No, I mean a paper bag. I don’t want plastic.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. All we have are plastic bags.”

Customer: *angrily replies* “Well, I don’t want a plastic bag!”

(She then picks up the stylus pen and chooses “1” on the customer service questions, deliberately pushing down so hard on the screen that it permanently leaves a mark.)

Customer: “Next time have paper bags!”

The Mother Of All Fake Complaints

| Chicago, IL, USA | Right | September 17, 2015

Older Older Guy: “Do you guys have [item]?”

Me: “I believe it’s on [aisle], but let me confirm real quick.” *asks manager, who is two registers away and answers that we don’t carry the item in question*

Older Guy: “Oh, no, don’t ask HER!”

Me: “That person is my manager, sir. She knows this store like the back of her—”

Older Guy: *cuts me off* “Oh, no, I spoke with her earlier! She’s… well, she’s not very professional at all.”

Me: *dumbfounded* “I don’t see how you could have gotten that impress—”

Older Guy: *cuts me off again, eyes cast down* “Oh, when I went to talk to her, she was on the phone with her mother! I had to interrupt her! That’s not very professional at all. I know, you see, I was in business for seventeen years.”

(I HAVE seen my manager, who does the work of three people and still manages the store and a burgeoning staff with a smile, take brief calls to round up the next shift for schedule changes – but only while stocking shelves and never for more than a few moments. She’s been very patient and kind with me, so I’m quite fond of her.)

Me: *breaks out college vocabulary, something I’ve found shuts down snobby customers* “Well, sir, I’m very sorry you garnered such an impression of her. She’s always been eminently professional in my interactions with her.”

(It works, but he keeps forlornly grumbling about “seventeen years in business” and “never acted that way myself” until I finish ringing him up. When I have to do returns, I find my manager and tell her what he said. She bursts out laughing.)

Manager: “Yeah, I remember that guy! He wanted me to walk him to a hundred items on his list individually and got mad when I wouldn’t… And my mother’s been deceased for years!”

(I joked that she should take the guy’s behavior as a compliment: since she doesn’t make mistakes, people have to make things up if they want to complain about her!)

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